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| Sev Trek: The Comic Strip Gainweight's hairstyle. Okay, I've been avoiding doing this cartoon for a while now because I simply like the way I already drew Gainweight's hair but I can avoid it no longer (although I'm saying right now that I will be going back to the bun hairstyle in future strips! 
| Other Punchlines |
| These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by
Elim. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions. |  baz
| i've noticed captains get more respect with less hair baz
| don't worry, i have already assigned a damage repair team King Hussein
| I pressed the 'Pickhard style' button by mistake! Londo Moelarry
| Transploder Room One, Styling Emergency! Transport me directly to the Salon Bay! Polson
| Off hand I'd say I got it cut. Andrew Dullege
| I was bet I couldn't go 5 minutes without coffee SEELE 01
| It was actually the mother of all tirbbles Maccy
| The Do wouldn't fall back. Avenger CO
| 10 said the gravometric effectas kept disruptering her calculations. Dawn|Star
| Your spirit animal started nesting. Tristan
| Vidiians harvested it. Mr. Tribble
| That's nothing, in the season's finale, I'll lose all my hair! multisingular
| It was either loosen the hair or get stretch marks on my face. Tanika
| That's exactly what I've convened this meeting to discover. Tanika
| We had creative differences. Graeme
| Ten out of Ten just became Ship's Beautician. Resistance if Futile......Unfortunately! Quantum
| I used it for a coffee filter Elmo
| Question my command descisions, but never my hair... Elmo
| I felt it was time to draw attention away from Ten Ben K
| Skull breach, deck one! Potswilly
| Some refugees needed a new homeworld, so I gave it to them. Tanika
| With our supplies so low, Kneelix and I decided we'd have to survive on hair pasta the rest of the trip. Tom61
| I'm an evil clone of Janeway, her hair style wouldn't fit in the cloning tube! Mav
| We used it to build the next ten shuttles. peter
| We seperated. The do is now the ships new commander....sorry chocolatey. Shlamko
| It got it's own spinoff. Iva
| i cut it and sent it back to earth. They use it to make wigs for less fortunate captains now. Morgan
| The writers got bored, it was either the hands on hips or the hair. Murdoc
| You really can't act as Starfleet Ambassador and have people take you seriously with hair like that. §Sean§
| It evolved into a higher being and went to look for Cuss Potswilly
| The 'do hit the fan. drongo1
| We were going warp 8 and my head got a blowout ThePenguin Weekly
| Isn't there an airlock that you're supposed to be cleaning? spacegal88
| Well my back isn't hurting anymore. Thank god for that. JDSandara
| It's clogging all the drains on the ship. mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Dandruff levels reached critical! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Twoblocks has been combing the ship looking for it! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| I cut it and found 47 lost probes and 3 missing crew members! Puke
| My blow dryer was draining the warpcore. Sav
| It was slowing us down. Now we should be home within the week. Vixen of Borg
| Ten out of ten stole my structural integrity generator to keep her costume on joerg
| Downsized, like your rank, Ensign Chocolatay. Wendee Rae
| The Year of Hell was actually how long it took me to wash it. Wendee Rae
| I don't know, but I found a dollar under my pillow. Johnathan McClure
| I mixed up by hair dryer and coffee grinder. Jedi Jawa
| I'm gradually going bald. Then I'll be a REAL captain. Ins_End
| Nothing!!!!...by the way you wouldn't have a puncture repair kit would you. Auggur
| I had a "little" turbolift door clearance problem. Sevanonymous
| I'm not sure...oh, by the way, my sonic shower has a real nasty clog in it... Tyrrogan
| I don't know - Chocolaty, you're leading the search party. Sevanonymous
| We had to ditch some mass to reach Warp 9. KaC
| I had enough of the Doctor complaining about his baldness. Quip
| Let's just say it's a load of my mind! RealmMan
| It was either get a haircut or get a chiropractor. EofS
| Its all the rage with captains woohoo
| Do the 'do before coffee -big error in judgement Rick
| I found out that it was "Dry Clean Only" Kat
| Who reprogramed my hair dryer to blow at 250mph? Auggur
| Please tell the computer the difference between "Mousse" and "Moose." Polson
| I was an ogan doner for the EMH. Borg 9 of 9 235
| Let's just say, Paris is back in the brig eric zuiderduin
| we're 70.000 lightyears away from a beauty parlor - and you ask what happened! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| It went super nova! Three-of-Seven
| You see that new nebula out there, that's my hair! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| It was obscuring my think tank! Scott McClenny
| I'm the Janeway from the decaffeinated universe! Matthew S
| My hairdryer broke, so I stuck my head in the Warp core Derek
| I had a choice: Hold the record for 'Most outdated hairdo' or 'Most hair lost in a single cut'. Matthew S
| Don't make fun of me, look around you, we have pointy ears from Twoblocks, partial ridges from Torrid, and you with your silly tattoo Matthew S
| When you crew starts calling you MOM, it's time for a change Quip
| The bees died. Quip
| One of the Bored was Edward Scissorhands. Tyson Munro
| ... didnt i demote you Kurt
| This is a bad hair season. B
| At least it still has its natural colour, Commander Mark Foster
| Talk to the hair, cause the face don't wanna hear it! Phil Allely
| The hairdryer was on warp factor 9 Anneke
| I had to keep chasing the birds out -- as well as a certain commander... Jeff's world
| thats the last time I recalibrate the hairdryer myself usscantabrian
| My hairstyle is a dedication to your acting style: flat, static and pretty run-of-the-mill... mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| I was becoming a bulkhead Powerlord
| It took over Cuss's old job in the Hairponics Bay. Wendee Rae
| I accidently set my curling iron to fry. Wendee Rae
| When I used all my rations on mousse, it had to go. Wendee Rae
| I made a new blanket for Naiveti. Ina Geissmar
| Well Chocolatay, didn't you say the only way to get home is a real short cut? ThePenguin Weekly
| I used it to patch up all the holes in the hull from the countless fights we end up getting ourselves into. ThePenguin Weekly
| That's the last time I let you phaser an apple off my head. Ben K
| I don't know, I always ask for my hair "Well Bun" Griffin
| I knew it had to go when it started drinking my coffe. Griffin
| Let's just say it didn't take well to the mind meld. Griffin
| Don't use a warp plasma vent for a hair dryer. Griffin
| I finaly encountered a being that could defeat my hairstyle. I abandoned my hair and hit the self destruct.(Sob) Williamson
| My Trubbles are on strike Samurai
| You know, you COULD ask Bologna about her ridges or Tuvok about his ears.... Samurai
| Commander, let's get one thing straight. You don't ask about my hair....I don't ask about your tattoo. Blue_Eyes
| What? Is my comb stuck in it again? Matt Hancock
| I tried drying it with a photon torpedo Dano Langevin
| Lost follicle containment, had to jettison the bun core. Dano Langevin
| It got Kirked. Dano Langevin
| The bun was so 2370's. Dano Langevin
| I've been meaning to get back to my roots. jdwiseman
| Never dry your hair on a warp nacelle. Ego
| Bologna thought it was a tribble, and attacked it with a bat'leh John Guenther
| I knew it was time to cut it when I couldn't hold my head up straight anymore. DS
| you said warped drive was more impotant than hairdrier power! The Chia Rhino
| Look for it in tomorrow's stew. John Lang
| I had to get Naomi out of my hair---literally! GI - Janeway
| It's going through a year of hell. M
| I stopped eating my crusts MyTatuo
| After I placed my shampoo bottle in the sonic-shower stall, there was no more room for me MyTatuo
| Hey, the 'do do what it wanna do! MyTatuo
| Resistance is follicle MyTatuo
| The 'do is in for it's thrity-light-year overhall MyTatuo
| I'm not the captain. I'm her parellel-universe double, Cappicino MyTatuo
| We've got to start cutting back. Bologna, you're next... MindMelda
| It was over Forager's maximum weight capacity for a hairdo. Spiner
| Forager was riding a little front-heavy. Plain Simple
| Ok, now would be a good time for incoming danger. veggieDana
| I couldn't stand the hair in my face every single time a crises arose. Derek
| Practical joke. On another note, Tomb Parasite is missing and presumed dead... Bobby
| Never get into an argument with Balonga when she's holding a bat'leth Johnny Cool
| It was used to fix the hole on desk 7 MindMelda
| I had to cut back hairspray or coffee, so here I am! Tyrrogan
| You people just can't accept change, can you? Deal with it and move on! Tyrrogan
| It was either me or the Do - 'coz this ship ain't big enough for the both of us! Samurai
| I'll give you TEN reasons. AT
| It was getting more screen time than me. John Guenther
| Let's just say the barber is now eating his replicator rations through a tube. John Guenther
| I decided to cut it when I found birds had begun to nest in it. gurglesplat
| A small planet fell into it and it imploded gurglesplat
| The food situation is worse than you think Joker**
| I cut it..... what are you blind?? Captain Leita Chandra T'Por
| It was discovered that the weight was adding an additional 70 years onto our trip, so we chopped it all off and used it for fuel, food, and replicator energy. Captain Treklin
| Kneelicks ran out of pasta last night. death_hammer
| I discovered that my bun was actually a gigantic nest of tribbles! NoRtHCoAsT
| I ran out of anti-frizz gel. Mike
| That damn thing weighed more than Shatner's ego! Mike
| Phase 1 of the Pickhard Manoeuvre. Kris
| I'm working towards a promotion. Kris
| I tried to trim it before I had my coffee. E-Nice
| One of you get me a cup of CAFFINATED coffee or you'll all be scrubbing the outer hulls again. Raven
| My forehead was starting to collapse because of the weight. Chop
| It's what the writers on this show call "character development". Chop
| Hair-time was eating into coffee-time! ThePenguin Weekly
| Ensign Whatisface hasn't figure out how to get it out of the transploder buffer yet. Gevskot
| Captains loose hair because of all the *STRESS* the entire crew gives them... anymore dumb questions, ENSIGN? ThePenguin Weekly
| I expect the entire crew to contribute to the "Restore Gainweight's Hair" fund. ThePenguin Weekly
| A Bored cube got entagled in it, so I had no choice but to cut it. Bronny
| Somebody set my sonic shower to "Cut & Style" Blade
| Like our relationship, it was eaten by the Continuity Monster. Jane Garland
| Got caught in the turbolift door. Jane Garland
| What happened to your manners? Jane Garland
| What? Opps! Ten minute resess while I go get my wig. Jane Garland
| I let Nativete play hair salon. me
| We broke up. I got the ship, it got the dog. Timothious Smith
| I tried to dry it with my phaser. EofS
| Lets just say The Do, doesn't EofS
| The bun went mouldy EofS(wish i could spell)
| The phizzer won James Alan Young
| The Emotional Holographic Doctor has begun studying hairdressing. @lien
| I've had too much hair for a captain. pjs
| Don't go there Commander. AndieX
| Q asked for "a lock" of it. I knew I shouldn't have agreed! Jav171
| What happened to your personality? Sirrta
| We're running out of seasons . Time to go faster. Darth David
| It's style Chakotay, but not as you know it Elvis
| I mistook anti-matter for conditioner Douglas MacAskill
| The bored are always looking for new speices to assimilate... Ian Clarke
| Kneelick's is my new fashion advisor. He's quite the diva. Come on, we actually have to give him something to do! LadyGrey
| I washed it and it shrunk Mr. Memo
| Coffee. Now. Ordering. You. Bring. Here. Polgara
| My animal guide needed nesting material. Polgara
| I've confused my phizzer with my hairdryer for the last time. Dial "M" for Maul
| Harry couldn't see the viewscreen. Mr. Memo
| Rules for Captains #1: Less hair = more wisdom. Dial "M" for Maul
| When I dropped a needle in there, looking for it was out of the question. buster bunny
| The doc finally decided on a toupee, Dial "M" for Maul
| Walking should not cause wiplash. Dial "M" for Maul
| The ceilings are clean. I can resume normal hairdo. Dial "M" for Maul
| I had to stop creating gravitational anomalies every time I turned my head. Dial "M" for Maul
| If we want to get home, we're ALL going to have to make cut backs. Dial "M" for Maul
| "Just a trim" I said. "A centimeter off the sides" I said. Mr. Memo
| It's my "before coffee" look. Dial "M" for Maul
| Don't tease the hair. Dial "M" for Maul
| It became sentient, and decided it could get home faster by walking. Shlamko
| It kept knoting with the plotholes. peter
| I just made $50 000 by selling it to some crazed fan at a Sev Trek convention. Todd
| I thought you wouldn't thrwart my advances if I got a new do peter
| Its always been like this, I just removed the coffee machine i was storing inside. Matt Falconknight
| The sheer mass of my bun was costing us too much in fuel...we could have been home last season without it! Shlamko
| It's only a bad hairdate. Richard Vohlers
| I couldn't compete with Ten of Ten's buns peter
| I was tired of the bun hitting the top of doorways everytime I walked through. Slade
| Someone replaced my hair brush with a phaser. peter
| Wait until you see me next season. My head will be shinier than Pickhards and Schitzos combined! Matt Falconknight
| Transploder accident...by the way Bologna, you're demoted to ensign...go clean out the warp core with toothbrush peter
| I tried to trim it using the cutting setting on my phizzer. Matt Falconknight
| This is what happenes when you wash your hair in COFFEE! Dacron
| Sevfleet likes their captains bald - I talked them into a compromise. Dacron
| The needs of the many outweighed the needs of the 'do. peter
| Ten said she had to assimilate it before it assimilated the rest of the ship. Dacron
| It was the only thing that could stop the Bored. Ellis
| It was either the hair or the coffee... mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Today is a good day to DYE! Shlamko
| It had to boldly go. Riff
| Never open a window when we go to warp. mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| We're surrounded by Bored cubes, Warped engines are offline, Shields are down to 2 percent, (so are the ratings) - and he asks about MY HAIR?! Derek
| My hair dryer finally died... rest in peace, my old friend... Buckwheat
| It turns out that my hairdresser, use to be Pickhard's barber. ScottE Bemeup
| An unfortunate incident involving an exotic flaming coffee. ScottE Bemeup
| The new shuttle has smaller doorways. ScottE Bemeup
| It's our ticket home. Prepare for the Rapunzal Maneuver. ScottE Bemeup
| It was starting to weigh heavily on my mind. ScottE Bemeup
| The carpet in the ready room was wearing thin. ScottE Bemeup
| Do youlike it? Think carefully before you answer. ScottE Bemeup
| Ensign Chocolatay, what happened to your rank? ScottE Bemeup
| Article 17.01 subsection C. All SevFleet captains must lose hair. The Great Wizzard
| Sev Trek standard plot #5: it grew sentient, threatened to take over the ship, big moral dilemma, in the end we agreed to let it roam freely in space, yadda yadda yadda... Pearl
| I discovered that the do had a plan- it wanted to become the captain of the forager! Michael Kraft
| Can't a girl let her hair down every once in a while? Pearl
| I cut it off before it began to get it's own moons! LA
| Once all those spare scuttlecrafts were gone, it lost its structural integrity. joerg
| I'm a Sevfleet captain. Becoming bald is part of the job. joerg
| Boldly gone... evay
| I *am* a captain... this is as close to bald as I get! Alicat
| The Doctor needed it for a toupee The Great Wizzard
| I got knocked down in a door frame 3 times yesterday. Alicat
| I ran with scissors evay
| So much for Casual Fridays. Alicat
| Sev Fleet Directive 47: Never ask the Captain about their hair evay
| I had a bad 'do containment morning, okay? Hawkwing
| The producers tried to make me bald, I disagreed. Hence this compromise Alicat
| What we had for tea last night- it wasn't spaghetti Alicat
| Kneelix made it into spaghetti Brian
| Never get in a hair pulling fight with Ten! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| It's on a short away mission! Glorendil
| That's the last time I redirect power from the warp drive to my hair drier. mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| We've run out of coffee, hairspray and lipstick - I think this is the start of the Year Of Hell! Blanchard
| Desperate ratings call for desperate measures... Blanchard
| Well...warp 9 happens... MindMelda
| I ran out of supermega-hold hairspray. MindMelda
| It was either this or widen all the doorways. Bill Harris
| It's my first step to affirming the Trek captain stereotype. Nodrog_CRC
| Turned out Kneelick's 'SLOP' does not double as a shampoo. MindMelda
| I had to eject my do's warp core! MindMelda
| As if you didn't know, Mr."Runs with Scissors"! Tyrrogan
| I think it just lost the will to live. You have that effect on people. Nodrog_CRC
| The universe suddenly remembered I was a Sev Trek Captain. By the end of this episode, I'll be bald. Phil
| Bologna used it to plug up the hull breaches Phil
| Tuvok set the phaser to above blow dry! Nodrog_CRC
| Let's just say from now on, we had better not lose any more shuttles. Lonewolf
| It became as unstable as a warp core. Tyrrogan
| The Do decided it would get home faster without me. Lonewolf
| I'm getting older. It's a Sev Captain thing. Tyrrogan
| The Captain's hair curse was bound to catch up with me sooner or later. The Great Wizzard
| The Do was SO last season.... Raptor
| My skill as a captain appears to be increasing. Corsair
| They've cut back in make-up to give us those big salarys. mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Cut backs! The Great Wizzard
| Remember that planet we stopped yesterday? A bird took The Do to build its nest! Sam
| This is what happens when you give me DECAF!! gurglesplat
| Seven doesn't quite cut it as a hairdresser. Trilliena
| Species 8845, their way of greeting is doing each others hair. Badly. The Great Wizzard
| It kept the Bored from us -- I call it "The Gainweight Maneuver"! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| 6 years and I've never asked what happened to your face! mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Even Captains have bad hair days! Potswilly
| It reached critical mass and is now imploding. The Great Wizzard
| I used it to trap Annoyme Wildman. According to my calculations, she'll need 6 weeks to get out of it, so I think it was worth the sacrifice! The Great Wizzard
| The Doc said it's the only way preventing breaking my neck. Quiddity
| Attention, Captain's announcement: Next person to point, snigger or comment at my hair goes in the brig! Gainweight out. mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Somebody opened an air lock! Potswilly
| Curse of the captains- I'm losing it. Quiddity
| As if you don't know, Mr. I'm-Sure-This-Phizzer's-On-Stun. Potswilly
| It is now free of hidden scuttlecraft. Lonewolf
| Same thing that happened to the Clingoff's foreheads. Lonewolf
| I set the Phaser incorrectly this morning. 5618 (David)
| This is the first stage of baldness! Joona Palaste
| I sold it to Pickhard. Just
| Never stand next to the hair stylist when the director yells cut. Just
| The barber suggested the "Captains Look" 5618 (David)
| Temporal anomaly Chocolatay, temporal anomaly! 5618 (David)
| My automatic hairdresser was set to Cuss-style! The Great Wizzard
| 27% "Keep", 12% "Mute", 14% "Neutral" and 47% "Cut". Samurai
| As I recall, someone suggested a certain 'bunfire.' Samurai
| I tried Neelix's Talaxian shampoo and herbal essences. John Lang
| NEVER stand in front of Bologna when she is practicing with her B'aleth John Lang
| You said, "Get off your buns,Captain" John Lang
| Too many "hair raising episodes" Joeno
| I couldn't to through the door anymore Elim
| We ran out of coffee. Don't ask. Elim
| The Bored assimilated it as the strongest substance known to them. Wendee Rae
| Kneelicks' leola shampoo was a bust. Wendee Rae
| Nothing, ENSIGN Chocolaty! Francis Miranda
| Sev fleet captain phenomenon. Francis Miranda
| Hair today. Gone tommorow. Francis Miranda
| Feeding it to the engines will slash 10 years from our trip. Francis Miranda
| It was slowing us down. Francis Miranda
| Kneelick's tried his skills as a hair stylist. JC
| The warped engines needed more fuel.
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