This idea was suggested by Rejected by the Borg.		Sev Trek: The Comic Strip Help judge this week's comic strip! We will judge the winning entry of this comic strip at the usual time of Saturday 9am AustralianEST. You're welcome to join us at the Sev Trek IRC Channel #sevtrek. To join, open your IRC software and join the irc.openprojects.net server. Then join the #sevtrek channel by typing the command /join #sevtrek and join in the fun!! Read the instructions and rules at the IRC Judging Page and a summary of the punchlines at the Finalist Punchlines Page. If you have any other problems getting onto the IRC chat channel or anything, ask your questions at the Sev Trek Discussion Board.
		Other Punchlines
Gul Teral		No captain shall participate in a landing party, unless he really really really want to.
Cmdr. Solomon		All Captains must obey the orders of Gainweight's Hairdo, No questions asked.
Will Watson		Reversing the gravity-suction toilets is inadvisable.
Will Watson		Any officer caught setting off the red alert alarm while the captain is on the toilet will be placed on red-shirted toilet duty.
Allan		Anything can be fixed by pushing buttons.
Ashley		All consoles must explode. Prohibited with main characters.
Ashley		Interfere whenever possible
Zaphode		All Sev space vortexs are to be entered
Dr Satan		DO NOT mistake replicators for urinals.
Yncke		All personnel must have a name that is pronouncable in English.
Dave The Explosive Newt		Teeth cannot be cleaned with phasers
MindMelda		Aliens know more about human history than humans, and shall constantly rub our noses in it.
Joseph		Continuity of plot is optional
Joseph		"Second star to the right and straight on 'till morning" is NOT a valid helm command
Joseph		A photon torpedo a day keeps the romulans away
Yncke		47. Imitating the captain is allowed at own risk. 47.1 Possible result: long chat with the captain in question 47.2 When in crisis, 47.1 is implemented when crisis is over and you're still alive
ScottE Bemeup		If at first you don't succeed, deploy the temporal anomaly
ScottE Bemeup		All newly promoted Captains have 30 days to schedule their folliclectomy
ScottE Bemeup		All Sevships must signal before changing lanes
Doggy Spew		Ensigns that survive 3 seasons are considered a main character. All other ensigns are considered dead meat.
95angelago		Don't put a trubble in a klingoff's bed
Trekmaster(Ted Rebo is just being creative)		All sevships must have at least one officer who is musically inclined(especially if they're bad at it).
Gul Hood		Do not exceed your landing party by more than two ensigns...any more and you're asking for trouble...
Tsama		The engineer must not refer ANYTHING in the engineering room as "this thingy here", as this will worry the Captain.
Samurai		In situations of extreme danger, ethics are more important than common sense.
Samurai		All biological substances should be considered sentient until proven otherwise.
Captain Treklin		If it comes from the captain, It's always a good idea.
Mark		You may not interfere with a new alien's culture. But, if in trouble, you can destroy their planet.
Mark		Small children must be exposed to danger but never actually hurt.
Mark		Negotiation through superior firepower.
Mark		Piker can never be captain.
Mark		One Sevship will always be lost in space.
Mark		There are no bathrooms.
Avalon		All doctors must either have some sort of obscure talent or be incessantly cranky.
Brian K.		notice to all senior staff: life is like a box of tribbles...you never know how many you'll get. Red shirts and ensigns read rule 48
Cpt Thomas		It is forbidden to run through the corridors while yelling "Abandon Ship, Abandon Ship..."
Buckwheat		Only destroy your ship if... 1) Temporal anomilies are present, 2) Klingoff's are on board, or 3) Counselor Tryhard is piloting.
Josue		Resurrection is a valid career option for command staff.
Dave The Explosive Newt		It is inadvisable to refer to all-powerful leaders of alien races as "You there"
Will Watson		Authorisation to use technobabble can only be given by the captain due to its high mortality rate.
Shlamko		It is not wise to call omnipotent beings "You!!!"
Nodrog_CRC		The new intro is "To perceive as if moving in relation to the universe in a hopefully beneficial manner to where no single or group entity of our immediate knowledge has been before."
The Great Wizzard		When the captain says "On Screen", it is not allowed to use a magnification factor so that the object can actually be seen.
Elinon		In cases of imminent death, plot may be discarded
Morgan		When contacted while in bed, 0.2 seconds permitted for dressing, hairdo's and reporting to required deck.
Morgan		While under fire, all crew will make vigourous contact with the nearest bulkhead
§Sean§		If JC is sick then it is OK to use a "I'll draw the strip later" concept...
Shinigami		Officers will refrain from being overly arrogant. That's the captain's job.
Shinigami		Ensigns found in possession of a life will have it confiscated.
Shinigami		Ignore the admirals. They're only there to attend the banquets.
Shinigami		When told by the captain to effect a solution, the engineer must answer "That's impossible. Wait! If we reconfigure..."
Shinigami		When one officer is facing certain death, at least three senior officers must go on a doomed rescue mission.
The Great Wizzard		Extensive special effects are preferred over continuity, plausible characters and decent storylines.
essayg		All systems must have primary and secondary backups installed - except warp core ejection, weapons, and life support.
Shinigami (Rebo may or may not be annoying, but what harm does he do?)		When two cast members have been obviously attracted to each other for several seasons, they should SHUT UP AND KISS!
Mr. Memo		The meaning of Sev is [We're sorry. Due to a computer error, the rest of this file has been deleted.]
Mr. Memo		"Your mama wears combat boots" is NOT a compliment in Klingon.
Mr. Memo		The plot is primary. If necessary, laws of physics, continuity, etc. need not apply.
The Great Wizzard		It is not allowed to sing Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" before engaging a space battle.
the giraffe		If you're a woman, either have a jumpsuit, or a miniskirt.
Sirrta		Use your ensigns with care - they are not unlimited like shuttlecraft
Cmdr. Solomon		All Sev Fleet personnel will squelch any form of individual thought.
P Swayne		If there is a bald character, that character must either be a captain or a woman.
Cmdr. Solomon		To be completely tolerant and accepting of all races, unless their beliefs differ from ours, in which case you are to kill kill kill.
Will Watson		Saying "Fools! You will all bow before me! Muh-hah-hahaha!!!" Is not a good way to begin first contact.
Will Watson		"I Didn't like the look of them" is not a valid reason for opening fire.
Nodrog_CRC		Use of time travel is strictly prohibbited, unless it as needed to save the Earth or it just looks cool.
Admiral H		Before you can be captain, you must violate ALL directives
Hector F		All devices on the ship can be modified to do something completely different and new when the plot requires it
Will Watson		If the ship runs out of photon torpedoes, consoles may be used as a back-up.
Will Watson		On away missions, it is vital to send popular/important crew members to ensure that the team is not destroyed.
Berlinghoff Rassmussen		No mission can have long lasting effects, except to establish another series
Berlinghoff Rassmussen		All Regular characters are to be equiped with a catchphrase (the better for sevflett to merchandise them)
Berlinghoff Rassmussen		All dilemmas and/or unknowns to be resolved in under an hour
Morgan		Random corridoor walkers keep to the left.
Morgan		Inertial dampers must smoothly withstand trans-warp acceleration, but not a torpedo.
Morgan		All transploder incidents must include main cast past or present, absurd concequences are always reversable.
The Great Wizzard		NEVER flush in spacedock!
The Great Wizzard		The only allowed source for quotes is Shakespeare
Elim		When nothing has been happening for a week, and there are no sevspace anomalies around, FIND one.
009		Warp 5: It's not just a good idea - it's the LAW
009		No fat chicks
The Great Wizzard		Except for the Ship's Womanizer™, all crewmembers must take an oath of celibathy.
Archer Sagitarius		the 47th directive: all captains must be addicted to a hot, steaming beverage and have lots of attention brought to their hair
Cpt Thomas		All male sevfleet captains must be bald ! All female captains must compensate for the lack of hair of their male counterparts
Cpt Thomas		Thou shalt use 47 at least once in every graphic and number
Cpt Thomas		The storyline has absolute priority; any other directives may be rescinded
Elmo		Senior staff shall always consist of two females. Bored are wild cards.
Elmo		Captains must be addicted to at least one beverage
Elmo		When traveling through time, keep to the right.
Elmo		When traveling through time, always remind th crew not to kill their grandfathers.
Sirrta		want to survive ? Name your shipe Enterprise..
		Trubbles may only be used as Gym Quirk's rugs.
OptimalOp		You must not fear. Fear is the Ensign-Killer. Fear is the little death that causes a cascade Warp Core failure. You must let fear pass over and through you, and when it is gone, only the main cast will remain.
T'Rowa		In the event of the near-complete destruction of a civilization by a Starfleet ship/officer/crew, the survivors are to be taken out for free beer.
T'Rowa		Declaration of Section32.47B, Alien Mind Control, immediately absolves anyone from any blame of any sort.
Sevanonymous		Shoot to kill when no one's looking.
OptimalOp		When under attack, fling yourself needlessly into bulkheads.
OptimalOp		A rose is a rose is a rose is a Changeling that's going to kill you.
T'Rowa		Engineers shall not use chewing gum, bailing twine, or spit to hold the ship together unless no other materials are available.
Mazotti Jordan, Green Lantern of Sevspace		Unexplainable phenomina can be explained with one word: Sevspace!
Ann E. Nichols		Thou shalt have a crisis worthy of a commercial break every 10 minutes.
div		Spin off whenever possible
Lt. Cmdr. Taev		If no plot holes are detected in the area violation of the PC directive is permitted.
Lt. Cmdr Taev		No Commanding Officier may beam to a planet unless attactive female is present.
Delta Flyer		Always keep a few extra ensigns lying around.
kmk		To know that no matter how difficult and perilous the situation, it can always be solved within the last 5 minutes.
Brian K.		While engaging an enemy for the first time, all weapons shall be set to "ineffectual"
T'Bonz		Must have one annoying character per series. No exceptions!
T'Bonz		Quirk's law - make first contact with the babes!
T'Bonz		In Federation we trust, all others pay latinum!
Wendon Pettey		Younger captains/heros must always wear tear-away uniforms.
Shlamko		If it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it's intelligent.
Brian K.		Keep hands and feet inside the sevship at all times
mouse - Jefferies tube 32		Mention the number 47 - 47 times an episode!
Nodrog_CRC		Baldness is an approved hairstyle for command personnel.
Nodrog_CRC		Ignore any beings that do not speak english and any planets with non-breathable (by humans) atmospheres.
Freilicher		Annoying characters shall be encouraged to evolve quickly.
Freilicher		Interfere if you really want to.
Freilicher		Female newcomers shall be provided with skintight uniforms immediately.
Freilicher		Shake your groove thing.
AP		a) Use impossible methods to solve difficult problems. b) Use difficult methods for easy problems. c) Use easy methods for impossible problems.
AP		Ignore directives that can't be divided by 2.
AP		Travel through quadrants in alphabetical order!
Ravenid		Any mention of plot-holes will result in death.
Ravenid		Captains may not have relations that end in happiness.
Ravenid		Only a Captain may make wooshing noises when going to warp.
Morgan		Playing Pac-man forbidden during warp core diagnostic
Will Watson		Officers wearing toupees may be excused from work in areas of low gravity.
zips		When exploring strange new worlds, Give it at least half a day before sleeping with any member of the population.
Number 0		The Enterprise is always the only ship available during emergencies
Number 0		Female guest stars may not leave the ship without having had an affair with a male officer first
Number 0		Redshirts may not beam up again
Number 0		Consoles must be able to explode during battles
Number 0		Counsellors must be useless
Samurai		The Technobabble Directive: All plausible events can be explained with a great deal of technobabble. All implausible events can be explained with an equal amount of technobabble. Unexplainable events can be attributed to warped space, babblonrifts, or a stream of the particle of the day.
OptimalOp		To boldly include thinly veiled moral messages in every adventure.
OptimalOp		To boldly go where everyone single other freakin' race has been before.
Hessel		If your vessel is hit, shake along with the camera
Hessel		Always tap your communicator before talking
Hessel		Don't kill ensigns unless they are called Hairy Chin
Will Watson		Officers are forbidden from watching the Tellitubbies due to damaging effects on universal translators.
Will Watson		The method for warning the captain of a hit from an enemy weapon is to shout "Hull breach! We're venting plasma." no matter how slight the impact is.
Dave The Explosive Newt		Any creativity in the script must be instantly crushed.
Dave The Explosive Newt		The ship must be kept looking clean and tidy, no matter what the circumstance.
zips		When breaking the prime directive, always make sure it's for a VERY GOOD REASON!
Robert Falcon		Any minor character involved in a relationship with any major character automatically recieves a 50% chance of death before the end of the episode.
Tsama		If bored, try putting helium into a Breen's suit. First one to laugh dies.
Spacemania		Slapping somoene is not a smart way to make first contact
Ashley		Speak your mind and fly a fast ship!
Ashley		If you don't have a name, your gonna die.
Ashley		To boldy seek out new life... and kill it!
T'Rowa		Horta officers are not to be used as footrests, coffee tables, or doorstops.
Michael Bunnell		When viewing alien art never say "Boy, is that ugly" that could start a war.
Avalon		No singing in the shuttlecrafts!
risk		Whaztever you do, look like the existence of the universe depends on it.
Les Sanders		"All toilets and the discussion of the expulsion of bodily wastes are forbidden."
Les Sanders		"The communicators must always be the first devices to malfunction in a landing party crisis."
Shinigami		When an engineer comes up with a solution, someone must always rephrase it in baby-talk for the viewers.
Mr. Spork		Seek out new worlds & new civilizations.. that will buy our merchandise!
		If plot hole appears, fill at all costs with incomprehensible technobable, if no technobable available, place ten out of ten in a profile shot and hope no one notices.
Robert Underwood		How do you keep an idiot busy for hours? Read the first 47 directives.
Sjerrie		When trying to get home fast if lost, stop at every system for 'scientific research'.
Sjerrie		All starships and space stations must have a random-plot-generator installed at all times.
Sjerrie		Decaff may not be served aboard starships.
Rabbit		The prime directive is null and void if she's pretty enough.
Rabbit		When passing gas, blame the nearest Klingoff.
Rejected by the Borg		Sevfleet Directive 47: No complaints are allowed about the sometimes late cartooning of blank strip competitions, unless JC is more than 47 of those behind!
owen mcnally		never give klingon wedgys no matter how temting
Redshirt No. 251111119		Nameless Ensigns should try to die quietly
Talar		To have the number 47 crop up at least once per episode
John Fallon		Due to Sevfleet Health regulations, only one smart-aleck ensign per ship will be permitted..
NateDog00		Torpedo first, ask questions later.
NateDog00		The use of ensigns as human shields is allowable under situations of duress.
NateDog00		Never interfere with an alien race... unless it improves the plot.
Elmo		Use ensigns sparingly. Theyhave to last you awhile
The Trivial Psychic		In the event of a severe catastrophy, hit the reset button.
Derek		All SevFleet captains must go to extremes with their hair: too much or none at all.
Elmo		If saving the universe, try to wrap it up in about two hours
Elmo		If interfering with an alien culture, try to wrap it up in about a hour
P-feif		Time travel is not permitted (unless the plot sucks).
Mazotti Jordan, Green Lantern of Sevspace		"Console Twister" is NOT a viable excuse for violating the "No On-Duty Nookie" clause in the SevFleet contract. See "Ensign Parisite, infractions of"
Vicki		You CAN change the laws of physics.
Bishop		Always try to have at least one completely useless standard cast member.
Stuart Ferguson		Any character development will be swiftly punished.
P Swayne		If the captain falls in love with someone, that person must die.
P Swayne		All ensign's consoles must be equipped with explosive devices.
Ruth (from Canada)		When in doubt of course of action, reverse polarity.
Farnell		No pets
QoS		Don't put all your ranking officers into one shuttlecraft
P Swayne		Minor guest stars must always wear red
Mama mia, that'sa some spicy Ted Rebo		The CD Directive: All officers must undergo mandatory character development episodes unless they are a boring, unliked character.
Will Watson		All redshirts must be put through special training on how to die as quickly and as spectacularly as possible.
Will Watson		Anything red must be instantly destroyed.
Will Watson		Baldness may not be worn below the rank of captain.
Adam		Leave a glitch somewhere so aliens can take over the ship.
Trevor Raggatt		Prime directive? Schm-ime directive!!!
Some dude		There shall be aleast one wonder boy or person that will think up of something that the smarter officers should of thought.
MindMelda		All aliens that don't look like humans with odd points and bumps shall look like fog or pizza.
ScottE Bemeup		Don't kill off a main character, unless you promise to bring him right back.
Ruth (from Canada)		Any crewmember suggesting the use of seatbelts will be issued a red shirt.
foxpaw		While wearing the red shirt, stand as close as possible to the wispy cloud, or anti-matter leak, or faulty reactor core, etc., etc.
freaky		don't rub captain pickhards' head for luck
§Sean§		The sev -queen gets the final word.
Trevor Raggatt		No First Officer will be given a decent storyline
Trevor Raggatt		Every Sev Fleet command crew will have one annoying character that EVERYONE hates
Morgan		All civilisation saving must be done with under 3 seconds remaining.
Morgan		Console fire extinguishers recommended but not provided.
Trevor Raggatt		Shoot first, agonise for a solid forty minutes later
Trevor Raggatt		Klingoff and Wrongulans are not evil, just unfortunate victims of their upbringing.
Trevor Raggatt		All ensigns will have their personalities surgically removed on promotion to bridge duty.
Morgan		Bridge crew always takes credit for victory.
Alicat		All transploder accidents must occur 2 minutes before a crucial beam-up
Trevor Raggatt		The cost of crashed scuttlecraft will be deducted from your salary - which is why, in Sev Fleet no-one has any money!
Morgan		Your ego must not exceed that of your captain.
Trevor Raggatt		All Sev Fleet bridge-crews will contain one member who is wrestling to come to terms with his heritage.
Trevor Raggatt		You shall not do anything which contradicts the principles of Sev Fleet (unless you agonize about it for thirty minutes beforehand).
Trevor Raggatt		You shall not interfere with the natural development of another civilisation (unless you really want to)
Morgan		Any redshirt not dead by the season finale will report to the torpedo tubes
Admiral H		Anyone who breaks the Pc directive gets off free if they save the world
evay		When all else fails, merchandize.
The Great Wizzard		All captains must join the "Hair Club for Men"
Leander		Don't let ensigns make first contact. It could be their last contact! (Measly Cruncher could be an exeption, see also directive 47b)
Will Watson		Thou shalt not copy Red Dwarf.
Will Watson		Crew members may not leave the ship unless issued a permit by the first officer. The first officer can only issue permits on production of a permit.
Will Watson		Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Wales.
Will Watson		On long range missions, high-ranking male officers must wear a dress to preserve morale.
Will Watson		Any officers found to have been killed and replaced by a shape-shifter forefit all pension rights.
Will Watson		Work done by an officer's doppelganger in a parallel universe cannot be classed as overtime.
Will Watson		In an emergency situation involving two officers of equal rank, command will be given to the one which can program a VCR.
The Great Wizzard		Each crew MUST have one artificial character who is much more developed than the rest combined.
The Penguin Weekly		Take the longest route possible home.
The Penguin Weekly		Investigate every last spacial phenomena for the sake of the storyline.
AuSpock		To Boldly violate the PC Directive in the most sevilised manner, and screw up the Sevspace/time continuum while we're at it!
Griffin		All crew members shall have faceless identitys unless a contract is in effect.
Trevor Raggatt (with a large debt to T'Rowa!)		Making out on consoles is forbidden (and potentially hazardous!).
Shlamko		If at first you don't succeed, technobable it.
Shlamko		If you've survived being ensign, everything else is a piece of cake.
Rejected by the Borg		During transportation of alien diplomats all unknown leftovers in dining areas should be considered as possible lifeforms until proven not so.
T'Rowa		All chief engineers will have an interesting physical or personality quirk to make up for the fact that they are basically glorified repairpersons.
T'Rowa		All ships must have a precocious child crew member. If one is not available, it should be conceived as soon as possible and force-grown to the age of ten.
T'Rowa		Mortal Kombat tournaments may not be played on the main bridge viewer unless the ship is in spacedock.
T'Rowa		Making out on consoles is forbidden.

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