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I thought up this week's idea during last week's round - I don't think anyone has suggested it (although I've been wrong before :-)
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

The death of a red shirted ensign. On a spur of the moment decision (eg - I ran out of time), I decided to continue Ensign Expendable's adventures from last week to it's inevitable grisly end.


Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by Andrew Lipsett. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions.


Doggy Spew

Here and there.

Gordon Briggs

As a person...not so good. As a work of art...it's a masterpiece!

Asterope

He seems to be suffering from an acute attack of red-shirtedness

TaZ

Well one thing for sure ... He needs to chew his food better

Central

How is he, He's everywhere!

freilicher

Let's save energy, you said. Just beam him halfway down, you said. Moron!

Q

Well we wont be seeing HIM at the reunions thats for sure!

Quip

All of your gadgets, and all of your men, can't put the Ensign together again!

Gordon Briggs

Great! In fact 4 of his 4 appendages are still here!

WereCat

I don't think red was his colour, but it is now.

Big Ears

As well as would be expected for the number of crewmen we get through

DTrekker

He just couldn't keep it together for this mission.

DTrekker

Damnit, Gym! I'm a doctor not a seamstress!

TaZ

Squatty sneezed when he said "energize".

M Lewis

Ok, but he's no good for organ donation

Kris

He's dead...Wow! Deja vu.

MindMelda

He's ketchup, Gym!

jdwiseman

He should never have tried to surpress that sneeze!

Bill Harris

How do you think he is after having his molecules scrambled by that damned transploder?

Wiesel

I know what you want to hear! But I´m not going to say it!

Trond G.Sivertsen

The toycorder says 'Ensign unit defective, Replacement unit ordred.'

Scotty

Let me ask you this: How many ensigns does it take before this becomes wrong. Five hundred? A thousand? A million? Well how many ensigns does it take!?

Mark

I'll know when his torso lands Gym!

Mark

2 dimensional Gym!

Mark

He's showing typical Ensign lifesigns!

Andy

He's good captain I think we should use him again

CmdrChang

Okay, where did you put the rest of him?

CmdrChang

Darnit Gym! I can't solve this with pieces missing!

Lt. Brad Gentry

I think I'll confine him for a couple of days.

Lt. Brad Gentry

It's him, all over!

dettus

Now I know where the color of the red shirts come from!

C bemis

This was an Ensign?!

Puke

The tranploder is gonna have a hell of a time with this one.

Chris

Thats the fifth ensign this week, one more and we get the toaster!

Chris

Well, at least we have some raw material for the burger replicators now....

Chris

I don't understand, it says here he died of natural causes......oh theres more, 'for a red shirted ensign'..

jcbwilson

How come you always win the Redshirt Roulette office pool?

Dave Thompson

Even if I had the glue that holds your rug on, I couldn't put him back together.

24/7

Some herbs, some pasta layers, some bechemal sauce and we can have Ensign Lasagne!

spiffy

Gone...but his game of Pong is intact


What Ensign?

Scotty

How can I make a diagnosis when his torso is gone?!

Brian

Combined with Ensigns Noname, Missfire, and Goner, we'd almost have a whole ensign!

Haathi

I'd say he's inside out, but I can't find his outside, so I couldn't say for sure.

Mouse - jefferies tube 32

You ask him - your standing on his face!!

Lt L'ila

Parts of him are already back on the enterforaprize!

CMDR. Bents

This is an Ensign, I thought it was the pizza we had beamed down.

Lonewolf

Well, he's much like your sex life, all over the place

Lonewolf

Lets just say he's on a higher plain now.

Lonewolf

Accounting to these readings, his head is now in orbit.

Lonewolf

I'm picking up a heart beat, 50 meters, up.

Scotty

Never mind the ensign, he's expendable, but you are running out of shirts really fast Gym!

Taz

The rest of him should be beamed back any moment

Rhett

For a red shirt, he's in perfect shape.

CatsPaw

Let's not think of this as losing an ensign. Instead, let's think of it as gaining more screen time.

A NAMELESS GIRL FROM MISSISSIPPI

I don't know, I cant find his neck to check his pulse

Cmdr. Solomon

Hold On. Mr. Checkout, beam down some water and a jar of instant ensign mix.

Picard141

Ah, great, another expensive set down the drain.

André Gatien

He's at PIECE now.

André Gatien

Dammit Gym! I'm outta band-aids!

Q

I knew you needed a hair donor Gym but...

Kris

I'm tired of saying it. Say it yourself.

Nodrog

X marks the splat.

Madred

I consider him an interesting challenge!

MissIzzy

We may need another one...

Lonewolf

Why bother asking me? You know I'm going to say " He's Dead Gym!"

Taz

He's entered the Final Frontier

Taz

Blast it Gym! I reversed the batteries in my tricorder again.

Melkior

He's gone to Red Alert

Dave Creek

Well, captain, it looks like he's finally made his mark!

Jim McNamara

Readings are inconclusive.

§Sean§

Well they don't train them like they used to - one little mission and he goes to pieces

Raven

You know, it's getting harder to recruit ensigns.

Raven

Computer, activate catchphrase.

The Chia Rhino

Dammit Jim, I told you your shirt was unstable.

Jeff

He said "beam me up" Gym not "blow me up!"

Sam Fergusson

He's on report! He's legless AGAIN!

-Mercury1-

My gameboy says that his game is over.

Derek

Forget him, look at your shirt! I'd better take a look at that!

Mark

He did not live long nor prosper!

Mark

He has become one with his shirt!

Nick Cook

He's bolognaise Gym

MindMelda

He didn't even get a chance to say his line!

Michael Ostendorp

How would you like me to say "He's Dead Jim!" this time?

CatsPaw

Well, considering he's a redshirt he's actually got off pretty easy

sess-pity

You STILL don't know why they're all so nervous before an away mission?

Nodrog

No pulse and he's lost a lot of blood, torso, head, and most of his arms and legs. I think we might have to list him as 'in criticial condition'

Llachau

McCourduroy to transploder chief: Very funny, send down the rest of him.

Llachau

He's ruined a perfectly good set! Do you know how hard it is to get blood off paper meche?

wutzke

Let's put it this way, it's a good thing we make em pay for their uniforms in advance.

Ruud

i'm picking up his pulse, 5 miles west of here

smapt47

He decided to change his name to Ensign Explodable.

Marauder Mo

I'd say someone had one too many beans in the mess hall before we left!

Shawn McNiel

McCourdaroy to Enterforaprise, One and a half to beam up to sickbay.

jdwiseman

Mild bruising, I think.

Madred

Highly disordered!

jdwiseman

I can't figure it out...All he did was stub his toe!

Mad Dog

Get me some duct tape and used chewing gum, STAT!

Marauder Mo

Oh he's doing fine...for a person who's head and torso have just exploded!

Mat Robitaille

I'm a doctor not a chef, he looks like a can of tomato soup!

Nodrog

He's only MOSTLY dead, Jim.

Haathi

I think it's safe to say he won't be in the next episode.

Haathi

Pardon me while I depart from scientific diagnostics and just say "Ewwwwwwww..."

Keith Dalton

He seems shorter

Madred

A little bit desoriented!

Scotty

To put it mildly, he'lll have one hell of a headache when he wakes up

Scotty

I'm not detecting a pulse, or a head, or a heart for that matter.....

Scotty

Oh he's fine, nothing a glass of warm milk and a good night's sleep won't fix

Dave G

He's here and there, Gym

Michael Shaw

Which bit?

makkie

Oh my, I`ve suddenly got an intense feeling of deja vu

Rhett

I TOLD you to throw out your old ensignes before they expired...

Rhett

Fine; he set a new screen-time record.

Madred

Is our mission to explode strange new ensigns?

24/7

You go ahead, Gym, I'll ketchup later!

Wendee Rae

His red shirt should hide the stain.

24/7

Dammit, Gym, these new Ensigns go to pieces under pressure!

Cordavin Lon

He's in more pieces than your shirt is after an action sequence!

Cordavin Lon

He's missing a body - just like our storyline.

arty5

I thought you said we could'nt afford the rock monster

Andrew Lipsett

He'd make an excellent souffle at this point.

valerie p.

This is another fine mess you've gotten him into

valerie p.

Told you he'd go a long way, Gym

Avenger CO

I'd say he doesn't feel a thing right now.

Potswilly

He's suffering from separation anxiety!

Tristan

Well,Gym, you know the saying;ensign come,ensign go.

Joey T

I believe he is dead Jim, but I can't tell from this readings. We will need to take whats left of his body to the Enterprise for more detailed analysis.

Logicwolf

You tell me. You've got bits of him all over your torn uniform.

Logicwolf

Not good. Thats the first time I've seen an ensign spontaniously combust upon landing.

Logicwolf

Soft and squishy as far as I can tell.

Jeff

He would have been fine if the transploder hadn't been set to puree.

Gregory Griffiths

Well, does "Some assembly required" mean anything to you?

Jason L.

You put on a red shirt and ask me again sometime!

Obi Jok Kenobi

Expendable? Don't you mean Expanded-until-Exploded?

carDASSian

He is going to be sore for the next few days...

just

In laymans words: Dead as a Dodo.

just

Like your shirt...R.I.Pped

just

Done

Jason Krellman

"Fully expended, Captain!"

Naraht

well, he's you know...Damnit Gym! you've already torn your shirt?

Kyle

Well, that red stuff isn't from his shirt!

Eric

I need a spatula, not a tricorder, damn it!

Rousell

Gym...he's as dead as the rodent on your head.

Raven

He'll be back next week.

CmdrChang

Darnit Gym! I'm a doctor, not a jigsaw puzzler!

Lia the Mighty

Dammit Gym, loosen your toupee.

Amos Painter

I'm a doctor, not a dustbuster.

T'Rowa

Oh, great, now I've gotta test you for blindness too.

T'Rowa

I never saw a rock do that before...

hogi

He expanded too much!

hoppy

Apart from a bad case of being dead, he's alright !!!

Madred

Spook says, he will need five days to draw a line round him!

James Martin

Dammit, Gym he's dead! I'm a doctor not an idiot.

Madred

Gym, promise me: never wear a red shirt!

Andrew Lipsett

Either he's dead or he's got one heck of a headache!

Madred

For a detailed analysis, we have to wait for his body to fall down!

The Empathic One

Expanded, Gym, enough to cover the floor. . .

Madred

At this rate, Sev Fleet dies out in a few years!

The Empathic One

Don't you mean Ensign Expended?

Mark

He with all of the other away team ensigns.

Mark

Even 23rd century medicine cannot save a red shirt!

Yankee Kiwi

Damnit, Gym! You know I hate making snap judgements!

Cmdr. Solomon

He was an Ensign. He was in a red shirt. He was NOT on the credits. Should I go on or can you do the math?

Jean-Pierre Sirois

For the logs, lets call it "Not much left of him for promotion"

Yankee Kiwi

Well. he won't be doing many more toupee jokes if that answers your question.

Jean-Pierre Sirois

There is some left of him for the next mission

Jean-Pierre Sirois

Like they say sir : Red Shirt, Red End

Puke

Dammit Gym, I'm a doctor not a mop!

Cap'n Russ

He should be back on duty in two days.

Cap'n Russ

Dammit Gym, I'm a doctor, not a burger flipper!

Agent-D

He's a stain on the ground, Gym, do I have to spell it out to you?

Raptor1

How should I know? I'm a doctor, not a medium.

Qui-Gone Gin

He's resting... in pieces!

andy

We'll have him beamed to the canteen at once

Miss Holly

I'm a doctor, not a fragmentist!

Miss Holly

Well, from the dispersal pattern of the blood, I'd say not good.

Miss Holly

He's beside himself.

James L. Terman

I told you to only bother me with unusual cases.

James L. Terman

The usual. You're shirt is ripped, his body is ripped apart.

Llachau

Damnit, Gym, he's still a better actor than you!

Llachau

He's boldly gone where every redshirt has gone before!

Lyra

Same as Ensign Deadmeat

James L. Terman

He's come apart at the seams

sess-pity

Better question: what are we gonna do when we run out of ensigns?

The Crazy Zonie

I don't see a point in doing an autopsy, do you?

Mouse - Jefferies tube 32

Now, that's what I call flatulence!

Mouse - Jefferies tube 32

At least his sinusitis has cleared up!

Bones's Grrrl

Just concentrate on ripping your shirt off and let me do my job!

jdwiseman

I'm a doctor, not a spatula!

Nathan

If I find him, I'll let you know

Shlamko

One less to beam up.

Lord Fledrinnian

A quick shot from a sray bottle and a wave of a block of metal and he'll be as good as new.

Lord Fledrinnian

Give me a sponge, and I'll take him back to the ship for analysis.

Riff

I won't lie to you. It doesn't look good.

Lord Fledrinnian

His condition is stable!

Thinggumy Jig

Well, remember why we started using RED shirts sir, so the blood won't show, didn't work!

Flagg

Is your eyesight receding with your hairline?

Rik

"Where." The question is "Where", Gym!

John Lang

I'll have to piece things together first.

John Lang

He's been "Roddenberryed",Gym

John Lang

What part of "dead" don't you understand?

Rik

Dammit Gym, I'm a doctor. Not a Picasso expert!

Rik

On his mission: away!

Haathi

I'd give him CPR, but I can't find his chest.

Haathi

Thanks to him, we just lost our PG rating!

Haathi

I don't know about him, but I'm feeling a little nauseous.

John Zieman

Damnit, gym - I'm a doctor, not a priest!

anamarylee

He's better looking than last night's dinner

anamarylee

Ensign: The other red meat!

Tracey

Dammit, Gym! I'm a doctor, not an art critic.

AndieX

I've managed to stop the bleeding...

MindMelda

Flatter than your stomach!

ALW

Beaming down on top of a landmine. What are the odds!

ALW

Hmmm... let me see... severe trauma to the nervous system... multiple bone fragmentations... complete loss of bodily fluids, organs, senses.... hmmm.... I'm not sure, but it is possible that this man is dead.

Derek

It doesn't take 6 years of med school to know he ain't coming back.

MindMelda

You can't take these ensigns anywhere, they just fall apart!

Spiner

The same as you if you'd eaten a grenadeberry!

Spiner

I don't think he's going to make it.

Marauder Mo

Rearrange these words: Gym, dead, he's!

ALW

Well... let's just say that he gives a new meaning to the word 'red' shirt.

Spiner

What say we evacuate Explodania IV... now!

ScottE Bemeup

I think I've spotted the problem.

ScottE Bemeup

Let's just say he's left his mark on this world.

Francis Miranda

Dammit Jim! I'm a doctor. Not a sewing machine.

Francis Miranda

When i'm done with him we can rename him Ensign Frankenstein.

Francis Miranda

Going to need more stitches than your shirt.

MindMelda

In my professional opinion, he's roadkill!

Quip

Dammit Gym, I'm a DOCTOR not a MEDIUM!

E-Nice

Darnit Gym, I told you not to sing. It causes the crew to spontaneously combust.

Pearl

hmm...OK!Let me see...broken legs, broken arms, collar-bone is contused, nose doesn't excist any more, left eye missed, right eye behind the rock in front of you,... .

Jen the jumping quean II

In the same condition as your shirt is! To shreds!

Christopher

He's a jigsaw puzzle missing half the pieces

Christopher

WAS, Gym, WAS -- dammit I'm a doctor, not a grammar coach!

Christopher

Without a mop, I've done all I can do here.

Christopher

Looks terminal to me, Gym

Ray

Exactly how anyone else would be if they were crushed by a giant foam rock.

Christopher

Find his head and ask him, why doncha?

Christopher

Do I look like I can channel the dead?

Christopher

Toss a few seeds and he'll be pushing up daisies any minute

Christopher

I'm a doctor, not a janitor!

Joseph

I need to get him to sickbay. Quick, get the wet-dry vac.

Christopher

Get me a bucket and a mop and I'll have a better idea

Paul

I don't know, my tricorder doesn't pick him up

Joseph

He's fine. Ensign Explodable, on the other hand...

Haathi

Well and truly expended.

Haathi

According to the "splat" pattern readings I'd say he's not too healthy.

5618 (David)

He's Ensign Expendabled, Gym.

gunnar

He boldly went, where so many ensigns have gone before!

Haathi

Better dead than red.

Haathi

He's red, inside and out.

Haathi

Messy.

Lordy

Gee Gym, let me think about that one..

AndieX

He'd better pull himself together.

Charles C

I think he's gone to pieces, sir.

Corsair

Let's just say He's contributing to the eco-system.

Mouse - Jefferies tube 32

All over the place as usual

Mouse - Jefferies tube32

I've no idea - I can't find him!

Mouse - Jefferies tube 32

You haven't given me much to go on!

Mouse - Jefferies tube 32

I'm a doctor not a jigsaw champion

The Great Wizzard

Your girdle must cut off your brain's blood supply.

The Great Wizzard

When we've beamed back, I insist on repeating your last eye examination.

Siriusly not

Time to state the obvious.....

Siriusly not

He needs the 3 x's ...... x-ray, excemption and x-tra large duck tape

gunnar

No idea. I´m still looking for some part to check the pulse.

Siriusly not

He died how he lived.... red

Siriusly not

Once i've super glued him together he should still be dead

Cameron Mason

Dead as a Red

Quark B

He's dead Jim but not as we know it

Morgan

Doing fine, but the red paint's not gonna make it.

Kevin

Next time YOU walk up to the alien and say "we come in peace"!

Kevin

Apart from being splattered all over a cardboard planet, he's pretty much OK...

Roget

He LOOKS liquefied, but he may just be pulverized...

The Great Wizzard

He was one of the best - he survived 15 minutes after beam down.

Roget

This thing in my hand says he's dead. Let me run some more tests...

Roget

I'll tell you when I find him!

Petzi

I can't find enough of him to tell you, Gym!

The Great Wizzard

Is it necessary to ask? I've already used both my trademark-catchphrases in this episode!

Petzi

Guess, Gym!

Petzi

No, I won't say it!

gD

Next time, give 'em a yellow shirt if you don't want them to die.

Joona Palaste

Dammit Gym, I'm a doctor, not a taxidermist!

little green woman

I always tell you: Don't take redshirts to away missions! let them at least wear a yellow shirt! But do you listen? No!

little green woman

He's a redshirt! Figure it out yourself!

neil owen

Thats the last time you rip your shirt in front of a young vulnerable ensign

The Great Wizzard

Shall I only stick to the parts which are in visual range?

Sam

Well, THIS part is a little mangeled...

Johnny Cool

Expended

The Great Wizzard

We should insist on firing that writer who always let's us state the blindingly obvious.

Norwegian Bajoran

He's everywhere, Gym!

9 of 9 235

Expendable Expired

The Great Wizzard

Remind me to give you glasses on some birthday.

Elim

How should I know - you left almost nothing for me!

9 of 9 235

Expired

The Great Wizzard

Same ol', same ol' ...

Elim

Not so good - they got him right in the bull's eye.

Elim

Too much fat - you know what that does to my stomech!

Elim

If we keep this up, I may have to go on ensign-free diet.

Elim

Almost gone, and I've got dibs on that leg!

Elim

Mmmm... Tasty!!!

JC

He's red, Gym!

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