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This week's idea was suggested on the Ideas Board by 8 of 12
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

Pinchhard & Poker. It took 7 years before Captain Pinchhard finally joined his officers for a game of poker - this week we find out what took him so long!.

Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of Sev Trek TV Cartoon Contest. The winning punchline was written by John Guenther. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions.

Endris Gakor

"I" "HAVE" "NO" "CHIPS!"


Because this is supposed to be fun. I can't stand having fun.

Peter Brimelow

I'm a "bridge" man!


There's no hair where I could hide my six aces!


Well, someone has to run the ship now and again.


And all this time I thought you lot were doing something productive in your spare time....


With this forehead? My Salary isn't THAT big.

Graeme Lyon

Poker? I thought you played Snap.


I prefer cleaning out the ensigns. They're more risk-taking.


With all the command officers near the table, SOMEONE got to drive this ship!


well when you say "pick a card" I think its my go!


I spent years alone figuring out how to use my head as an effective mirror


Well, since we don't have any money, I didn't think it was worth it

Dan Caddy

So tell me again ... are four aces good?


I've been polishing my bald spot for the perfect poker-face

Alan Shaw

"I heard Barf couldn't bluff his way out of a paper bag".


Interfering with a primative culture violates the prime directive.


I'm a captain, not a card shark.

Alan Shaw

"Well for the past seven years I've Had a life!!".


And play for what? It's not like we pay you people anything..


Because whenever a game is on, something *ALWAYS* goes wrong with the universe!

Captain Big Mouth

Because you never serve Earl Grey.

Bill Harris

It took me this long to buff the shine off my head.


I don't have a poker face, I have a poker forehead

Trevor Raggatt

I'm a captain. I prefer the bridge.


Maybe if my name was Pokercard or Pickrightcard...


Last time I lost I pulled out all my hair.


I'm finding out as we speak.


I only SERVE with you because of orders.


How can I explain life to the lifeless?


My regular partners say you're annoying, but what do Cue, Guinan and Measley know?


At my age, I didn't think I could stand the excitement.


Time may be infinite, but the list of reasons is longer.


I still had an ounce of dignity.


No one ever invites me.


Because I HAVE a life.

Ann E. Nichols

You always held them at tea time.


A droid, a telepath and a gambler, yeah right


I'm usually playing poker with the female of the week, in my quarters...


Hmmm, with an empath more useless than a 20th century telephone psychic, an android with less common sense than the aforementioned empath, and a Kirk wannabe, let me take a guess...


It's that I just don't like you

Ensign Schizo

The visors leave unsightly marks on my forehead.


If I can't count 4 lights, what chance do I have at cards?

Tim Sleep

I thought it was strip poker, this is a one piece suit you know!

Kenyar Jad

I waited until Gaudy reprogrammed Beta to stop stacking the deck!


(Singing) Because you got to know when to hold'em, know when to fold'em. (Spoken) And I don't.

Nick Weaver

Piker may be dumb enough to play poker against an android, an empath, a guy who can see through the cards, and a klingoff who can rip his arms off, but I'm not.

Lester Gash

Poker? I thought we were playing Rummy...NEXT you'll be telling me you gamble these silly little chips


I already lost my real heart and my hair in poker. What do I have left?

Major Emz

The cards must be drawn here!


You sense emotions, Beta has no emotions, and Piker can't emote. Now shut up and deal.


I like to wear frilly things off duty, it's nothing personal


My last game was with Jack Cruncher over Measly. I lost!

Stacy Duke

Betazoid telepathy, droid logic, human dishonesty...Would you?

TrekStar KRoNoS

Remember? We don't have money in the 24th century.

Air CB

It's hard to properly tug on one's shirt when sitting down.


Poker? I thought we were playing Fizzbin. No wonder I have such a lousy hand.

Timo Röhling

That's why I'm the Captain - more bridge experience.


My cards are reflected of my scalp.

Mehdi Ebnesha-

It would help if I had some bloody chips!


Beta always takes 4 hours to decide his next move...


The Bored have assimilated my cheating abilities.


Bev wouldn't let me out!


I normally play Billiard with Cue, but when he started some remarks about similarities between my head and the cueball I had to move on...


I always wanted to, but didn't find the time! Oooops, you can't sense lies, can you?


I hate loosing. By the way, how do you like the sound of "Ensign Tryhard"?

John Guenther

Tryhard, how come you never do anything worthwhile?

John Guenther

Two words: Nap Time.


Right! You read minds. Beta counts cards, and I wont be #2 to #1.

Wendee Rae

Can't you sense my boredom?

Wendee Rae

So this final scene won't seem incredibly stupid.

Wendee Rae

The loser has to shave their beard or dye their hair.


I fold more times than Forager.

Mark Foster

It is difficult to top the poker face of an android

meggy eel

Er, I wouldn't want to win ALL the time...

Ivana Laffalot

I never needed to put the series "to sleep!"

Ivana Laffalot

I waited 7 years I'm regretting it already!

Ivana Laffalot

I got this command playing against Quirk-- I lost.

Ivana Laffalot

The PC Directive forbids winning.

Ivana Laffalot

The same reason I won't do it in the movies!

Ivana Laffalot

I prefer the adrenalin-rush of archeology!

Ivana Laffalot

You KNOW I always tug when I'm bluffing!


I bet my hair and lost last time I played poker.


And ruin my image of uptightness? I think not.

Ivana Laffalot

Because a straight beats three jokers!


And play against an empath, a walking card calculator, a man who can read cards via infrared, a Klingoff who could wipe the floor with me, and a first officer who keeps blowing my chances with women?

Ivana Laffalot

I was waiting for the show to get the royal flush!

Ivana Laffalot

I didn't feel like getting cancelled!


There are only FOUR CHAIRS!

Ivana Laffalot

The studio called my bluff.

Ivana Laffalot

We never had a farewell get-together shot before.

Ivana Laffalot

Seven seconds to answer a seven-year question?

Ivana Laffalot

It's the only time I got AWAY from you!

Ivana Laffalot

I was busy worrying about Piker's career, listening to your psychobabble, and watching Beta's exploits into humanity.


We were never being cancelled.


Time may be limited, but my patience is not!


To keep my sanity, but all good things...

David D

My number 1 is a Joker, My Ace is a Naive - you figure it out!


Hasn't Beta told you? He stacks the deck.


Play Poker with an empath?! Oh yeah, you're a gender non-specific person with slight mental disabilities, what was I thinking?!


You're a Telepath Counsellor. YOU figure it out.

Dial "M" for Maul

My forehead reflect better than any mirror could.

Dial "M" for Maul

Piker cheats. Beta practices against Newton, Einstein and Hawking. Gaudy can see through the cards. You're Betazoid. Any more dumb questions?

Dial "M" for Maul

Save the universe first, THEN play poker.


I have to put up with Jacks and Jokers all day...I don't have to put up with it at night!


I always told myself I'd do it before the show was over...Oh by the way, we're all fired.


Since I changed my name, I can't PICK the right card anymore.


I know you keep an ace up your sleeve. Only, not literally your "sleeve", Miss Low-Cut-Uniform...


I usually play Uno with the junior officers.


We have no money, I'd have to use the Enterforaprise as collateral


The thought of seeing Barf naked was too much to bear - this *is* a strip poker game isn't it??

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

I usually play tiddlywinks with Barf instead!


How come you never come to my Grey Earl Tea Parties?

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

You read my mind, Beta scans my cards and Piker knows all my maneuvers - why bother?!


And leave all the ensigns in charge of the bridge?

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

Never under estimate the power of Playstation!

Robert Aaron

And play against an android who counts cards at lightspeed and a ships counselor who can read emotions? Forgive me counselor...but are you crazy?.


Against an arrogant gambler, a talking calculator and a mind reader?

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

It's not my cup of tea!

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

Reshuffling is futile!

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

I play for pips not smarties!


Uh oh red alert she wants an explanation


YOU are the cards i play with

V. Equinox

If I lose another hand, somebody's getting demoted.

V. Equinox

I finally figured out how to win in a diplomatic, politically correct way.


I prefer games of skill like rock, paper, & scissors.


I'm the only crew member playing with a full deck.


That is irrelivent! You will surrender all your chips to me! Resistance is futile!

Londo Moelarry

Normally the SevDirective prevents me from interferring in the poker games of less developed life forms.


Someone wrote "Pinchard" on all the Joker cards.


What? And abandon my game of Old Maid with Measley??

Green Leader

Bad new name, bad new attiude.

Frogboy Lives

You want me to spend MORE time with you lot.


I do enough bluffing against alien races.

Mike Howell

I can never remember when to "go fish."


Because *you* always know what my cards are!


unlike you lot, I only play with a full deck!


I was afraid it was "strip poker", and with our one piece uniforms...


Every time I bet the Enterforaprize you people fold!


Oh, I'm usually busy with other things like, oh I don't know, MANNING A STARSHIP!

Jason Okun

Counsellor, I hope it's you playing footsie with me right now


I can't hold cards and tug my shirt at the same time, can I?


It's Pinchhard, not Pokehard

Dano Langevin

Brushing up on my game of Bald Man's Bluff


I boldly lose all the time!


When I say "ante" Piker steps on it, when I say "call" Beta asks "who" and when I say "pot" you ask "were".

4 of 5

I thought there was a minimum hair requirement to join


I prefer a different deck, the holodeck.


I cant stand your faces, let alone your poker faces.


I love to activate red alert while you are playing.


It would ruin my air of aloof superiority.

ScottE Bemeup

It's not proper for the ruling class to socialize with the peasants.


I don't know why it took me so long, I have the perfect face for the game!

Ivana Laffalot

I can stand torture, but I'd rather avoid it.

The Great Wizzard

Ask Piker. HE's responsible for assigning my shifts at the same time as your poker games!

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

I'm the only ace in this pack!

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

Well you never come to my knitting bees!

Tom Hyde

I never really liked you people.


Because you'd lose against my Bored poker face.


And let Measly alone on the bridge? NO WAY!


Every time I have good cards, you can hear my artificial heart.


It never occured to me to have fun onboard a starship.


I have been interrogated, implanted, assimilated, stabed, probed and dissected. I think I'm ready to play poker now.

mouse - Jefferies tube 32

My shiny head always betrays me!


There was a diplomatic conference on every time you had a game!


I'm usually out Fridays with Q.


Oh, I don't know. Maybe saving the federation was more important


Intersteller Sembionic Tacion-Phased Underwater Basket weaving was cancelled today.


Well when I become a mindreading, card counting, poker faced mutant, then I will join you!


I can only play go fish.


Because you play wit five cards. BUT THERE ARE ONLY FOUR CARDS!!!


I refuse to play until Beta turns off his infrared eye mode!


Bev.. err I mean work has kept me busy


I see you EVERY DAY on the bridge. I dont have to see you in my free time!


What? and sit at a table full of people with hair? no thanx, i'll pass on the humiliation!


I`m still practising on my pokerface.


Well, how come none of you come to any of my flute recitals then huh?

Dr Satan

The stakes aren't high enough. In my last game with Admiral Jones, I bet the enterforaprize.


Because being irritated on the bridge by all of you is enough for me

Rejected by the Borg

Because the fifth series might be Star Trek: Casino

Rejected by the Borg

Because the Queen cards reminds me of the Borg.

The Great Wizzard

You can see my cards reflecting in my bald spot.


That's a long story. It began all in Star Fleet Academy.....


I lost my hair in a Poker Game.

The Great Wizzard

It's bad enough listening to you stating the blatantly obvious on the bridge, I don't have to do so in my spare time.


I'm a sore looser.

The Great Wizzard

Some of you banned me when I continued my moralizing speeches.

The Great Wizzard

I've lost too many uniforms in such games...


In a society without money there didn't seem to be much point


You just want to see everyone else's cards in the reflection from my head!

The Great Wizzard

Beta stole my "Dealer" cap.

Johnathan McClure

Because SOMEBODY has to be on the Bridge!

Johnathan McClure

Because I haven't marked the cards yet...

Johnathan McClure

Why haven't you been coming to my Yahtzee games?


If I sit too long my suit will wrinkle.


Oh look! I've got all the pretty picture cards!


Ummm...Go Fish?


Between your mind reading, Beta's card counting and Piker's poker face, what chance do I have?

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