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This week's idea was AGAIN suggested many times on the Ideas Board and AGAIN first suggested by Francis Miranda (I know, I know, I could hardly believe it myself).
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

That joystick! Again one of the most suggested ideas in Sevilia is that joystick from Insurrection. Why after 7 seasons and 2 movies do they suddenly need an ancient 20th Century computer game device to steer the ship?


Other Punchlines



These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by DRB. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.



Heck no! We're a little more advanced in this Day and age! It's a movable retractable dicombobulator.

Cordavin Lon

Aren't you supposed to be in Engineering putting Ensigns out?

Graeme

It is not a joystick, it is a multi-directional transstellar navigational device!

Kevin Watts

Yeah, they're free with "Piloting the Enterprise-E" avalible on CD-ROM

Omega Factor

We hear the Borg have recently visited the Atari nebula......

Omega Factor

The ship is being reconditioned for a diplomatic session with the AtaritronsI

Me, myself, and I

It's better than a console blowing up in your face!

Felix

If a 'hypermovingextramanipulative sevshipdirectionpointer' is what you're trying to say, yes it is.

Q

Yeah! Didn't you know we had an arcade on the bridge? What do you think I do around here all day?

Q

Yeah! I'm trying to beat Pickhards record for Space Invaders.

Aubrey

One small step for Piker, one giant leap for the Sev Trek video game industry!

Emily

How did you think we steered the ship? By pressing blinking lights?

Avenger CO

I'm not bitter over losing that role in the 'Wing Comander" Movie

Dr. Bob

No, a subspace, hypersensitive, polarization-stabilized, positional-thruster control-unit. Get your techno-babble straight!

Tribbles

Call it something in technobabble and it will all make sense.

Scooter

Ya, I had this installed so I could play Pac-Man on the ship's CPU. Man, that Game will never get old!

Iva

its not a joystick, dinghead! its a" manually hand coordinated steering console for dummys!"

ALW

Starfleet is trying to promote it's new 'fun' image

ALW

They gave Measly control over the ship design

ALW

You mean this thing controls the ship? Man, I thought I was playing a video game!

Michel Chapdelaine

You should see all the games available on the computer.

8 of 12

I know. What next, switches, dials and handles in a shuttle?

Wes

I have to do SOMETHING on this ship!

Avenger CO

Don't laugh. Wait till you see my high score.

Aubrey

It sure jazzes up the Piker Maneuver!

Aubrey

Definitely feeling juvenile tendencies!

Theodore Moser

What, you thought it took a highly advanced computer to fly this ship.

deity

Do you have a better idea on how to play astroids and steer the ship at the same time?

Cmdr. Solomon

Yes, a Primitive 20th Century Device being used to control one of the MOST Advanced ships in Sev Fleet. What's you point?

Luigi Novi

Just a little phaser target practice. PULL!!

Luigi Novi

I'm trying to steer this franchise into the ground. How am I doing?

Andrew Perry

Well, which do YOU think's more fun? Flying with this or punching that old blackboard we used to have?

Quip

Not so loud, it's classified!

Luigi Novi

I don't call your VISOR a banana clip, so don't call my manual steering column a joystick!

AJE

Yes, i got tired of getting mousearm

AJE

No, im changing the gear. WIthout a wapr core we have to use our V8-engine

Darth Binks

Well, it's more efficient than the track ball you're using over there!

Darth Binks

We'd use a mouse but there's no place to put the pad.

Brighteyes

There's only so many technology advancement Starfleet can make.

Daniel

yes, with rapid fire action buttons, and suction cups on the bottom!!!!

Daniel

our budget run out okay, we had to improvise

cyKey

Yes yes, I know you tech-heads prefer the mouse...

the Panther

Yes, and only I get to tuch it!

Quip

Sure beats those paddles, eh?

Quip

You never heard of "dumbing down?"

Tim N

No, it's a device that moves in 2D that allows us to move in 3D!

cooter

I just got the sudden urge to play Pong...

Raven

This way I don't have to wear my bifocals.

Avenger CO

I'm trying to get enough points for an extra Ensign.

Jocelyn

Yes. Are you blind?!

Rug Man

"Manual Steering Column," Gaudy. Joysticks are for babies!

Lily

And I condensed all the technology it takes to fire phasers into this one little button marked "Fire"...

Lily

I'm trying to appeal to a younger audience...losing the beard was only the first step.

JP Paulus

Hey! Atari's making a comeback!

Livid

You got your eyes, I got my joystick. As soon as we find the Wizard, Pickhard gets a heart!

Livid

Haven't you ever played Sev Trek Academy?

David Warmind

Well...all those buttons were becoming a real bother.

Llachau

I'm trying to crash every Enterforaprize I can find.

Llachau

I dropped my console in the bathtub.

Llachau

C'mon, Gaudy, something in Technobabble!

Llachau

You didn't complain that we had a blind engineer for seven seasons!

just

It was installed on all Sevfleet ships after Jim Quirk first tried to steer the ship by talking to its computer.

grazum

It makes it so much easier to sell the game later.

Spiner

You were expecting maybe VR goggles and gloves?

Spiner

It's the only way to fly!

PeteMan

At least it's not an exploding console!

PeteMan

You think THIS is dumb? Wait til we use the WARP CORE as a weapon!

PeteMan

I can direct the movie and the ship at the same time!

PeteMan

I have to do something in this move besides shave!!

PeteMan

Where's the reset button on this ship?

Nodrog

Yeah... watch me make the Enter-for-a-prize do warp doughnuts.

Jan Stah

Yeah... First to 20 frags wins some prune juice.

Kurt

Time is going backwards. So is the ship.

Matt Hancock

Ever tried playing Pong with voice-recingition software?

Blind Io

Makes it easier for us "itchy trigger-finger" types.

helen

Our merchandising ploys are getting pathetically blatant

Avenger CO

I'm trying to get enough points for 'Captain.'

Lt. Brad Gentry

Let's just hope the fire button doesn't get stuck again.

Vul-canon

I need practice to beat Beta in the arcade.

Lantern

You used to be the Helmsman and you never KNEW???

Lantern

Only Ensign Expendibles can use exploding consoles

Lantern

It was either this or an exploding console.

Kevin Watts

And just in time! We were almost out of gimmicks!

Vixy

Don't worry. I've played the 'Escape from the Neula' game a million times!

Ensign Dim

Hey, those console things explode...

Dacron

You got new eyes, Beta got emotions - I had to get something!

Nintendo Guru

I had to keep it a secret from Barf.

Nintendo Guru

Remember, I served on the USS Nintendo.

Luigi Novi

Yeah, it's for this really cool game: There's a hundred Measley Crunchers on the screen, and I have to blast every one of them!

The Crazy Zonie

There's no Tactile responce with the touch screens.

The Crazy Zonie

I thought Roosevelt said, "Walk quietly and carry a big Joystick."

Michael Kraft

Hey, what happened to your funky shades?

LizFL

Marketing says the "retro" look is trendy now.

Sablesword

I prefer the term "Manual Navigation Apparatus".

Sablesword

The newest in Sevfleet's cutting edge technology.

Ilta

I won't grow up, I won't grow up...

Ilta

Consoles are so 23rd century!

PB

Microsoft wanted to sponsor the Riker Manoeuver with their new joystick

Brian

I dented the suacer section when we tried the trackball.

Tribbles

Don't tell Pickhard. This is my little secret.

Tribbles

I wanted an N64 controller, but this was the best the props department could do.

Tribbles

The writers come from an older generation.

Tribbles

You were a lot more fun when you were blind.

Tribbles

You're in charge of hitting the clutch, okay?

Tribbles

We've lost beards, years, and captains. Why not plausibility?

Tribbles

Just try and tell me this isn't sexy.

the girl from ipanema

Yes, it is. No, you can't play!

Nodrog

No, a stickshift. Watch me put this baby in reverse.

Nodrog

There's the comm station, the nagigation station, and now the playstation.

Nodrog

I got tired of all the Treknobabble.

Nodrog

They changed turbolift locations, uniforms, even your ISORE, and you're shocked when they add a joystick?

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

It's the new PC Directive!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

It means I can play Doom inbetween takes!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Only my command codes let you cheat!!

Joona Palaste

Hey, we're in Space and the Bored are Invaders. Figure it out.

Sean

Merchandising thought it would be good to cut in a reference to the video game

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

It's the only joy we'll get out this movie!!!!

joerg

Yes, finally we fond out why so many ships got lost.

joerg

No, it's just a handle. It was cheaper than seatbelts.

Roget

And it's got forced feedbag technology!

Johnny Cool

It beats using the Arrow Keys

24/7 (I'll win with this one day!)

It's to bug the purists!!!!!!!

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

Ensign Sony installed it for me!!!!

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

Do you think they're taking this gaming franchise a little to far?!!

Justin (Ironpants) Allen

If only we had these earlier we could have avoided at least four movies

John Lang

First people were asking me "why don't you take command of a sevship?" now here I am taking control and what happens? Moronic questions! I quit!

John Lang

Don't laugh..I just steered us away from another "WHY?" question!

John Lang

Yep. I got a joystick and you got the shaft.

Plain Simple

No, a new hi-tech anti-matter powered, Heisenberg-compensating, as yet uncompared to techno-talk slipstream navigation err... joystick.

John Lang

Why not? All the ships in this movie are computer generated!

Cameron Mason

Shhh. Or everyone will want to use it

Paul

Yes - uh - have you got a quarter?

Avenger CO

The counselor thought it was Freudian too.

ShaneS

Another leap foward for merchandising.

I

It's safer than a console

I

I did my pilot training at Sevfleet Arcade

KaC

Everything comes back into style some time.

KaC

Tapping is just getting old.

Mark

It beats flying the Enterforaprize by keyboard!

I

It goes with my new "director's cut"?

Mark

Odd, you've never seen it before.

Ryyn

The writers were running out of good lines so they decided to throw in some fancy props

Cmdr. Solomon

Yes, a primitive 20th century steering device aboard an advanced 24th century ship...I don't see anything wrong with that, considering this IS Sev Trek.

Trivial Psychic

See. Ship goes left... Ship goes right. Ain't it cool?

Gregory Griffiths

I just want the ride to be as smooth as an android's bottom.

Meghan

It was either this, or having Measley pilot.

Harry

We upgraded last week.

Reggie

Don't worry, engineering will get one too!

Brett

When the captain's away, I will play

Balaam

We wanted to make the arcade release of this move credible.

Derek

Geordi, execute program 'Riker-Pong 1'.

Alejandro Lee

I just asked the computer for one of those outrageous, last-minute miracle options...

Jehnt

No! Guady, it's a sub-compensator of the helm control console!

Derek

If you find a spacial anomaly, tell me. We'll be able to eat THEM for a change!

Derek

Pong with a twist.

Derek

Waddaya say to a loop-de-loop without inertial dampeners?

Alejandro Lee

I think I overdid it on the fountain of youth- I mean, WHEEEE!

Alejandro Lee

For the love of Sev, think of the marketing potential!

Alejandro Lee

Can't let this huge viewscreen go to waste.

Edward

I need this to get to the last level.

E-Nice

Parasite isn't the only person into 20th century Earth junk.

E-Nice

Hey, retro is in. Next, the female crew will get short mini-skirts.

Cap'n Kaz

When you shoot 'em it makes a 'bonk' sound

E-Nice

Well, this crew is getting old. Why not archaic control devices?

E-Nice

All those buttons to press...I was starting to get carpal tunnel syndrome.

Qui Gon Vin

Joystick! This is a 24th century N64 pad!

Ensign Noname Redshirt

It's one of Picard's new artifacts. Used to be from something called a "video game".

Reffik Midson

I don't know all the buttons to this Lady yet.

Reffik Midson

Sevfleet is toying with us!

Reffik Midson

You didn't think we were actually letting the blind man steer in Season 1, did you?

Spiner

I knew all that time playing Space Invaders would pay off!

Gregaroonie

It makes the combo moves easier.

FD

Shh! I'm almost to level 47!!!

T'Rowa

I know. If it was this easy, why don't they just use this to steer the ship?

John Lang

Yeah! Wanna see me loop-the-loop?

Yankee Kiwi

Yeah. Where else can I kill people for real and get a high score at the same time?

T'Rowa

Much cooler than a dweeby helm panel, no?

T'Rowa

THIS is why I don't wanna get promoted.

T'Rowa

It has no real function, except to make me look really cool.

John Lang

Trac Balls spin the ship too wildly.

John Lang

Yeah! What'll they think up next? A Trac Ball maybe?

Wiesel

Yes, and with force feedback!

AJE

Whatch me loop this thing

Eslington

I'm saving up for 3D card as well.

RainStrom

Hey look, Pikachu is evolving into Raichu!

ScottE Bemeup

Just wait until we need to signal a turn.

ScottE Bemeup

It was either this or a steering wheel.

Lantern

We get the Enterforaprize-F at 1,000,000 points

Lantern

We decided it's easier than pushing random buttons.

Lantern

After seeing Tryhard fly the Enterforaprize, we figured we'd need it

Griffin

Care for some pong?

Scott McClenny

Didn't you know Sevfleet was owned by Nintendo?

Namgubed the Merry Elf

Shh! I told the Captain it's called a "practical stick".

lizzyc

It appeals to our younger viewers

Kalahari Karl

Are you kidding? Measly kept on getting cramps typing so hard on this thing...

Commander

All those years of playing pog paid off NOW!

Cyber-Garfield

Its for playing Ex-Wing vs. Tied Fidgeter on the main Sevscreen

Riff

Okay, so we're running out of ideas.

Riff

I got the idea from Zephyr Cockroach.

Riff

We got makeovers; why not the console?

Greg Dean

Watch! If i push it up-up-down-down-left- right-left-right and then hit "start", we get 999 photon torpedoes!

Jcbwilson

Damn! I can never get past the "First Officer Level" on this game!

Antti

Turns out I can steer this a lot faster than Pickhard can tell us to change course...

Strike Falcon

C'mon, it's a lot more beleivable than a bunch of back-lit sheets of plexiglass!

Strike Falcon

I was gonna use a Nintendo ontroller, but that's copyright infringement!

The Great Wizzard

Yes, a joystick. Are you blind or what?

Da Chief

I told you I'm regaining my youth!

8 of 12

This button also fires the weapons!

Bugged Out

It's a piece of technology that we acquired from the Atari people.

Hanover Fisk

Think Merchandising

Corsair

We got it during the last "Retro-fit".

Michael Kraft

With force feedback, so I can feel when we're hit.

Corsair

As old and tired as this franchise is, we gotta have some fun!

R. Hamming

No joystick ever exploded in 400 years.

Shlamko

It's true! Beardless man do have more fun!

Shlamko

Another thing Pickhard would never use...

Francis Miranda

Shut up or i'll throttle you.

Francis Miranda

Without the beard, i can finally have some fun!

Francis Miranda

Can you imagine the merchandising opportunities you can have with this baby?

Francis Miranda

I'm trying to prevent tunnel carpal syndrome.

ScottE Bemeup

I did my masters thesis on Atari battle techniques.

The Great Wizzard

Trust me: snapping a finger and saying "Engage" won't help us in this situation.

the girl from ipanema

That's how I survived my days as a red shirt ensign.

the girl from ipanema

Like I'd wear a red shirt and use a console.

Henri

I asked for a helmconsole that wouldn't explode...

The Great Wizzard

Do you prefer a mouse?

The Great Wizzard

Hey, I'm just controlling the camera angle to show my best side.

The Great Wizzard

No. I'm changing into second gear.

The Great Wizzard

The alternative would've been Tryhard at the helm.

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