|Sev Trek: The Comic Strip|
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A sentient oil slick... no, that's how you kill a lieutenant
Just let them have a line, and let nature take its course
Allow him speaking parts, a yellow shirt, and a long life. He won't be able to stand the tension.
Give him an invitation to a Klingon bachelor party.
Death by time paradox. While back in time the ensign makes an innocuos comment to a stranger and suddenly blinks out of sight.
Fill a room with ensigns, tell them that the one left standing gets promoted.
Gainweight: Hairy, I'm promoting you to Lieutenant. Hairy: OHMYGOD!!!(keels over dead from to much excitement)
Before you can a Ensign off you have to make sure he says somethink like"Quick over here" or "Theres nothing on this planet that could harm us".
Put in a easy to rip shirt and watch Captain Quirk steal the scene!
Killed in a hair avalanche when Gainweight's bun finally comes loose!
Have him practice with his bat'leth while he has hayfever. (ah-CHOO! >splutch<)
Put a "noble sacrifice that requires one of the crew to die" into the script.
"Ensign, your new C.O. is Commander Worf; and yes, 'Every day is a good day to die.'"
Give him enough dialog to make the audience love him; then *bzzt* transploder accident!
Tripping over a small piece of antimatter.
Put banna peels on the trasporter pads just before they beam up,hey it's one way for the transpoter chief to releave the boredom
Runing with scissors
Accidently launched at a Wrongulan warbler while taking a nap in a photon torpedo tube
Ripped to shreds by wild sev trek-fans looking for souvenirs
Have him pierced on a Kraze-on's hairdo.
Call Barf a "Girlie Man".
Always make sure the turbolift is there before you step inside...
Dying of old age in the middle of the episode
Accidentaly shot by a phaser one of the main characters was tweaking
To be squished by the credits at the end of the episode
dematerialise the shuttle craft from around the ensign with a transporter beam
Have the console work fine for the entire episode; he'd die of shock!
Beamed into the warp core
Old age. It's never been done before.
Put his quarters directly underneath Squatty's. Its only a matter of time before he falls through.
Newscaster: Ensigns Deadmeat, Sittingduck, and Useless were killed today when a sentient gaseous cloud, originating from Commander Squatt after a Mexican feast, escaped and went on a killing spree. Ensigns Expendable and Breathless were also attacked , and are listed in critical condition.
Lock him in a room with Kodos the Executioner, Barney the Dinosaur, thousand of Killer Trubbles, and Kathy Lee:-)
Tell those nasty Klingoff who REALLY transported those Trubbles aboard...
lock him in a room with Deltan females!!!!
Operation "Human Shield".
Death of natural causes
"a-nibble-ated" by borg mice (better set those mouse traps on rotating modulations)
beam them down WITHOUT a senior officer (higher turnaround)
Trubble salesman on Klingoff homeworld.
Performs "brain shrinkage" joke at a Klingoff nightclub.
Dies of terror after reading this sevcomp.
Tryhard crashes Enterforaprize on them
Gets the only backward firing Phizzer in Sevfleet.
Enters regularly functioning Hollowdeck, but dies of paranoia
Death from stupidity - you have to be a complete idiot to join Starfleet and become a redshirt.
Skinned as show-and-tell by Worf for Alexander's class.
As a provision, ensure that a knoll of any sort is nearby.
Make him an offer he can't refuse.
you don't kill the ensign; instead, merely take their face and flee to Florence in the ambulence you stole with it.
Do what Disney does; Make them fall from a large height and leave a plot hole between them and the bottom.
Nick "Naraht" Frame
While strapped to a console, launch said ensign from a torpeado tube, while forcing him to injest Kneelicks food, and listening to Troi & Quirk babble on....
red shirt too tight
A fizzer beam reflects off Picard or Siskos shiny head (or Gainweights bun)
Give him a Neelix mask and send him to fetch Twoblocks from the hollowdeck.
First (and last) volunteer at Beta's magic act.
Heart stops when suddenly kissed by 10 of 10.
Exploding console throws him into a swinging batleth's path.
Transploder accidentally turns the ensign into a holo-character, who is then shot dead by "Agent" Bashful.
Being hit by an ejected warp core just after beaming down to a planet.
Stand up comeidan at klingon Bar
Send him on a mission to signpost black holes
Accidentally transcongrugate the biplasmic rectangulator with the zirciolic hyperbung.
Reveal that he or she is the blood relative of a major character.
Send him on an away mission with Commander Chocolatey.
Offer him a command -- on any Sevship not named Enterforaprize, Defunct or Forager.
Give him unlimited Hollowdeck privileges as a "reward."
Do it the Forager way: Introduce ensigns that are already dead!
Give him (or her) a line of dialogue. Then let nature take its course.
Give her a red shirt to wear, make her marry Barf, get her on Voyager, and send her on a scuttle-mission.
Three words - the Doctor's slideshow
Force him to wait for something to happen between Gainweight & Chocolotay...he'll die of boredom....
1. Have the Ensign wear a red. 2. Have the Ensign beam down to a planet with major cast members.
Bypass the exploding console, and wire the ensign himself to explode.
Participate in a love seen with a Horta.
Accuse him of drinking all of Gainweight`s coffee supplies
Vulcan ensign dies trying to mind meld with Tryhard.
Console implodes rather than explodes, and ensign dies of shock.
Order him to steal Schidzo's baseball / Odour's bucket / Gainweight's coffee / Quirk's toupet / Robert Beltran's teleprompter.
Have Lwxana develop a crush on him - he'll jump out of the nearest airlock.
Beam him to the shapeshifer planet with an "I love solids" t-shirt.
Drinking and scuttlecraft flying.
Drinking a shapeshifer in liquid form
Trick him into giving Cue a wedgie
TOS: Keep Quirk surprisingly chaste. TNG: Keep them nameless. DS9: Give them a Jem'Hoarder for a new best friend for the rest of their lives. VOY: Give them a name, let the audience know them, those b*st**ds...
USS Redshirt , Sev Fleets newest star ship
Shot out with a photon torpedo because it has to be detonated manually.
Swimming in the warp core's antimatter resevoire.
Mood-changing shirts. You fear, it goes red.
Take ten of them bowling....as giant-sized pins.
Find out if keelhauling really IS possible in space.
Barf needs a punching bag!
Accidentally beamed into a vat of Romulan Ale during an all night keggar on the bridge
Food taster. Ensigns eat Kneelicks food first, to make sure it's safe for main characters to eat.
Use as a living sheild to protect main characters.
Saying "Yee Ha!" while riding a photon torpedo into a Klingoff warship.
Order airlock maintenance and say that, because of budget cuts, EVA suits are not allowed
Order them to clean the torpedo tubes and then order a weapons test
Jia Sarong, Green Lantern of Sector 90210
Send him over to the Bored with Kneelick's Five Goo Soufflé, kill two birds with one meal!
Bashed in the head by a copy of the PC directives.
Being too close to Quirk when his girdle snapped.
Errant phizzer control software targets all in red shirts.
Give him an errand to run, namely delivering 2000 Trubbles to the nearest Klingoff.
Drowns in own drool on seeing Ten out of Ten for the first time.
Gets between Gainweight and her morning coffee.
Dying of shock at still being alive at the end of the episode.
Dying from brain shrinkage (sorry....)
Dying of boredom waiting for Quirk to finish giving them their orders.
Put an exploding console under their pillow.
Cracks skull open flinging himself off his chair to avoid exploding console
Gradually, first one leg gets replaced, then a hand, then the other arm, then a few ribs and internal organs, then....eventually RoboEnsign
The lemming way: following a group of other ensigns down a quantum singularity.
By accident - while cleaning a phizzer.
Three words: Doyouwanna's Cleavage Trap
Bounce a deadly laser beam off Pinchhard's head.
Gee on sev trek a novel way would something normal like a heart attack.
juggling a batleth...blindfolded
Ensign Notappearing gets assimilated by the warp core
Dial "M" for Maul
Instead of the console exploding, the ensign explodes. (Hey, why damage the hardware?)
The Red 9
Force... them... to... listen... to... Quirk... give... a... lengthy... speach...
Lacerated to death by Spook's ears.
Star Trek Encyc.
Shoved into the deuterium tank, then injected into the warp core
Quirk, Spook and McCourdoroy and a redshirt ensign are standing in together. Quirk has his communicator out and is saying : "Squatty, three to beam up!"
Have a main character fall in love with said Ensign.
Accidentaly beamed into a vat of Kneelicks casserole.
Put him in a roomful of Klingoffs and have a ventriloquist yell "P'Tach"!
Slapped to death when Squatty's belt 'canna take it no more' and snaps.
Used to plug hole in Warp Core
Inhaling Quirk's toupee cleaning solution
Eaten and regurgitated by a huge Trubble.
Squatty accidentally sits down on one.
Writing "Little ensign room" on the airlock.
Ejecting the Ensign instead ofthe warped core
The Great Wizzard
Let him kiss the "Babe of the Week" -- in Quirk's presence
"Forget" to close the air lock.
Ann E. Nichols
Peacefully in his/her bed.
The Great Wizzard
Lock him in a room with Squatty and no food.
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