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Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

This week: Assevilated Gainweight! This is a cartoon I've been looking forward to drawing for a while - Gainweight assevilated and without hair! Of course you didn't think I would still miss out on the chance of drawing a huge head.

Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of Sev Trek TV Cartoon Contest. The winning punchline was written by FCC. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions as well as the finalist punchlines and Punchlines of the Day.


C: This will take a drastic measure. T:Set phizzers to Decaf!


Ten:Told you she was jealous Chocolatay:Look, captain, there's only one borg for me

Ken Dillon

She's gonna need one hell of a trubble to cover that!


C: I thought they said she had been assimilated?! T: Incorrect, the captain is just having a bad hairday.


C (to G:) When I told you I fancied the Bored look, I actually meant Ten.

Kiwi Joker

C: How do you turn her off S: I never thought i'd hear a male say that.

Captain Sevway

C: Saccharin!! No!!! I love you!! T: It appears the Captain has been assimilated G: Resolution is futile!


C: Alright, as soon as we get her back, we're restricting her caffiene intake.

Ard Hendriks

C: Where are all the other drones? T: They are making new nanoprobes to comensate for the ones used to assimilate her hair.

Major Emz

C: How come her boobs aren't enhanced? S: She used her Bored resources on the 'do'.


Ten: Gainweight has been assevilated! Chocolatey: Are you sure? I'm pretty sure Knee-licks is having a de-caf week...

Jack Hammerfist

C: So now she's their queen? T: The beehive hair kinda gave it away.

Captain Sevway

C:I've heard of bringing your work home with you but that's ridiculous!


C: We've got to free her from the Bored Ten: You just want to put her in a catsuit too

i have $1,000.00 and you dont!!

Choclatay:How will we make her human again? Ten:We'll offer her coffee.

Renegade Borg

C: Seven, I think we found our new uniforms.

Delta Flyer

chocolatay: set phizzers to scalp


Ten: Kill her quickly! Aim for the caffine injectors!


Chocolatay: By the spirits they even Assevilated the Do! Ten: My estimates are the Bored were going to use it as an auxiliairy Sphere

Borg King

C: If the Bored assevilated the captain, would't they know what we were planning? 10: Ex-nay on the ot-holeplay

Scott Perkins

What happened to the Captain?/They assimulated her along with Shatner's ego.


C: Stand back, I'll stun her. T: Aim for the percolator.


S: I never knew lack of coffee could have this effect on the captain


C: So that's what they mean when they say that being Captain can go to your head


Chok : The new Bored Queen? Ten : Don't knock it, they've had to scrap 30 Cubes to make her crown

Travis Loughary

At least I pulled the borg look off!


Ten: "Captain, I did warn you not to pick at it".

Dave MacDonald

"Seven, what's happened to the Captain?" "Well, she's always wanted to get a head of the Borg. Now she's got one."


C:Blech! T: Your remark is imprecise but appropriate.


C: My god! The captain has been assimilated! T: I thought she just forgot her morning coffee.

L Street

Spirits! She only spent an hour in the Borg Beauty Parlor!//You should see a Borg wax job.

Infinite Improbability

C: I can't believe I was ever attracted to that! 10: I can't believe she didn't invite me to the assimilation party!


Gainway: You will be percolated...decaf is futile!!!


C: Now I know how we can beat the Bored! Ten: Yes! We deprive them of caffeine!


Chocolatay: "So you finally got them to install a caffeine IV?"

Gemini Orion

Ten: Conditioning is futile. Chocolatay: Bad hair day, Captain?

Dave the Explosive Newt

T: This would explain the cubes filled with coffee we met a while back.

Captain Sevway

C:My God!She's been assevilated!!!! T: "Correct, butat least I have the implants that matter!"

Blaze of Maquis

C: That's it, I'm dumping you for Ten T: (It worked...)

The Penguin Weekly

C: This reminds me of a story my people have . . . T: Look, Chocolatay. She's already Bored.

The Penguin Weekly

T: I see they're growing a new Bored Sphere.

The Penguin Weekly

T: How does she stay upright?

The Penguin Weekly

C: I don't know what I ever saw in her. T: A promotion, obviously.

Doug Wilson

The captain's a Bored!! // Of course she's aboard- she's right. . .oh, I see your point.

Jack Hammerfist

C: How'd her head swell up like that? T: Hanging around with the producers.

Jack Hammerfist

C: That's Gainweight, all right! T: I TOLD you she'd a swelled head.

Jack Hammerfist

C:This is terrible! T: The style doesn't work for everyone.

Jack Hammerfist

T: Do we get to shoot her? T: If I ever look like that, please do!

Jack Hammerfist

So much for the Bored look being "sexy!" T: It's TOTALLY last century!


Chocolatay: I hope she gets a catsuit after that.

R of A

C: looks like they'll be replacing the alcoves with coffee machines.


C: Can you return her to normal? T: And lose the coffee surplus we now enjoy? Never!


C: Can you return her to normal? T: What do I look like? A head shrink?


C: Can you return her to normal? T: It's that or have 2.7 million gallons of useless hairspray in the cargo hold.


C: Can you return her to normal? T: Sure. I'll need a needle, a crowbar, and some hair extensions.

brian lallatin

choco:Its no good, we have to shoot the captain! ten: Aim low, she's still invulnerable above the hairline...

Crazy Velcron

10: Is the captain assevilated? C: Na. That's how she looks without coffee.

Spinner _D

C: From now on, it's only decaf for her!

Spinner _D

Ten: This won't do much good for the collective's fashion sense.


c: Well, if assimilation doesn't get her bald, nothing will


Chocolatay: See what happens when Gainweight doesn't get her coffee?


Chocolatay : What are we supposed to do ? Ten : Prepare for some bad hairdays...

C: She's been turned into a Bored drone! T: Now she knows how the rest of the crew feels.


C: "Black and white, and claimiung to be the queen..." T: "Yes, I am reminded of the Spider Queen / Captain Photon holodeck episode also."


C: "Remember, don't fire untill you see the white of her... um...."


C: "Hey, *I* was the one who was supposed to get hair plugs!"


Chocolatay: Aye caramba! Ten: You should see the new coffee maker the Borg are building

The Great Wizzard

C: I knew it! It couldn't be hair! 10: It took you 6 seasons to find out?

Trevor Raggatt

C: THat new hairdresser has a lot to answer for. 10: Another hair-do down the tubes!

Trevor Raggatt

C: Electrifying hair-do, captain. 10: When I suggested extensions I didn't mean....

Jim McNamara

Ten: There's only room for one catsuit on board.


Ten: They had to assevilate her hair separately!


Chocolatay: What do these drones run on? Ten: Coffee.

The Borg King

Chocolatay: The Bored have taken Gainweight's hair, 10 of 10: Wasn't that Pinchhard's excuse.


C: I see the Bored were unsuccessful with assimilating the hair! T: Yes, her head does seem a little large!


C: So this explains why the bord assevilated planet "Java"


G: Lower your shields and surrender your coffee beans


C: What is that? T: the captain has become the coffee maker


C: "Doesn't this cube have 5000 drones?" T: "Correct...1 is here and 4999 are sweeping up the hair."

Michael Kraft

C: Apparently follicles are futile

Zachary Whitlow

Chocolatay: They've assevilated Gainweight! Ten: Now who has more hair?


Ten: Did I look that bad as a Bored? C: Never!


C.- "I knew defeating the Bored so many times would give her a big head!"


C.- "Alright, Brainiac- hand over the Captain!" Ten- "Uh, Commander...."


C.- "What happened?" Ten- "She should have quit while she was a 'head'."


C.- "Captain Brainweight!- I mean Gainweight!" Ten- "You were right the first time."


Chocolatay- "It wasn't hair! It was a huge head!" Ten- "Yes, she's had a crew-cut all along."


C: They even assimilated her hair? T: You wouldn't believe how many new species they found


C: "So that's why Sev Fleet captains are bald!" T: "Correct. They are all bored."


C: They moved all her excess weight to her head! 10: I chose another place.

sredni in MO

Alright, fork over the..uhm fork.


Chocolatay - Hmm...cold demeanor, bad hair, sounds like a robot. You sure she's been assimilated? Ten - She isn't asking for any coffee.

Kirk's Wig

Ten: This is what happens when you deny your 10-cup-a-day caffine habit

Kirk's Wig

Ten: Now that's what I call a bunful of wires

The Great Wizzard

10: They assevilated The Do? That explains the sudden power surge


C: WHAT happened? Ten: I TOLD her never to use nanoprobes to give her hair more body!


Ten: I looked like THAT? Chocolatay: Ah Gainweight, I have other plans for busy Ten?


Ten: Tell me I didn't look THAT bad C: So - how's the weather?


C: What are all those tubes in her head? Ten: They pipe in coffee


C: That was an overly elaborate scheme to get rid of her. T: So, we're on for tonight, then?

Cmdr. Solomon

C: My God, she's been assimilated! T: Yeah, the poor collective. Now they'll be obsessed with coffee and hairspray.

Jack Hammerfist

C: Was her head always that big? T: You thought that was HAIR?

The Great Wizzard

10: Judging from what's going on here I'd say The Do has become the new Queen.

The Great Wizzard

C: I warned her asking the Bored for coffee wasn't such a good idea...

Cmdr. Solomon

C: I see the Bored won. T: That's a matter of perspective; now the entire collective is hooked on coffee and obsessed with finding more hairspray.

Cap'n Belcher

10: Hairspray is futile

Art DeBuigny

C: Looks like being Captain really did go to her head! T: This also explains why her hair never moves..

Art DeBuigny

C: Thats it! No more coffee for me. T: The Bored are no doubt pumping coffee directly into her bloodstream.


C:Boy! Makes me glad I went for you Ten! T:Yes, you should never have a relationship with someone unless you've seen how they look as a Bored.


C: What is is with bald Captains? G: Resistance is futile.


C: Sev Fleet captains that meet the Bored always get assimulated at some point. T: it's our prime directive


C: "Hair-raising!" T: "Bride of Locutus?"


Ten: I knew the 'Do was all hairspray, no actual bulk!


Chocolatay: Her new hairstyle is quite interesting. Ten: Please, it's all accessories!

ScottE Bemeup

C: Why the swelling? T: Failure of ego containment.

ScottE Bemeup

C: Does assevilation always cause swelling? T: No, but captaincy does.

8 of 12

C: The rumours are true! 10: She had a crewcut all along!

Stacy Duke

C: Hairspray is irrevelevant? 10: Growth is futile


Chocola: And I thought her other hairstyle was bad!


Ten: Looks like the Hair Club for Borg finally has some hair to use.

Steve S.

C: What's the deal with her hand? T: She's been turned into a Swiss Army borg.

tom patterson

C: OH my god,it's the captain/T: It seems her hair has grown INWARD!!!


C: "Our weapons are having no effect!" T: "Next time, lets bring Phizzer rifles instead of her hair dryers!"


G: "Resistance is futile!" C: "Revulsion is automatic!"


C: "Well, at least we found the cause of the gravitational annomolies..."


G: "Resistance is futile." C: "How about nausea?"


Either: You would have thought with a brain that big, that we would've gotten home sooner


Well, there's goes my appetite...

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