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This week's idea was inspired by merely watching the movie - I literally went and made a coffee while they were approaching the Enterprise.
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

The Slow Motion Picture! This 2001:A Space Odyssey wannabe movie desperately needs parodying for the sheer tedium, no scene more drawn out than the approach towards the Enterforaprize. Even one of Captain Quirk's famous dramatic pauses couldn't compare!


Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of Sev Trek TV Cartoon Contest. The winning punchline was written by The Red 9. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions.


BC

Oh, sorry. Engage!!!!

TBone

Hey, this rug ain't getting any younger!

TSN

I can't feel my legs...

TSN

You used to multiply your time estimates. Gone to dividing now, have we?

NeonLizard

There goes the sequal

Sothis

Peepee alert.... warning, bladder breach inniment!

Bob

I'm guessing my pizza's free.

Jazzy

Okay, and a JIFFY is how long in space years ??

Heather Nova

Let's hope the people back home have a fast forward button!

Michael "Borgy" Finley

There's....something over there....some thing.....over there!

Bill Harris

Your jiffies just ain't what they used to be, Squatty.

bryan douglas

We had a lot of left-over film score, didn't we?

Kurt

Computer, collision alert!

Trevor Raggatt

Squatty, *I* cannae take any more

MindMelda

It's true what they say....old people drive too slow!

Sean-Luc

Wow, I've clocked this sucker, and at the rate we're going, I'll be able to quote TWO lines!!

Raven

Like Captain............... like ship.

talshiarHQ

The federation is getting old, Squatty!

Heather Nova

And this is supposed to rival Sev Wars? Get Lucas on the phone...

Bill Harris

The green button takes it out of park, Squatty.

MindMelda

Well, Mr. Squat, I think the audience has had enough time for a bathroom break.

Panza

I'm not getting any younger.

Panza

Hurry up, my bladder's full.

Sophie

Finally you've adjusted to my pace!

Kirk's Wig

Come on Spotty, we've got another five sequels and another 60 green female aliens to go through yet

John Lang

Slow down! You almost hit that turtle in the space suit!

Alex

The Enterforaprize will launch in twelve hours whether or not we are aboard, Squatty.

Alex

Quirk to Enterforaprize, I know the Transploders are Malfunctioning, Try it anyway!

Alex

The Enterforaprize Launches in twelve hours, will I be aboard before that?

Alex

The Alien is three days away....... Two days...... One day..........There it is!

OptimalOp

You CAN use the accelerator, you know.

Cassandra

Is there going to be a meal served?

m

So, they re-wrote the dictionary!

Nodrog_CRC

Ok, I think all the movie goers are asleep. Cut to the bridge scene and make them all just think they slept through an expensive docking sequence.

Lurker24601

OK...OK...the audience has seen the ship. Let's GO!

Andrew giggal

why did we take the shuttle and die of old age when we can take the transporter and die instantly

Chris Forman

Remind me never to trust your time estimates again

augustdragon

Yes, this 'forward momentum' concept is tricky, isn't it?

augustdragon

I think my natural hair is growing back.

augustdragon

Don't you think we all know what the damn ship looks like by now?!

augustdragon

I *told* you to stop and ask for directions!

P Swayne

Pedal faster, Squatty.

P Swayne

Sorry, forgot I was the director... ACTION!

P Swayne

Squatty, by the time we get there, that bald-headed babe will have grown hair.

Tom Hyde

Hurry, Squatty! I heard there was an alien babe with no hair on board!

Dr Satan

C'mon, I've wiped out civilisations quicker than this

Allan

We'll need another movie just to get onboard.

Allan

Is this the sequel already?

Allan

Will we get there before she's obsolete?

8 of 12

It's the yellow button. You can't miss it.

Lt. Brad Gentry

You didn't forget the engine again, did you?

Jonnyroth

If you're GOING to press the button then PRESS the button

P Swayne

Squatty, have you figured out how we can stretch this tv-sized plot into a movie yet?

+PsychoPat+

Did I mention there are doughnuts on the Enterforaprize?

Jonathan

Scotty when they say dramatic flyby, you actually have to fly past the object

Iris

Tell me, how long it'll really takes?

LA

Hurry. Before the orchestra goes home.

the girl from ipanema

This isn't slow motion, this is the NO MOTION picture!

Christopher

Speed it up! My facelift is starting to sag

Joyda

I can walk faster than you fly this thing. Considering my age that's pretty... slow. Where's my spacesuit?

trex

So that's how it's going to be. The ship gets more airtime than I do.

trex

Have you ever heard me sing, Squattie?

trex

To BOLDLY go, OK?

trex

Whassamatter? Don't you remember where we parked?

trex

We've got a million Enterforaprize model kits to sell off, so we'd better keep it onscreen as long as we can.

trex

Slow and steady, Mr Squattie.

trex

Make it slow.

trex

It's the big green button marked "Go".

trex

It took us 11 years to get to the big screen, so what's the rush, right?

Alicat

Is my ego slowing us down?

AT

Hey...I'm...the one...who does...the dramatic pauses!

Cordavin Lon

This is like waiting for a pizza to be delivered.

Cordavin Lon

This movie is..... like one long... break in one of my.... sentences....

Richard Merk

Are you multiplying your estimate by a factor of four again, Scotty?

TotallyMAD

Can't reach the control panel, eh Squatty?

Ann E. Nichols

Thanks, Squatty, I'm ready to collect my pension now.

Ann E. Nichols

Enough admiration time already! Just beam me aboard!

evay

Now I know why you were passed over for helm duty.

Q

Come on Squatty! This is longer then my lines!!!

Banai

If I was directing, we'd be there by now.

Banai

Please Squatty, before we're cancelled again.

Mats-Trek

That's strange, I'm not the only one using dramatic pauses...

Lester Gash

Its a nice ship... But in the three years its taken to get here... I've kinda got bored of the view...

John Lang

Gaby Cook moves faster than this!

John Lang

I think Jerry Goldsmith is running out of music soon...better hurry up.

Darth Bean

When I was a boy.... there was none of this easy docking stuff... we had to fly the ship ourselves.... with a real joystick.... for 5 lightyears.... uphill... both ways... and they didn't have these generator things... we had to cook our own food.... in a real microwave.... and the babes...none of this generic white alien stuff.... we had green Orion dancing girls... those were the days, when Mr. Squatt was still skinny and I had more hair... and Starfleet wasn't full of these young rapscallions who can't respect their elders.... They had real Klingoffs in those days.... none of this peaceful stuff.... yessir.... fistfights.... not phizzers, bah... those were the good old days.

Tyrrogan

Now I remember why we never let you fly the ship!

Chris

I... appreciate... your... making... time... for... a ... speech.

????

Oh... Darn... I... Forgot... The speech... this... whole... scene.., was... extended... for

Glorendil

I'll tell you what - You go on, and I'll have a word with the editor...

Jules

The critics will already be done complaining by the time it reaches us!

The Red 9

I know old people move slow, but this is ridicules.

Viserov

Okay, I think the audience's bathroom break is over.

Viserov

Hurry up, I have a "meeting" with my new Yeoman.

Viserov

Hurry up before I start pressing buttons.

palleon1

You forgot which button it was didn't you?

palleon1

For God's sake Squatty, slow down! You're going to get us killed!

Viserov

Come on, Squatty! My hair isn't gettin any thicker!

Sevanonymous

My god...I thought I was old *before* this ride!

Londo Moelarry

No hurry, Squatty. Only an gigantic alien probe bearing down on Earth intent on destroying all life on the planet. So don't rush or anything. Maybe you'd like to pub crawling in Glascow first?

Pepo

Captain's Log, sevlemental. Mr Squat and I seem to be stuck in a sort of...time....vortex. I call this effect the "Zone of Boredom". Unless we can break free of the zone, the movie going public will undergo rapid aging while watching this film. On my personal authority as captain, I have decided take over direction of the film.

Nodrog_CRC

All that weight and you can't put any of it on the gas pedal?

Engineman AKAscotty

That jiffy is long gone by now

Ravenid

So....you....fly....like....I....talk....eh....?

Nodrog_CRC

Could you go any slower? Some of the movie watchers are still awake.

Nodrog_CRC

Squatty... are... you... doing... THIS... to make... fun... of... the way... I... Talk?

Nodrog_CRC

I asked for WARP speed, not worm speed.

T'Rowa

I know I've put on a few pounds, but the shuttle's engines can't be THAT overloaded.

jdwiseman

Enjoy it while it lasts. This is the last forward direction this movie has.

jdwiseman

I think I just got older.

augustdragon

I'm going to take a nap. Wake me when we get there.

AndieX

This scene ... makes my talking ... seem ... ... fast.

AndieX

Could you please remove your hand from the 'pause' button?

AndieX

It's a lovely painting, but can't we activate the view screen instead?

AndieX

I'd actually prefer being melted by the transploders than completing this ride.

Darth Bean

If it...keeps up...like this...I...might...actually...be able...to...say...something...this...episode.

Petréa Mitchell

Forget the jiffy, can we be in there in two shakes of a lamb's tail?

Dial "M" for Maul

Wow, the viewing audience is still here. You really are a miracle worker!

Dial "M" for Maul

When does the beverage cart come by?

Dial "M" for Maul

What's the inflight movie?

Dial "M" for Maul

We're really "Boldy Going" now...

Dial "M" for Maul

What do you mean, "What docking clamps"?

Dial "M" for Maul

I loose HAIR faster than this!

Dial "M" for Maul

Whatever is wrong with the transporters, it can't be this bad.

Nulani

... I thought this was a motion picture.

Matthew Nikirk

Isn't that the Enterforaprize-Y over there?

Shlamko

It took you awhile, but you've finally changed the laws of physics!

Talar

let me guess "i cannea give her nemore captain the engines just cannea take it?"

Brian

I want to get there BEFORE the sequel, Squatty!

Brian

Since when are you UNDERESTIMATING how long it takes to do something?

Dr Satan

Tell the ensigns to row faster!

Dr Satan

Quick, it's getting away!

Shlamko

Jiffies are much longer then what they're used to be!

Cybermoose

At least this cuts down my acting time.

John Fassbender

I knew I should have gone before I left.

EnabranMek

Is there enough time for me to go on vacation first???

009

If we don't get there in half an hour, the pizza's free, right?


I hate it when the ship has more screen time than I.

Anton Geurts

I remember the days when a "Jiffy" was fast.

Wendee Rae

Woah! Slow down there, Squatty, I might break a hip!

kevin

is it my imagination or is this ship going slower than my speeches.

Tyrrogan

I'd say something really profound here, but I'm afraid we've already put the audience to sleep.

Tyrrogan

30 years as chief engineer and you STILL leave the parking break on!

Cybermoose

I'll be old and hairless my the time we get there... oh wait.

Allan

My enthusiasm just ran out.

Capt. Bob.

Can you just put her in gear Mr. Squatt.

Amie Howell

Yes, yes. Great view. Squatty the engineering genius. Now, can we go the ship?

Amie Howell

I think they've carried the "pause for dramatic effect" a bit too far.

Kris

I see...your driving...has been...influenced by...my speech.

Mike Howell

They should rename these things to "Stationary Pods."

Mike Howell

Don't tell me, you're giving me "all she's got," right?

Mike Howell

Is "jiffy" a new scientific term for a bazillion years?

essayg

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we...

8 of 12

Whenever you're ready, Squatty.

Powerlord

Squatty, that's Mars, not a stoplight!

Powerlord

Say, was that the Enterforaprize D that just flew by?

spiffy

Who knew 1 scene would have 5 intermission breaks.

spiffy

Perhaps you should disengage the emergency brake.

Mav

It would be over sooner if we moved TOWARDS her, Squatty

Sweeney Todd

Is Spook trying to clean up before my arrival?

hejira

'You cannae make the jiffy go faster'?


Are we there yet?

Sweeney Todd

Just... enough.... time.... to.... speak.... my.... dialogue

spiffy

Does this trip come with restroom breaks?

spiffy

Come on Mr. Squatt, I'm aging here.

spiffy

Is this your way of getting more screen time?

spiffy

You did turn on the engines, right?

spiffy

Perhaps you should go out and push.

Mark

Let me out. I'll walk the rest of the way.

Mark

Your getting paid by the hour, aren't you.

Griffin

Ok. You won't become captain by waiting for me to die.

Mark

I've killed 10 ensigns in less time.

Griffin

You know getting there is half the fun. But we don't have any board games.

Griffin

Might wanna look up the word 'jiffy'.

The Red 9

Having a senior moment?

The Red 9

Let me guess, "jiffy" means a few hours in Scotland?

The Red 9

Scotty... you're... moving... slower... then... I... talk...

KSheff

I know we're getting old, but shouldn't "jiffy" be faster than this?

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