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Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

This week: Quick aging children! The children born in Sev Trek seem to be born in some kind of time warp that causes them to age many times quicker than usual children!


Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of Sev Trek TV Cartoon Contest. The winning punchline was written by The Great Wizzard. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions as well as the finalist punchlines and Punchlines of the Day.


Ego Atenji

To maximize the amount of trouble they can cause.

jake

If we hang in there long enough, they'll forget about their residual fees.....

Leander

The fewer the episodes, the faster they grow.

Free with every box

I don`t know,I`m only 5 years old.

Mr. Spork - You'd think if they only lived seven years she'd look 50 after 3 years!

Yeah, and why did Cuss not age at all?

Mr. Spork

At this rate she'll be a Lt. before me!

Prime Arbiter

I dunno, probably involves all those weird particles with long names we get exposed to every other episode.

Lorn

Their quarters are closer to the warp engines.

Emily

it's not JUST the children

Zazu

Because the series are too short to let them age in normal forms...

Scott McClenny

Either plenty of Vitamins or plenty of Coffee!

Arria

The sooner we can kill them off as Ensigns!!

Delta1700

Ensigns are in high demand.

Mr. Spork

They don't, Knleenex can't count.

Mikhail

I don't know, I'll ask Cus.


Why don't you ask a grown up?

Garlonuss

It's the same effect that allows us to make huge scientific leaps just because we're in a hurry.

Scott McClenny

It's the only character development they get!

Janak Desai

The same reason I havent seemed to have aged at all!

Jay

Dog genes! They age 7 times as fast!

Griffin

I'm not sure, but I'm gonna love watching Measly Chrunchy go senile.

Kehtani

The Measley Effect doesn't take hold until they're tall enough to reach the consoles.

Jodocus

I accellerated here DNA, I can't stand children!

Cmdr. Solomon

What, and confuse the fans with something realistic?

Jack Hammerfist

When you edit it out the boring parts, there's not much left!

MindMelda

We told her the faster she grows up, the less she has to eat Kneelix's birthday cake.

Dacron

We give them Happycampa genes to hurry them through the boring preteen years.

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

Nappies are a problem in Zero G gravity!

Polgara

We need the crew. How many more times do you think I can be recycled?

Shinigami

Pinchard's First Law of Physics. Get them off my bridge.

Mr. Spork

We need someone to replace me so that I can stay dead.

Mr. Spork

At this rate she'll get promoted before me!

Cmdr. Solomon

The writers think that children who age normally is a unbelievable concept that won't fit into the show.

Cmdr. Solomon

Well, if we let them age normally, that might be believable and it would confuse the fans.

Pizman

If you ask me, Measley didn't age fast ENOUGH!

Pizman

We had a one-year-old as a nurse not too long ago!

Mark

If only their acting abilities grew as fast.

Polgara

So that they can evolve from cute to annoying as soon as possible.

Emily

Kids these days...

Pankin

They have to mature before the show is cancelled

freilicher

Later. I think I've just found my next impossible love-interest.

freilicher

Who'll watch if we put a toddler in a skin-tight suit?

quonous

Don't complain, it means they move out of home earlier!

Will

Good point, maybe engineering reversed the polarity of the phase coupling again

Trevor Raggatt

THey don't, but when you compare their intellect with Kneelicks' they seem older...

Trevor Raggatt

Bedtime stories and packed lunches from Kneelicks. That'd age anyone!

Trevor Raggatt

It being exposed to so much Kneelicks. That'd age anyone!

David P.

Where do you think the new ensigns come from?

AT

How else would we get all those redshirts?

greebo

For the same reason we don't age at all.

bonemar

The deltoid quadrant is so boring we go into cryogenic sleep between birthdays.

Elmo

They need to fast-track into ensigns

Vicki

You think she looks big, you should see the Borg Baby!!

P-feif

We're always traveling through time and you're asking this?

Mike Montemayor

It's all that downbeat grudge music.

Bartlett

With plotlines this bad your childhood ends fast

T'Duh

You notice they aren't human.

9 of 12

Any time spent with Kneelicks causes premature aging. Look at the Captain!

38 of DD

You have to have a personality to get screentime. That's why you almost never see me.

Bethan Casinelli

There aren't enough series to fit in the many years of growth

Bethan Casinelli

For the same reason all of our aliens have bumpy heads: no reason at all

Art DeBuigny

They have to grow up to change actresses every three years, or they'll have to pay them more.

Art DeBuigny

At this rate, she'll be an Admiral before I make Leuitenant!

Lyran Fan

Would you want to pay residuals forever?

Emeraldax

The Reset Button doesn't work on them.

Eskiebear

HC: We have to get our expendable crewmembers from somewhere.

Bobby

All the scary aliens and anomolies they have to put up with, no wonder they age so fast

Solaris

Gee, thanks Ten, the kid will be promoted over me in no time.

El Baz

Borg maturation chambers do not make good presents!

silverpanther

They usually evolve into a higher state of being by the end of the series

Emergency Command Hologram

Where do you think our ensigns come from.. Pretty soon it will be happy birthday ensign expandable,

Emergency Command Hologram

That is what you get when you use warp plasma to cook food.. Good one neliks,

Emergency Command Hologram

Warp drive.. No Side effects.. I cant believe that sevfleet brough that.

Emergency Command Hologram

10!! Exnae on the plot Holenay

admirably lost

hairy chin : i know another year an she will be more mature than me

EvilDevil

Unions, Contracts, Sevspace, child labor laws, actors guilds, at this point i dont care. Pick one.

EvilDevil

We got a bad experience with someone named Cruncher.

Mike Howell

The writers know the fans hate child-actors.

Luigi Novi

They're grooming Annoyme to promote her over me.

mike

its a side effect of the Reset Button

Luigi Novi

You're asking ME? Hell, I'm 32 in real life, and the writers still haven't abandoned the whole "Harry is a green newbie growing into a man on Voyager" theme!

Guilherme Silva

We've got to replace ensigns quickly somehow...

Derek

Genetically-engineered redsuits of the future!

Derek

To control morning sickness, all expectant mothers take medication from the company that makes Miracle-Grow.

Derek

Idunno, but it's certainly not helping my prospects for making Lieutenant.

Seeker

Out of mercy. You can't expose children to this too long.

Sev- anonymous

Sevspace coupled with puberty

BitterAndy

Which one are you referring to?

38 of DD

They need a personality to get screen time.

Sierra Leone

She's not growing fast, Neelix is getting shorter.

Shirlie Ann

They live faster than the speed of light

Sierra Leone

You know all the technology we find....

Dave the Explosive Newt (PC directive, geddit?)

The Perceived Continuity directive.

Dave the Explosive Newt

These girls only start to boost ratings when they're 18+.

talshiarHQ

Strange!Their intellect doesn't seem to evolve.

Bill C

And aren't you supposed to be in your twenties?

Corsair

Real Life doesn't have a Hiatus..

Corsair

And why am I 27 and still treated like a kid?

Ignatz

They steal the life force from unpromoted ensigns!

Sierra Leone

Results of experiments to make replacement ensigns.

Kirk's Wig

Look at it this way, these kids are growing up to take our jobs

Cmdr. Annos

Don't you know? Everytime it's someone's birthday, something happens and the ship gets almost destroyed.

The Bored Queen

Have you ever met a Sev Trek child that was ever completely normal?

MindMelda

We skip over the un-cute ages.

Tylan

So I'll eventually have someone to date - DUH!

erik

If only rank advanced that rapidly...

erik

What do you mean? I haven't grown up at all in seven years.

imq2u

The same reason we can travel through space at lucridous speeds

Lordy

You really think cosmic radiation is good for kids?

Art DeBuigny

Every time she eats Kneelicks green slime cake, she ages two years.

ScottE Bemeup

Excessive technobabble radiation exposure.

Art DeBuigny

It must be Kneelicks Cooking. His so called cuisine could peel paint off the walls, scorch the inner linings of your stomach, and change the sex of cats.

Art DeBuigny

Must be Kneelicks casserole. That stuff puts hair on my chest.

Ann E. Nichols

We have no action, so we need dialog and babies aren't very good at snappy repartee and stating the obvious.

Nodrog_CRC

Never ask why. I asked why, and this is what happened to me. Never ask why.

Lordy

So it doesnt look completely ridiculous when they speak techno-babble.

Nodrog_CRC

You age in inverse proportion to the amount of screentime. According to that rule, you're virtually immortal.

Nodrog_CRC

Are you kidding? Factoring in all the temporal loops, time travel, and multi-universe crossovers, she's 147!

The Great Wizzard

We invested the continuity budget in growth hormones.

§Sean§

How else are we supposed to keep up with sevfleet's expendable ensign demands?

Trevor Raggatt

They boldly grow like no kid has grown before.

Number 0

Would you rather have a one year old running around here?

The Great Wizzard

They aren't immune against the growth hormones Kneelicks adds to his "food".

Lordy

They age at the same rate as the plots.

The Great Wizzard

To make sure they outrank me when they're 4.

ggb

They're on hormones. We need new ensigns every episode.

XFERGER

They want to make them LT. before me!

valerie p.

They misheard 'to boldly grow'

Gregory Griffiths

Why is it I never get promoted?

Gregory Griffiths

Amazing, huh? And to think, last week Kneelicks was knee high to a Troubble!

The Great Wizzard

You know that our internal production name was "Sev Trek: The Next Discontinuation"?

The Great Wizzard

I don't know but I would try to grow away from that troll as soon as poss... oh, hi Kneelicks!

The Great Wizzard

The writers "think" they're less annoying that way. They'll never learn...

8 of 12

In theory, they get less annoying!

The Great Wizzard

The captain doesn't want the warp engine exhausts clogged with dirty diapers

8 of 12

We don't want to put up with them for THAT long

The Great Wizzard

Measly come, Measly go...

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