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Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

This week: Rehashed ensigns! This week examines the unexplicable phenomena of the unkillable ensign - the ensign who is killed one mission and then seen in later episodes (often with the same name). Perhaps these unkillable ensigns are how Sev Fleet are able to keep the red shirted ranks from thinning.


Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of Sev Trek TV Cartoon Contest. The winning punchline was written by Mr. Matt. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions as well as the finalist punchlines and Punchlines of the Day.


EvilDevil

We haven't paid him yet so he keeps coming back

Patrick Goodspeed

I believe Captain that it was ensign Fresh Meat that was vaporized on Riga XVII.

cobraball

actually he's a stage hand....we're running low on money

Juan Deer

Beats me, I just keep on putting tokens in the Ensign dispenser.

jkl

These humocats from Deltoid quadrant have nine lives!

Mr. Matt

In fifteen minutes, will it really matter?

Mr. Matt

Yes, but McCorduroy has been playing with the Zombiemaster 2000 again.

Andrew Brown

The transploder split him in two last week.

Bruce J. Stringer, M.D.

The Doctor just thawed out another clone.

Casey Simpkins

No but the bitch is going down this time!

Ezzadax

It is illogical to poke holes in an already thin plot

L.R. Stone

Better he than thee, or me, sir....

Owen E. Oulton

His death scream was so evocative that we decided to clone him...

JP Paulus

Being the producer's kid has it's perks

Daylight

With the recent ensign shortage, we've had to resort to cloning.

iain

if the dead ensigns didn't came back to life we would have no crew

altervisitor

I didn't know we'd started giving them names.

Elmo

His contract isn't up for another year

RG

No, that was his brother, Phaserbait.

Renegade Borg

No, that was his transploder double. Hurry up, Ensign, get on the transploder pad. No talking!

Renegade Borg

We need a temporal anomaly, and we need it yesterday!

kipron

I thought you only noticed the FEMALE ensigns...

Jack Hammerfist

That's no excuse for slacking off!

Jack Hammerfist

No, it seems you missed one sir.

Jack Hammerfist

All ensigns are dead on arrival, captain.

Jack Hammerfist

Captain, I can only remember so many thousands!

Edgar Ferrer

Do you actually keep track of such stuff? Get a Life!!!

Nathan Renihan

Sev Fleet breeds them on the Genesis planet.

Rob

It's the Attack of the Clones Jim

"Pygar"

"The McCormick family is known for its resilience." (South Park reference)

Compdude

Yes, but a few slingshots around the sun changed all that...

getalife

This time YOU get to inform his widow.

Don Gilstrap

Tis logical Captain. We can film twelve death scenes with the same actor and only pay him for one day's work.

Bob Reynolds

Yes Captain, he did. The only logical explanation is we transported into a rerun...

Jonatan Lindström

Buns came up with a technique for facial transplants so that we wouldn't have to get used to new staff all the time.

Jeff Adkins

I wish the network would show the episodes in order!

getalife

Illogical. Whoever heard of someone coming back from the dead?

Steven Bogaerts, BVC.be

Seen it, done it, gotten the Red T-Shirt.

roman

he's from the mirror universe. the ensigns don't die there and the Alfalfa quadrant is over populated by billions of unneeded crewmembers

roman

if only we could use the same medical technology for scuttlcrafts.. but I'm confident ~that~ problem will be solved by the 24th century..

Neil Carlin

Seeing as how you've died at least twice and I have once...

Rick Kowals

Why ask me, All you Humans look alike to me

VulcanGal27

Logic dictates this Ensign is recyclable.

Quicksilver

And the one before, and the one before, and the one before...

T Newby

Septuplets are handy!

Archer »-)›

Do not underestimate the power of the Union, Captain.

Andrew Dowler

No, we're in re-runs

Dan Rivers

Continuity can not be wasted on Ensigns, Captain

TEFII

No Sir, That was Ensign Deadmeat.

Timothy Fowler

Yes Captain. SAG Subcode 42.6 requires a reoccurring character for a minimum of three episodes.

Aziz Poonawalla

Those bastards!

Trekkid

Spook: After a while, they all seem to blend into one another...

Joseph Grant

Amazing what a little paste and some staples can do.

Matthew Riley

They must have shot him so hard they knocked him into the next episode, captain.

scruffy--

we order them in duplicate

Engineman AKAscotty

We've rebuilt him. We have the technology.

Latin From Manhattan

Continuity is a luxury we cannot afford on our budget, Gym.

Michael Hollister

Yes, captain. But it would be illogical to assume the fans are intelligent enough to notice.

Latin From Manhattan

Shh! You are not supposed to notice the extras, Gym.

MindMelda

I'm surprised we even give them names.

Ryan

Perhaps, but does it really matter? In a few panels he won't even be matter any more.

Trekman

The Doctor rebuilt Cannonfodder with the remains of last mission's other Ensigns.

Jim Harris

Careful, Captain - He's Union...

Claudia

The new delivery from Sevfleet seems to be pretty sturdy...

Claudia

Environmentalists protested, so we had to raise our recycling quotas.

Claudia

Save the galaxy, recycle!

Jarryd Williams

Jim, they can't even afford to replace your uniform...

Dave

Yes Captain, but it turns out that he has a TWO episode contract.

roman

who knows, our reality may be nothing more than a program running inside a little device sitting on someone's table. . what if all of this is just an elusion. maybe, just maybe, far beyond all these distant stars, someone is watching us through a small cubic device...

roman

and what the hell is that smell??

Edward Hum

Don't you remember? You just have to replace the batteries.

Edward Hum

C'mon, you do know this is just a show right?

Ken Larsen

Sir, you know all redshirts look alike

Edward Hum

The better question is - How do you always wind up ripping your shirt???

Edward Hum

We ran out of actors willing to die in the first 2 minutes of the mission.

abz

No, but we'll get him this time sir

Steve Hager

I don't know, Captain. All red shirts look alike to me.

manu

beware of the...Attack of the Clones !

abz

No sir. That was ensign Swansong

Maje Culluh

They all come from the same mould

Grefwen

So what? The audience will think it's a re-run.

Grefwen

If you hadn't said anything, the audience would never have known.

Mewthree

Same could be said of your shirt...

admirably lost

no last episode you managed to kill all semblance of reasonable acting

Peter Rydén

Logic dictates that we must use our ensigns more than one time

Curzon of Dax

A single ensign death is a tragedy, a million ensigns deaths is a statistic.

Curzon of Dax

Perhaps not. We'll have to try harder this time.

anonymous

Intriguing. As his appearances increase, your sensitivity decreases.

anonymous

Ensign Cannonfodder is a felinoid. He's descendent from cats.

lizzyc

Evil twin. Get used to it

The Penguin Weekly

And didn't you just put on a new shirt?

The Penguin Weekly

We filmed the episodes out of order.

Mike Howell

You know how Redshirts are--they all look alike to me.

Mike Howell

If at first you don't succeed, try try again.

CP

They're free with every Scuttlecraft.

EoRaptor

Sevfleet purchases in bulk

EoRaptor

One could say the same of your acting career

EoRaptor

Liberal use of the convoluted plot device

EoRaptor

Buns brought him back with the happy spray...

Polgara

No that was Ensign Phizzerfried.

TEFII

We appear to be caught in a time loop, sir.

André Gatien

Yes, but due to a recent drop in ensign academy enrolment, we have been forced to "recycle".

Dak

They're like feeder fish, captain. If you didn't give them names, you wouldn't know who we used.

Jim Dunn

No. that was Foddercannon. You remember, he was the one with the funny ears.

Gino Bombeke

Is your feeling for logic finally awakening?

J and N

You try working it out for a change, I'm fed up of me having to work every single thing out, you're on your own.

David Roe

Yes but we haven't invented continuity yet. How do you think we get our inexhaustible supply of ensigns?

Latin From Manhattan

Yes, but since Dr. McCordoroy took up cloning as a hobby, we need never run short of redshirts again.

Mr. Waffles Deacon

No, you're getting it confused with a different mission. The last mission is the one when you ripped your shirt.

Mark

I see dead people.

Mark

That has never stopped your career either.

MindMelda

No, that was his brother. You really feel their pain, don't you?

Doxy

If he was alive, do you really think he'd be so anxious to report for duty?

Doxy

It's illogical to expect the writers to have an infinite number of ensign names.

Martijn Takke

This IS our last mission and, oh....GOOD motivating speech, captain!

EvilDevil

Ensign come ensign go....

H'rak P'twi

And the one before that, and the one before that...

neilinoz

Let me see - explanations can include time travel, alternative universes, a "flashback" episode, cloning, twins, alien possessions....

neilinoz

This episode is a flashback

§Sean§

He has a *very* good agent....

WooHoo

Yeah, but we installed a Reincarnation Unit.

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

Yes - but this is a repeat!

Annatar The Fair

Was that the time I solved the mystery, you destroyed the bad guys, you got the girl and I got to raise one eyebrow? Or was that the mission before that?

Annatar The Fair

Logic combined with perception implies that was not the case. However, with recent cuts in the budget you may be correct.

The Great Wizzad

It's life, Gym, but not as you know it

Angie

It's the new type of ensign, Sir. They have a reset button built in - if they die, just push it and hey presto.

Chris Johnson

Since we don't officially recognize Redshirt Ensigns as 'life forms', the answer is officially 'no'.

Chris Johnson

No, but your deodorant did. That's why I'm not standing next to you.

Christina "Saavik"

No, you're thinking of Ensign Deadweight. Common mistake.

Chris Johnson

Good point. I'll order another case of them. Better make it two.

Chris Johnson

Don't try to think, Captain. Your hairpiece will catch fire again.

Chris Johnson

Yes, he died trying to save your shirt. So?

Chris Johnson

Difficult to tell, Captain. They all really DO look alike.

Gregory Griffiths

No. Your shirt took the blast that had been meant for him.

Gregory Griffiths

It is quite amazing what that human invention called 'duct tape' can do.

Gregory Griffiths

In the words of another notable Sevfleet captain: there are four Ensign Cannonfodders!

Gregory Griffiths

In the words of Earth's environmentalists: Reduce, Reuse, Recycle!

Ensign Walkonpart

No Sir, you paused during your last line and it only seems like a new episode.

Ensign Walkonpart

Sir, you are a trendsetter in fashion AND you have a keen eye for details.

Ensign Walkonpart

No, Sir, that was Ensign Swiftdeath, his cousin.

Londo Moelarry

I'm sorry sir, I can't discuss that. Temporal Prime Directive.

Ensign Walkonpart

He's come back to question your right to bare arms.

Londo Moelarry

Dr McCourdoroy is sometimes a little too quick with his "He's dead, Gym" remark, captain.

spiffy

He was re-engineered by Mr. Squatt.

Johnathan McClure

Sev Fleet bans the cloning of adults in all but one category...

Kellman

Budget cuts-we cant even afford you an entire shirt.

Khalas

Sickbay worked a miracle.

Khalas

Indeed. One must admire his eagerness for duty.

Khalas

Yes, but he got over it.

Khalas

Transploder pattern buffer storage is a wonderful thing...

Khalas

One free resurrection with every ensign.

erik

We like the ensigns to earn their salary, sir.

erik

You will recall, sir, Doctor McCorduroy's predisposition to exaggerate.

Vila Restal

I cannot tell. Humans all look alike to me.

jTap

There was also a Canonfodeur. He was from France on Earth.

CP

I believe it is a phenomenon known as the "Energizer Ensign." He keeps going and going and going...

Garlonuss

We get them in bulk from the same place where you buy your shirts.

NeonLizard

That was ensign deathwish

Alex_of_Borg

Yes, but his contract survived

Rabbit

You know that dirty petri dish in my quarters?

talshiarHQ

Ensigns are MADE not BORN !

Kris

Cloning of disposable personnel is standard procedure, Captain.

spiffy

You requisitioned 100 more from SevFleet, Gym.

Darcie

He did, didn't he? Well.. A little memory swipe for you, Cap'n.

Art DeBuigny

Not quite. We should finish him off this mission.

Brian

No, Captain, that was his cousin, Ensign Phaserfodder.

Brian

To cut expenses, we are now cloning a single ensign.

Crazy Velcron

The continuity generators must be malfunctioning.

Dak

Last mission, next mission, you name it, he's died on it.

RealmMan

They come with a reset button now.

Wyrminarrd

We forgott that we signed a two show deal with him

Wyrminarrd

And they tried to make cloning illegal

jak

No, that was his brother. You've killed 18 of the 24 Cannonfodder brothers so far.

The Great Wizzard

Did he? We must be stuck in a time loop again

Sheepy99

We all gotta die and come back sometime

The Great Wizzard

Death... the not-so-final frontier.

Cmdr. Tony Q

Didn't you rip your shirt on the last mission...

Moe

Yes , but he keeps comming back for more painfull missions.

ibwolf

Since when has death been fatal on this show?

Chipper

You're thinking of Ensign Banthafodder

C1ofUnknown

Two words: Identical Twins.

ScottE Bemeup

You've seen one red shirt, you've seen them all.

Borg King

Evidently, He recovered.

Corsair

Yes. But he can't make Lieutenant if he's dead.

Corsair

And on Green Hornet, Lost In Space, Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea, 2 episodes of Gunsmoke, and he was injured in Medical Center. He's used to it.

The Great Wizzard

He was the only one in whose size we had a red shirt.

The Great Wizzard

He's getting a second chance (mumbles) worst death-scene ever...

StanleyMeets Livingstone

Yes Captain, we recreated him from a DNA sample. To keep him motivated, we just erase his memory.

Katia

This is Ensign Cannonfodder the 47th

Leander

Amazing what the the doctor can do with a needle these days.

Shlamko

Dammit Gym, I'm a science officer, not casting agent!

The Great Wizzard

Squatty, the plothole-compensators are malfunctioning again.

The Great Wizzard

Even I can't keep our Redshirts apart.

Shlamko

Continuity filters must be broken again.

The Great Wizzard

We have to start cloning or our turnover rate is too high.

The Great Wizzard

Yes, but since he was still in one piece we decided to resurrect him.

Darrel Murphy

It happens to the best of us, Captain.

QoS

I know it's most illogical, but they look all the same to me.

QoS

Fascinating. It seems Dr. McCorduroy finally startet his cloning-programm

The Great Wizzard

Yes, but that was our annual time-travel episode.

The Great Wizzard

Bulk discount: order 10, get one free.

The Great Wizzard

Redshirts are cheaper by the dozen.

The Great Wizzard

He gets a second chance after that unconvincing death scene last week.

jdwiseman

Same actor. Low budget. 3rd season.

The Great Wizzard

The coma he fell into during your last speech looked pretty convincing, right?

jdwiseman

No that was his twin. Oh and kudos on the sensitivity thing.

The Great Wizzard

Apparently, he was paid for more screen time than he got

jdwiseman

No, but if first you don't succeed...

The South Park Wizzard

I think his first name is "Kenny"

jdwiseman

Shhh. That was only my mission prediction.

The Great Wizzard

You have died, McCorduroy has died, Squatty has died, Oolala has died, Checkout has died (several times). Why shouldn't a Redshirt have the same fun?

jdwiseman

Yes, but that was when we jumped into the future...which would be today.

JC

We keep a stash of Ensign Cannonfodders in Cargobay 3.

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