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This week's idea was suggested on the Ideas Board by x-tribble.
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

Beta's bizarre lifeform song. This is one of those weird moments from Sev Trek 7: Degenerations where Beta's emotion chip was malfunctioning (not the only thing that was malfunctioning in that scene, I think). Perhaps the writers were practising for the even more surreal Gilbert and Sullivan singing scene in Sev Trek 9: Indigestion. Or maybe it was just the obligatory goofy musical number that has seemed to curse the last couple of odd numbered movies ("row your boat" ring any bells?)


Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by Mike Wille. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the competitions.


Cordavin Lon

Other than doing 200-words-per-minute, what DOES he do around here?

Siriusly not

Counselor... you get him to stop.... you can fly the ship.

Qe'van

I wouldn't complain if he could carry a tune.

sherlei_99

I'm telling everyone where your "off" switch is.

Maccy

Are they as tiny as the line between emotion and insanity

DeuceV

I wondered what they meant by "curse of the odd numbered trek's"

DeuceV

Forager gets 10 of 10, and we get android loyd weber

Mr. Shadow

I wish I could remember how to deactivate the tone-deaf setting.

Mark Underhill

And I thought his comedy routine was bad...

Svenneaut

Computer, end Beta!

Cordavin Lon

I foretell your death in the near and Frakes-directed future.

THE LITTLE RED CABOOSE BEHIND THE TRAIN CHUG CHUG...

Justifiable adroidicide I'll plead....

Cap'n Russ

Man, and I thought Measley was too perky!

Ah'maynda

Beta, stick to the poetry.

Polgara

Beta! Jam a console in it!

kit

Gaudy musn't have screwed Beta's head on properly after his last diagnostic!

T'Mar

Beta, the holodeck is for singing, the bridge for scanning.

Quip

You're right Counselor, he IS more annoying than you!

MindMelda

Why is it that everyone on Sev Trek thinks they can sing?

Raven

Deanna, I order you to crash the ship.

Prometheus

Beta, you're emotion chip is stuck in IDIOT mode.

EnsignKnlwtchr @aol.com

That song again? Dont you know chopsticks or something?

1of69

Fourhundred and seventysix trillion operations per nanosecond and this is all he does with it?

Czarna

Call the doctor; my ears are bleeding.

Kimpire

You know, I'm surprised the viewscreen hasn't shattered...

Martin Knudsen

When was his last checkup

the girl from ipanema

Now I know why Pickhard offered himself as a hostage!

dettus

Gaudi! Replace that emotional chip with a SOUND CARD

Roget

I know where'd I'l like to put some tiny little lifeforms.

gD

Data, I specifically requested something romantic to enhance the counselor's mood.

anya

When was the last time Beta had a battery change?

Raistlin

I should of worked harder in court to prove that he was NOT sentient

Sam Fergusson

Beta, deactivate "Overly-Cheery" mode would you?

Unka Woofie

Well... he's better than Shatner.

LtJg Hejira Hayes

And I thought I was lucky turning down Forager...

Jodocus

Good thing that console doesn't really control anything!

Captain Leita Chandra T'Por

The day he can sing is the day I shave my beard off ...

Captain Leita Chandra T'Por

Someone needs to deactivate his crooning chip!

Stevo

Set the phizzers to "vaporize" counselor!

MindMelda's daughter Sarah

Beta's got a great future writing songs for Teletubbies.

Potswilly

Beta, please delete your "goofy" subroutine.

Potswilly

One small song for an android, one giant irritation for a man!

ajm

Whoever installed the kareoke on that console is gonna PAY!

J.B.

Beta, you'd better watch out. Doyawanna is threatening to take the helm.

Republik

Computer, arm exploding console!

starpony

Makes me just want to rip out his vocal subprocessors!

Griffin

Must restrain... urge...to use...phaser!

olv

Are you taking requests?

Gregory Griffiths

Barf isn't the only crewmember feeling agressive tendancies!

Q

He does a mean duet with the replicator.

Q

I think Beta has a screw loose.

Raptor1

Mr. Barf. Extreme violence sanctioned.

Raptor1

Where does Mr. Barf keep his Bat'leth?

Jarok

I knew the vaudeville chip was a mistake

E-Nice

At least it isn't as bad as having the Jurassic Trek cast singing Row, row your boat.

Doreen Jaynes

Great and he's not under warranty any more.

Petréa Mitchell

What I wouldn't give for some decent light opera right about now...

TJD

Thank goodness the Dancing Doctor isn't here!

TJD

They can call anything music these days...

S

As long as the hand puppets don't come out I'm fine with it

S

You distract him and I'll flip the switch.

S

And he brought out an album!!

Kristina

I think we've found a weapon against the Bored.

Cyber-Garfield

Counselor, are you sure we looked everywhere for Beta's remote?

Cmdr. Solomon

You know something Beta: Measly NEVER sang, but we got rid of him.

sess-pity

I bet Gaudy regrets he's blind and not deaf.

Murdoc

I'm leaving for a minute to throw up. Don't crash the ship Commander.

sess-pity

24th century, and they stil can't write a good song.

sess-pity

Houston, we've got a problem.

sess-pity

We really should get that fixed.

Nodrog

Doyouwanna, get the can opener. We're going in.

Robert Underwood

I don't think it was wise to give him that creativity subroutine.

Bill Harris

When exactly did this become "Sev Trek: The Musical"?

the girl from ipanema

Bridge to Engineering, how's it going with Beta's mute button?

Lady Firebird

Now that we have the emotion chip, can we PLEASE develop an "in-tune" chip?

Michael Kraft

If he starts singing "Rocketman" he dies.

Victor Villarreal

I'll kick his tiny little liforms, if doen't stop

Scotty

That was good, now sing 'it's a small world after all'

Scotty

Thank God Pickard isn't here, we would've had a duet

Scotty

I see Beta met our new crewmembers, Ensigns Gilbert and Sullivan

Polson

Face it Beta...disco is dead.

Llachau

Ensign Bar Bar Jinx would be less annoying!

Llachau

The Bored Queen can have him if she wants him.

Llachau

Beta, I think I hear your motherboard calling.

Llachau

Beta, confine yourself to jazz while I have the conn.

Llachau

I knew we'd regret reattaching his head.

Llachau

Please tell me that's really Lore, and we can just shoot him.

Strike Falcon

Any more out of you, mister, and I'm crashing this ship into the ground, and I mean it!

Llachau

Anybody have a magnet?

Livid

I passed up how many captain's chairs for this?

The Great Wizzard

I knew I should've accepted my promotion!

Tom Hyde

Mr. Beta concentrate on flying this ship before you crash into a planet or something.

Scotty

Throwing Heavily in the water is one thing, but this is crossing the line!

Jdla

If anyone asks him to sing show tunes, I'm throwing that person in the brig!

The Traveler

If we had a higher budget, we could higher some real musicians.

The Traveler

Gaudy, report to the bridge. . . with a phasor rifle!

Paul Inglis

The lips are moving, the emotion chip is functioning, but the positronic net stopped working long ago...

The Traveler

What's next? Swearing?

Mate

They'll be changes when 'I' become captain.

James

Oh sure ... when he does it, its cute. When I do it, you call ME weird.

James

At least it isn't the Macarena.

D. Lerious

Bridge to Sickbay, Data is doing a Hal on us!!

Joanna

If I hear that one more time, MY emotion chip will malfunction, too!

4 of 5

Beta, Stop flirting with the console....

urseus

You should see how much he rakes in for kids parties..

Cordavin Lon

Let's see..... I could have the Borg get him... or get hit by a Son'a disruptor weapon.... I'm gonna LOVE being a director!

arty

Hey,Mr. jukebox. i want my quarter back

Cordavin Lon

I'm gonna let the Borg get you in the next movie!

Ben J

First he wanted to be a typical human, now he wants to be the Village Idiot!

Philip Kerselaers

Beta, when you're finished, reactivate lifesupport.

Philip Kerselaers

I'm beginning to like his brother better

Philip Kerselaers

That's the last time we use HIM as comic relief.

Philip Kerselaers

-pondering- You know, he TAUGHT me how to detach his head once...

Philip Kerselaers

That little composition of his just lowered our shields...

Cmdr. Solomon

*sigh* Computer, Activate Emergency Hollowgraphic Singing Instructor.

Cmdr. Solomon

Beta, Don't make me phaser you.

Cmdr. Solomon

Beta, that is NOT a piano, and this is NOT a musical.

Cmdr. Solomon

If Measly shows up, I AM OUTTA HERE!

JM

Can you at least turn off the "Rhumba beat"?

JM

Stick to the violin Sherlock

JM

At least Joysticks don't beep...

Marby

For this I took command?

Philip Kerselaers

Let him experience, you said. It'll be good for all of us, you said...

Philip Kerselaers

An attack would be nice right now...

Philip Kerselaers

He's giving the Klingoffs an excuse to fire at us, you know...

samfergusson

Doyawanna, do you sense a Sesame Street guest spot?

samfergusson

Geordi! That damn Broadway virus is in Beta AGAIN!!

Paul Pytlik

I don't care, I'm not singing backup

RainStrom

Okay, who taught him to play Musical Consoles?

Air CB

I'd demote him to ensign, but his fan club is too large to lose.

RainStrom

Yep, that confirms it. The writers have gone insane.

Mike Wille

Time for a tune-up!

Raptor1

At least it wasen't Gilbert and Sullivan.

Sevanonymous

Next thing you know, he'll be swearing...

Sevanonymous

This is going to make one very strange log entry.

NateDog00

Piker to Engineering: One to beam... ANYWHERE.

BigLifeform

This little life form knows where your switch off button is...

D. Lerious

It seems like we have a console virtuoso in our mist.

Bronny

If only I could reach his mute button

jdwiseman

Oh, if I were the director, this would NEVER happen.

jdwiseman

I've got a bad feeling this won't be the last time they use his singing as a joke.

Piper (whos getting annoyed because all my strip sudjestions were ignored)

Not bad, but I hear he does a great Gilbert & Sullivan

TiZ

The amazing console: runs Sevships, destroys ensigns, and accompanies bad singing!

Anti-Cornflake Girl

Doyawanna, hurry up and crash this ship before I do!

hogi

I liked it more, when he pushed Cruncher into water!

Anti-Cornflake Girl

This is the last time we buy emotion chips from KMart!


Is it to late to get Lore back

V. Equinox

The one time we need the console to explode...

Dacron

"Security, prepare to remove one soon-to-be-lifeless form from the bridge!"

Yankee Kiwi

It's a helm console, Beta, not a bloody Karoake machine!

Yankee Kiwi

His fingers may be on the keys, but his voice is definitely off-key!

The Crazy Zonie

Piker to Tranploder Room: Beam one lounge act outside.

Lieutenant Eurique

*Growls* How does singing it in open space sound to you, Mister Beta?

[FOX]Snake

That Y2k bug is 500 years late!

D. Spieles

Show tunes? Jeez, you thing you really know a guy...

The Crazy Zonie

I'm sorry I introduced him to Rogers and Hammerstein.

Leszek

If he can sing then I want a joystick.

Kalahari Karl

I see Barf needs to make another person a soprano!

Livid

And you people complained about my trombone!

FD

I wish he wouldn't practice for the variety show on the bridge!

valerie parv

Security, breathaliser to the bridge

Nobody

A billion instructions a second and he can't get the right key?

Raven

I didn't know they approved the Sound of Music crossover!

Amanda

Was that an emotion chip or a comic relief chip?

Raven

Music and sci-fi don't mix.

Sweeney Todd

I think I preferred "Ode To Spot"

Sweeney Todd

I hope this scene only makes the director's cut.

Raven

Computer, activate mute button.

Artimus

If he starts to dance, I'm out of here.

Emissary

Pickhard never allows me to play with the buttons

G.B.A

I can detach his head in four minutes.

Emissary

DON'T improvise if you forget your lines

+PsychoPat+

And I thought Measly was anoying!

CatsPaw

Luckily I happen to like techno music.

CatsPaw

Oh well, he's still better than Michael Bolton

+PsychoPat+

Regurge report to the bridge... he popped a diode again.

Ian Freely

Beta sings? What's next, a counsellor at the helm?

Ian Freely

Beta, I told you to scan for lifeforms. Not to sing for them!

Lily

I don't think we're going to let Data become human after all.

Quantum

Maybe we can still get Lore back

Hanover Fisk

Transporter Room, one to beam....out.

Hanover Fisk

No-one thought it was cute when I did it.

ScottE Bemeup

Bad jokes, we fell back. Dopey pets, we fell back. The plot line must be drawn here.

ScottE Bemeup

Bridge to Engineering, detonate console alpha-prime.

NovaFlash (DUM)

When did he learn to play console?

ScottE Bemeup

Computer, establish audio damping field at station 1.

ScottE Bemeup

I've always hated those cute little system sounds.

ScottE Bemeup

Remind me to yank his Midi chip when this is over.

Theodore Moser

Hail the Klingoffs, tell them they can have Mr. Beta.

Polson

And me without my tuning fork.

MindMelda

If you don't stop that, I'm gonna let Tryhard wreck the ship!

MindMelda

Could I get assigned to a ship where they don't burst into song?

MindMelda

This is going to be one of those tunes that just sticks in your head, isn't it!

Mason Moessmer

If he doesn't stop, there'll be one LESS lifeform on this ship!

Derek

Casualty reports coming in from all over the ship!

Derek

I could live with the song, but he just deactivated life support!

MindMelda

Next thing you know we'll all be doing the Macarena!

Commander

Time to play exploding console musical chairs.

Shawn McNiel

And to think I turned down DS9.

Shawn McNiel

It's times like this that make me wish I had accepted that promotion.

Shawn McNiel

This is what happens when you put Mac software in an IBM compatible.

Shawn McNiel

God, I almost miss Measley.

Shawn McNiel

I'm sure there's got to be a regulation against this.

The Great Wizzard

Stop it, Beta, our shields are already failing!

Shawn McNiel

Fully functional my butt. More like fully malfunctional.

Shawn McNiel

Alright, whoever activated his Karaoke chip is on report.

Shawn McNiel

Isaac Asimov must be spinning in his grave.

evay

Beta, your father didn't have a "good taste" chip to install for you as well, did he?

evay

Now I understand why you crashed the Enterforaprize -- anything to shut him up!

evay

Gainweight gets opera and folk songs. We get cheap dinner theatre.

evay

Beta, have you been test-driving the new EMH singing subroutines again?

evay

Sorry, Data, they've already cast for the role of Bic Fountain on DS9!

NateDog00

At least it isn't Gilbert and Sullivan...

Petzi

I want to choose the next song!

joe

We really need to get him a girl friend

Nodrog

Computer, initiate emergancy android self destruct...

Tom Hyde

Makes you want to change Beta's lifeform status, doesn't it?

Nodrog

Doyowanna, get me my sledgehammer...

@lien

I think I heard this song before. On an old "CD". Maybe called "Olī Yellow Eyes is back".

Nodrog

Forget the emotion chip, Beta needs a mute switch!

ScottE Bemeup

Captains log: We'll miss Beta, but it was either him or us.

ScottE Bemeup

He's gone from fully functional to completely annoying.

The Great Wizzard

No wonder. Noonian Soong was declared insane.

the girl from ipanema

What's next? the Captain and Barf in a duet?

mgeoffrey

Someone likes his job a BIT too much...

ScottE Bemeup

Computer, mute the droid.

ScottE Bemeup

Ensign, bring me the taser.

ScottE Bemeup

Maybe in the next movie you can get an acting chip.

ScottE Bemeup

One more note and you're off to the scrap heap.

H&ri

Piker to props: Remove that Yamaha-console.

ScottE Bemeup

Byte me, Beta.

Bob Sr.

I liked him better before he was "fully functional"

John Fassbender

Great, soon he'll probably have his own CD out.

John Fassbender

One small step for androids, one huge setback for eardrums.

Dr. Jekyl

There's going to be one less lifeform around here if you don't shut up!

Qui-Gone Gin

Now I know why Pickard insisted to be in the away team this time!

Qui-Gone Gin

Deanna bring me a wavesounds dempening field modulator!

Shlamko

Where is that mute botton?

Shlamko

Let him sing, you said. Let him explore humanitym you said!

Qui-Gone Gin

VHS is evil, but at least he can sing better!

Qui-Gone Gin

Where are the Bored when you need them?

Qui-Gone Gin

I think I'll beam him to the Forager, so he can do a duet with the Doctor!

The Great Wizzard

Transploder room: one to beam to the Klingoffs!

The Great Wizzard

Mr. Barf, permission to use phizzer at highest setting granted.

Shlamko

Emotion chip works. Vocal chip... malfunctioning.

Shlamko

Counsellor, you're relieved from your job as the ship's annoyance!

Philip Kerselaers

Doyawanna, get us out of here, and damn the consequences

Philip Kerselaers

NOW I know why the captain wanted to go down there.

Philip Kerselaers

Mr. Beta, I still don't have a mute for my trombone, you know...

cerise

Oh, goody. Beta Middler.

Anti-Cornflake Girl

Strange things always happen when Gym Quirk shows up!

The Great Wizzard

Piker to Duras sisters: You still need our shield modulation frequency?

Anti-Cornflake Girl

Computer, initiate emotion chip auto destruct, authorization: Annoyed First Officer 1.

Philip Kerselaers

Stop him - crash the ship for all I care !

8 of 12

Remember how I told you to enjoy your work? I lied.

8 of 12

Forget it, Beta. Someone else can do the scan.

8 of 12

Computer: Explode conn console on my mark!

The Great Wizzard

What's next? Pickhard dancing Mambo? Barf growing zits? Tryhard shaving me in the tub? Hmm... tempting...

Kenny

I think the warranty just wore out!

Inqbus

Quit your day job Beta.

Inqbus

Beta, your singing requires more alpha testing.

The Great Wizzard

Forget the consequences, Tryhard: you'll take the helm!

The Great Wizzard

You really expect this'll save the movie?

The Great Wizzard

A "Demotion" chip would come handy now...

The Great Wizzard

Piker to Cruncher: where was Beta's "OFF"-switch again?

Johnny Cool

Dipsy will you tell TinkyWinkly that I want less LaLa and a bit more Po

Inqbus

That does it, I'm directing from now on.

Inqbus

I liked him better without a head.

Wendee Rae

And we thought Lore was evil.

Wendee Rae

Why couldn't we have kept the one with the facial tick?

Chris Hatt

Explode console! Please Explode!

Wendee Rae

And you wonder why the Klingoffs are shooting at us?

Matt McLaughlin

Beta, stick with the violin. THAT'S AN ORDER!!!

The Great Wizzard

I hope the writers come up with better ideas when I get to do the directing. I fear it'll turn out worse.

Wendee Rae

This isn't going to be on the soundtrack.

John Lang

Abandon ship!

Wendee Rae

Oh great, Heavily's doing a musical.

The Great Wizzard

It could be worse. It could be Gilbert and Sullivan.

The Smoked Kipper

I'll hold him down while you remove the emotion chip!

MindMelda

We should have never let him watch Barney, it's shorted out his neural net!

MindMelda

Piker to Sickbay: Another customer for the Enchanted Kingdom, Dr. Cruncher.

MindMelda

Piker to Sickbay: We need emergency beam out to the rubber room.

MindMelda

Well, the music in this movie has certainly "Degenerated".

D. Lerious

Mr. Data, I did not realize you could play the console.

D. Lerious

Counsellor, arrange a transport to the nearest happy farm!!

Jason Lima

Get him a piano!

Jason Lima

Red alert. Target phasers on Beta's mouth.

MindMelda

Yes, Counselor, you are detecting...nausea.

D. Lerious

Well, that's the last time I let him watch Sesame street!!

Maria Spano

Tryhard......get my trombone! If he's gonna sing.....I'm gonna play!

MindMelda

I knew I should have had his music program deleted!

MindMelda

Beta, your music chip is malfunctioning too!

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