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| Sev Trek: The Comic Strip Indigestion the Musical. Personally, I didn't mind Insurrection although several of the scenes were embarrassing to watch (I'm still wincing over that Picard mambo scene). The Gilbert and Sullivan manouvre is one of those scenes!  
| Other Punchlines |
|
| These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by Riff. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions. |  Kevin Watts
| Definitely feeling homocidal tendencies, sir! Alex
| Computer Activate Emergancy Tuning Program. genesisfire
| "Grow some hair, sir, your brain has caught cold" V. Moldafsky
| Barf sing, you barf. Kai Miller
| We Klinoffs only sing in 3 keys, off, bad and flat. Ever hear Klinoff Oprea? Brett
| Not for all the prune juice on the Enterforaprize Lyra
| When you dance the mambo, when Piker shaves, when the ship is flown by a joystick, when we see aliens who are obsessed with plastic surgery, only then will I sing... wait... I still don't want to! DS9 Diva
| Vic Fontaine, you're not. Wiesel
| Schidzo would just open fire! Griffin
| And all the ensigns say he's pretty fly for an android! Griffin
| We could just distract him with some circutry and a bikini. Griffin
| But noo, I wanted in on the Sevfleet exchange programe! L
| Barf to Data. Hear what you've done! Raptor1
| Not unless you want to become a Soprano. Sir. Raptor1
| Set phasors to Dewussify! Darth Clinton
| Mmmm-bop. Doo-wop. Bugged Out
| Hey, you promised Barbara Streisand tunes! Quantum
| Captain, I believe the audience has cringed enough for one movie Quantum
| Captain, they've lengthened some FX shots. We don't have to fill time anymore Tim Fain
| Don't ruffle my ridges! Raven
| I am the very model of a modern Klingoff Warr-i-or... valerie parv
| The hulls are alive with the sound of music FD
| Why can't we just use the phasers for once? FD
| Sevfleet's trying to save phizzer power again, hmm? Brian Sanford
| THIS is your plan b? Derek
| Mr. Beta, save yourself! James
| Would I be written out of the script if I killed you right now? Antony
| What they'll do to sell a soundtrack Kyle Bair
| Klingoffs don't sing with smooth-headers Polson
| I heard rumors that you were bad, but this...THIS could've ended the war years ago. Dringe
| Not bad, Captain, but you're no Vic Fontaine Pikachu of Borg
| And I thought it was an unprovoked attack! gill
| Where is your honour captain Megan Dax
| Computer, eject Pickhard on my mark! merv the swerve
| I hear you have been taking singing lessons from Bill Shatner. Roget
| Do I really want to huuurt you? Commando
| Your singing sends a shiver down my spine, oh why did i ever leave deep space nine TSN
| HAHAHAHAHAhahaaa... My god, you're serious... Kris
| Where's that mute button? Lyra
| Must I remind you sir, that we are here to disable *Beta*. Jake Anfinson
| I went through 30 years at starfleet academy for this? neilinoz
| (Singing) Ashes to Ashes, visor for Geordie, we know Captain Pickard's a baldy Alejandro Lee
| I am the very model of a Starfeet Klingoff Officer, I've often blasted animals, vegtables when I'm bored, I know the clone of Kahless, I quote fights historical, from Khitomher to Cowboy Betas in order of most volatile... Andrew Perry
| Maybe I should have gone with Mr Beta. S
| Do I look like a choir boy to you sir? Jazz
| Whew! You could use a tic-tac! L
| Now I know why all shuttles you pilot crash. Christina "Saavik" Tilman
| Please, you'll make me lose my Gag! Brian
| I am a warrior, not a warbler! JT
| I thought we wanted to catch Beta, not scare him away. Michael Kraft
| When will the hurting stop??? Graeme
| The Trills are alive with the Sound of Music! TSN
| This Gilbert and Sullivan are horrible! Let's sing some Kortrel and M'Recht! Cordavin Lon
| Not by the bumps on my skinny-skin-skin. Cordavin - Sound of Music - Lon
| How do you solve a problem like the android... Cordavin Lon
| Definitely NOT feeling melodic tendencies. Cordavin Lon
| Next time we go back in time, remind me to kill Gilbert and Sullivan. Q
| Been hitting the Earl-Grey a little hard today, havent we Pickhard? Q
| There isnt enough bloodwine in the galaxy sir! Q
| I though we were trying to convince Beta NOT to kill us. MPC
| (sing) You should be so lucky lucky lucky Quip
| Just think.. ONE quick snap... Quip
| Khlueless would NOT be pleased! K'Bahr
| Warriors do not sing show tunes Lantern
| And they wonder why the profits were down from Sev Trek 8.... Sjerrie
| Klingons do NOT sing merry melodies! D. Lerious
| singing- " I'm a sevtrek guy, in a sevtrek world, lots of plotholes, and bald captains...." 1of69
| Aren't we suppose to try to calm Beta down? Not make him homocidal?! 1of69
| It's Starfleet Academy choir all over again jdwiseman
| Please sir. This will make my skin break out. Frederick Rombouts
| No thanks! I'd rather kiss Beta's inflatable butt first. gill
| Computer. Delete Pickhard. Llachau
| To think I'm missing a good war for this. Relisys
| It could only happen in the movie Nodrog
| Sir, not even Beta deserves that. Nodrog
| I told Regurge that installing a kareoke machine in the shuttle craft was a bad idea. Mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| OK......but let's jazz it up a bit! JPF
| Career advancement is not worth THIS. Mouse - jeffereis tube 32
| Youreally think this will improve the ratings? Mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Piker gets to sit in a bath with Tryhard...and look what I get!!! Mate
| ...prepare for ramming speed! Mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| I can hear a chorus of disapproval already!! Mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| #....On the Good Sevship Lollipop......... Mouse - Jefferies tube 32
| Why don't consoles explode when you want them too!!! bambi
| I don't do requests !!!! Mouse - jefferies tube 32
| The sooner I get back to Deep Sev 9 the better!! Mouse - jeffries tube 32
| Barf to Enterforaprize........Sanity breach on deck 1!!! D. Lerious
| What'd you say? I can't hear you over all that booing. John Lang
| I'd rather sing with William Shatner! Jono
| Next thing you know I'll be getting pimples! Christopher Michael
| If you do anything from "Cats," I'm beaming you out! Christopher Michael
| Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale/ a tale of a fateful trip that started in the Briar Patch/ aboard this dismal ship/ The mate was a joystick-touting man,/ the captain bald and quick,/ The X-Gen crew warped in that day/ for a two hour flick, a two hour flick./ The story started getting rough,/ The plot could have been better./ If not for the relief of the comic scenes, we'd be down another letter, down another letter./ The crew beamed down to the surface of this pastoral battleground,/ With the director, and Pickhard too, the Clingon, and his Ex, the comic 'droid, the blind engineer, Doctor Cruncher, here in Star Trek: Indigestion! Norwegian Bajoran
| People are strange when your'e a Klingoff... Harry Hazeel
| So that's your plan, to drive Beta insane. D. Lerious
| " Barf to the enforprise, get me the next transport to the nearest sevfleet happy farm!!!" Erik Hollender
| Barf to Piker - we should mutiny now! D. Lerious( done to tune of ain't no mountain high enough by marvin gaye)
| ( singing) " .....Ain't no distance faar enough, to keep me away from your voice.." Spiner
| You really wanna soar? There's a handy window over here... Tel
| Captain, did you accidently sit on Beta's personality chip again ? Spiner
| Barf to Enterforaprize: One for emergency beam out! Kris
| A singing bald man? Am I on the right Trek? Kris
| I'm not this desperate for a job. I still have a series. Kris
| This is grounds for justifiable homicide. Kris
| I'm going to join Beta now... Kris
| This is supposed to be the nonmusical Trek. Kris
| You really want to get to back to Broadway, don't you? Lyra
| "Can you tell me how to get-- how to get to sesame street?" Cmdr. Solomon
| I really really should have killed in you in Forced Contact SIR! Cmdr. Solomon
| Computer, End Movie. OH DARN! chris
| "Barf-street's back, all right!" Cmdr. Solomon
| Sorry, I only sing along to the 20th century Earth show, The Smurfs. Fa La la la la, Fa la la la. §evqui§
| That's it, I'm going to kill you where you stand! D. Lerious
| " I'm too sexy for this yacht, too sexy for this yacht, now you can go rot!!" Air Monkey
| Not for all the bloodwine on Qo'NoS. D. Lerious
| singing " You lack rythum, you lack to-one. You gotta bad voice. Who could ask for anything more?" Yankee Kiwi
| Try singing tenor Captain, as in "Ten-or" twenty miles away from me! Yankee Kiwi
| Why don't you sing solo, Captain? As in "so - lo", that I can't hear you! Wendon Pettey
| What do I look like...a rotund Viking woman in a brass brazier? redshirt ensign noname
| for that tin can? D. Lerious
| singing "She's a very kicky, girl, the kind you don't take home to mother......." Angry Klingoff in a Dress
| His nose should bleed, and his lip should tear, his cheeks should bruise, and his brow should cave, his bosom should heave and his heart should stop, as my fist hits you my dear En Route with a knock-down blow! Agent-D
| Hasn't Beta suffered enough? Darth Binks
| Barf to bridge, beam Piccard directly to sick bay! Agent-D
| Not unless I get to have a bouncey ball show me the lyrics D. Lerious
| alright-- "... We're gonna party like its 2999" James L. Terman
| The last time I did, it caused a warp core breach. James L. Terman
| Gilbert and Sullivan are without honor! dfgdfgdfg
| Preparing a duet album with Ol' Yellow Eyes, sir? T'Rowa
| Even Beta isn't worth this. T'Rowa
| And reveal to the crew that I am actually a soprano? Never. T'Rowa
| Fine, but don't ask me to dance. T'Rowa
| "Do re mi." There, are you happy now? T'Rowa
| Sir, don't make me hurt you. T'Rowa
| Heeeeey, Macarena! T'Rowa
| Ahem. "Mi mi mi mi." Thank you. FD
| You have GOT to be kidding me. Bob Clemmons
| Aren't you taking this "Captain's yacht" thing a little too seriously? Bob Clemmons
| What is this? The shuttlecraft Karaoke? Bob Clemmons
| 1001 captains, and I end up with Mitch Miller... Bob Clemmons
| Oh yes. Pick a song we all know.... Bob Clemmons
| Just in case this is a weird holographic program, "Computer, end program." Bob Clemmons
| Your agent is definitely better than mine. Drunken El-Aurian
| This'll definitely guarantee no more X-Generation movies! Admiral Maggie
| You are my sunshine! My only sunshine! You make me happy when androids go astray! Admiral Maggie McCoy
| And I thought Piker's Joystick maneuver was bad enough... RainStrom
| The first science fiction musical. RedRum
| This is really making my acne flare up! RedRum
| First Quirk, then the Hollow Doc, and now you! When are you baldies going to learn you lost your singing abilities along with your hair?! RedRum
| I dare say it's better than "Mr. Tambourine Man"! RedRum
| What is with Sev Trek's preoccupation with bald men who think they can sing? RedRum
| Next you'll be doing duets with Ten out of Ten RedRum
| I absolutely refuse to serenade an android! RedRum
| Don't give up your day job, Captain! RedRum
| It's moments like these I know I should've stayed on Deep Sev Nine! RedRum
| When the fightin' day is done, oh Klingoffs just wanna have fu-un! The Empathic One
| Would you like that "energetic fist" in YOUR face? The Empathic One
| YOU sing, I'LL go ready the docking clamps. The Empathic One
| I think I'll sit this one out, Captian... The Empathic One
| Bouncing balls nauseate me, Captain. +PsychoPat+
| When Grethor freezes over sir. Danny
| And you said klingon opera is bad Relisys
| They never make me sing on Deep Sev 9 J Racer
| What, and make this movie worse than it already is?! Flashdancer
| What do you want to reach? Short out Beta´s accustic ports? JDSandara
| Remind me again why I came back for this movie. mad weasel
| Computer, activate audio-dampening field! Mad Weasel
| Now look what you did! "Hull breach imminent" Mad Weasel
| Right now I have my foot in the perfect position to turn you into a soprano. Would you care to reconsider!? Mad Weasel
| Not while I'm still breathing, baldie! =/\= Char =/\=
| I'd rather let Data crash... CmdrChang
| I haven't had my prune juice today yet. Haathi
| Klingoffs do not do Karaoke, sir. John Lang
| (singing) Hey, Mr. Tamborine Man! John Lang
| Now you know why I went to DS9. Haathi
| How about I cause you great amounts of pain instead? Haathi
| This is not going to bring Beta back to his senses, sir. Quite the opposite. John Lang
| I prefer K'larg & K'ridya...my homeworld's top rock band. Kurt
| You missed your vocation, sir. Polson
| His lips should curl and his teeth should bite your head off it you suggest it again. Corsair
| I will, but only in the original Klingoff. Haathi
| I can hear Gilbert and Sullivan spasmodically twitching in their graves. Wolf
| Barf to Beta, ... ,give up or somebody is going to die soon! Haathi
| A Klingoff targ is a sumptuous snack... Wolf
| It's brilliant! We will burn Betas subprocessors with this carol. JT
| I think you need to see Counsellor Tryhard. ScottE Bemeup
| I'll fight for you. I'll die for you. But there ain't no way I'll sing for you. ScottE Bemeup
| Is that's an order I'm joining Beta's mutiny. ScottE Bemeup
| I'm a little teapot short and stout... Chop
| I knew a third movie was scraping the barrel... ScottE Bemeup
| What next? Mambo lessons? evay
| For this I left Deep Sev Nine? evay
| Yup, today IS a good day to die. evay
| Sorry... Jazzsinger was my WIFE. Michael Kraft
| Don't make me hurt you sir. mgeoffrey
| This is not the "3 Tenors" matrox
| Are you sure all bored technology was removed from your brain ???? Harley Cat
| Not for all the Blood Wine on Kronoff! Harley Cat
| Klingoffs do not perform Gilbert and Sullivan! Harley Cat
| If I had know this was to be a musical, I would have stayed on Deep Sev 9 FerenigBert
| Geez, I wear a pony-tail and right away I'm suppose to sing show tunes. I Protest, I'm not a merry man! ScottE Bemeup
| You distract Beta while I kill myself. ScottE Bemeup
| Barf to Cruncher. Priority 1 request for an ear-echtomy. ScottE Bemeup
| Definitely experiencing aggressive tendencies. ScottE Bemeup
| I came back for this? ScottE Bemeup
| It's a good thing Beta has a tin ear. PeteMan
| Droid problems? Just rip his arms and legs off!! PeteMan
| I'm STILL not a merry man!! Christopher
| I'd rather squeeze my pimple Christopher
| Death before dishonor, sir. The Great Wizzard
| May I suggest trying this during the next Bored invasion? The FURYous Wizzard
| (singing) I'm just a lonely guy, quaffing too much bloodwine, chanting songs that noone wants to hear... The Great Wizzard
| I suggest plan B: download WinDoze 98 into Beta. That'd be much more painless. The Great Wizzard
| They installed joysticks and we fall back. The blew up Data's butt and we fall back. Not again. The line must be drawn here! Stalemate
| all right... but if any one finds out about this, you're deadmeat! Francis Miranda
| I knew i should've let the Borg keep you! Stalemate
| A british fart is a boaring soul...(sattisfied?) Stalemate
| If you where any other man i'd kill you where you sit! Francis Miranda
| I didn't know they installed Karaoke in the LCARS system Francis Miranda
| In the Klingon homeworld, bad singing like that is tantamount to a death sentence. Francis Miranda
| That's one sure-fire way to deactivate Data. The Great Wizzard
| You need a tenor. I sing bass. The Great Wizzard
| (singing) Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away... The Great Wizzard
| (singing) What shall we do with the drunken Klingoff what shall we do with the drunken Klingoff... The Great Wizzard
| Klingoffs do NOT participate in silly scenes! Now where's that acne cream? Phrend
| So tell me what you want, what you really really want.
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