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This week's idea has been suggested many times on the Ideas Board. I cringe in anticipation of the howls of outrage when I announce that this idea was first suggested by Francis Miranda!
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

Piker refusing captaincy. Commander Piker has refused captaincy on other sevships so many times, one has to wonder why. Is it because he fears the inevitable baldness that goes along with captaincy (female captains excepted). Or is he just waiting for the fifth TV series to begin so he'll move to that sevship?


Other Punchlines



These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by RedRum. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.


Trek Master

Why couldn't you just stay in the Nexus like a good captain?

adam

Do you want all this hair to go to waste?

Jehnt

They want me to have Measly as first officer.

Sevanonymous

I can wait, old timer. I'm young.

Janus

I'm working up to it; first I've got to shave my beard.

Fireball

Sevfleet doesn't want me anymore. I just crossed the line with that joystick manuever.

Ian P. Freely

I'am waiting for the first sevship with a female-only crew.

Meghan

Perhaps it's the mood lighting eminating from your scalp, but I like it here.

Tanika

Ever hear of the good ship Lollipop?

Tanika

They offered me the Melbourne, and it got assimilated. They offered me the Forager, and it got lost. I'm staying right here!

Tanika

I just learned where the bathroom is on THIS ship!

Darth Clinton

Barf tried to leave, too.

Chris

As Captain I could get into trouble hitting on every woman onboard....

Avenger CO

I'm not ready to get written off the show yet.

ntryon@ibm.net

They promote me to lt. commander, and I fall back. They promote me to comander, and I fall back. They shave my beard, and I fall back. The hairline must be drawn here!

jerry newman

i'm waiting for you to get canned

Treklin

Have you seen the ships I've been offered?

Captain Ahab

Why would I want to be merely Captain, when I could be director and have ALL the power.

David D

Facial hair entropy

Curzon Dax

yeah, yeah, next movie

Marby

I like pretending I have something important to do around here

Brighteyes

Gainweight drinks coffe, you drink earl grey. What am I supposed to drink?

Brighteyes

Because i still haven't though of a better line than 'Make it so.'

Meghan

I don't want my HEAD to be as smooth as an android's bottom.

Petzi

They want female Captains, and I don't want the surgery.

Petzi

No another Sevship has a own TV-Series.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

loyalty..........and re-runs!!

Jorinda

If you insist... Beta, Gaudy, we're leaving!

Kurt

And miss all the screen time involved?

Bagger

You know how it is, hair today gone tommorrow.

gD

What, and start thinking on my own?

Antti

Just thinking about it makes me go bald...

Sam Fergusson

Longer hours,more responsibility and still no paycheck?!

Sam Fergusson

And end up as nothing but a guest star?!

Yankee Kiwi

Then I'd be known as "Number Zero"

Gregory Griffiths

Sevfleet couldn't handle a captain with hair!

Gregory Griffiths

Sevfleet was considering me along with several others, but we got beat out by some guy named Garibaldi.

redshirt ensign noanme

then who's going to womanize on this ship? you; hah!, wesley? couldn't get a meaningful relationship if his life depended on it. data? possibly but not neccacarily.

D.Kacinski

Every ship I'm offered is destroyed the next week!

Luigi Novi

I didn't like the first mate on the one they offered me. Some creepy guy named "Gilligan."

Luigi Novi

Is this about you "needing your space" again?

Luigi Novi

It's all here: Trombones, tea Earl Grey, and Tryhard!

Luigi Novi

Why don't YOU find another franchise? I hear they're looking for a Professor X in the "X-Men" movie!

Luigi Novi

The counsellor on that other one was a Klingon, and I'm NOT geting into a bathtub with HIM!

Jcbwilson

I don't want to get Bored. I mean, bald. I mean -- help me out with the Freudian slips here, Counsellor!

Jcbwilson

As first officer, babes love me, aliens fear me. As capain, I'd just get Bored.

Lily

That depends; do chicks really dig bald men?

Lily

Now that Jazzsinger's dead, I have to guard Doyawanna or Barf might get her killed off, too.

Llachau

I lost my ambition in a poker game.

Llachau

Teasing Beta from another sector just isn't the same.

jspencerb

The writers have a hard enough time getting Barf back for the sequels!

Cyber-Garfield

Either your chair, or no chair

JDSandara

Just shut up and drink you're laced... er Earl Grey Tea.

mgeoffrey

Because I want to be there when you screw up - and YOU WILL screw up.

Republik

Captian, where else where i find a view screen with 50 watt speakers?

Yorgi

Just two more of the female crew to go, and I'm outa here!!

R. Hamming

salary captain > salary first officer, true. Then again, salary director >> salary secondary actor...

Quip

Don't lose your hair over it!

Quip

Thanks to you, there ARE no other sevships!

Quip

None of them included a spin-off!

Quip

Have you SEEN what happens to other ships?

RedRum

Barf's gone...if you lost me, you wouldn't have much of a crew left!

RedRum

Maybe I will...I don't like playing second fiddle to senior citizens

RedRum

The Enterforaprize looks like a dinner plate, WHO KNOWS what my ship might look like!

KaC

Why? So I can be torchured by Carsalesman , and assimilated by the Bored? Na'ah.

KaC

I'm not leaving until I figure out why you want me gone so bad.

KaC

Are you kidding? I finally got this seat grove perfect!

Erik Hollender

I haven't shaved the idea away entirely.

Michael Bunnell

The other ships get blown up...and don't come back.

surreal

The last 3 captains had to be foreign, black or female, i'm not turning gay! i'm not doing it!!!

Carl

because the quota of white male captains has already been filled

surreal

Ever since Quirk, sevfleet's captains quarters only have a single bed!

Voyager X-PERT

I'm really not in a hurry to look like you. Oops, did I say that out loud?

chris

And go through the hassle of changing my address?

Reffik Midson

I'm hoping Q comes back and makes me another offer.

Joshua Eves

I don't think we're ready for a spinoff series yet.

litlflutterby

Because every enemy of the Fleet knows the bald one in the middle is the one to shoot.

litlflutterby

I'm just not ready for my own fish tank captain.

Llachau

We're the only ship with a joystick.

Llachau

It's Sevfleet policy: one womanizer on every ship.

RedRum

After that last film, I don't think I'll even have the chance!

Gregaroonie

I'm already the director...if I make myself a captain, people will think I have a superiority syndrome.

Relisys

Cos whats the point of being a captain if you don't get to be on t.v every week?

TiZ

Didja see what happened to the last ship I turned down? BOOM!

Polson

Then I couldn't yell "Red Alert" and steer the ship with a joy stick.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Look what happened to Barf!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I can't be bothered to learn a new set of command codes!

angelwest

With the number of times you have been incapacitated, by the borg and others, I get to be the captain most of the time without the responsibility

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Working with you is more of a stigma than you would imagine!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Relocating is futile!!!!

Hanover Fisk

All the TV Cameras are on this one.

Namgubed the Merry Elf

Reason #1 at 11 o'clock, Captain.

Vul-canon

Remember Wolf 359? There aren't any ships LEFT!

T'Kar

Because *I* have a life, Boredster.

Mato

Are they gonna start a new series?

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Well I've been here 10 years and you still don't know my name!!

Tom Hyde

Captain Jellyfish confined me to my quarters.

Shlamko

There is only one ship in the quadrent that'll never be destroyed...

Daki

One word...Forager.

Alyssa Powell

You're not dead yet?

Alyssa Powell

I never expected an old geizer like you to make it through the first season

Bartman

I'm waiting until after a couple of movies like Mr. Sulu did.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I don't know......but I'm having counselling!!!

jimmy

NBC hasn't offered a good time slot.

Johnny Cool

I'd call turning down the Titanic as a piece of Luck

John Lang

That's no way to talk to the director.

John Lang

We can get our OWN Sevship? How long has this been goin' on?

John Lang

I flunked "Shirt Tugging 101"

John Lang

I was in command until we un-Boredified you.

John Lang

Bad script writing,

John Lang

You die in the next film.

Casey Jones

Why? So you can have the alien babe of the week all to yourself?

Casey Jones

Nobody will consider me since you put "fuzzy-faced and makes funny-tasting eggs" on my resume`.

Casey Jones

Next movie... it's a major plot point.

Roget

I get dizzy when I spin-off...

Cordavin Lon

With my luck, they'd make Measly my helmsman!

Cordavin Lon

You think THAT'LL help me get rid of the android-butt image?

Cordavin Lon

They took my beard in Insurrection. The line must be drawn HERE!

Paul Pytlik

This is the only ship that ever survives a disaster

Ilta

And get stuck on the bridge like a wimp?!

chris

Well, they *did* want me on this Insipid class ship...

Jcbwilson

The hairline must be drawn here!!

Jcbwilson

Guess I just don't have a "head for command," Baldy.

Catie Bormann

You have to die some time!

Gevskot

No way!!! I've got the best seat in the house!!!

Fletcher Christian

O.K, I promise I'll never play the trombone on the bridge again.

Mark

It's a hairy dilemma.

Mark

What? And not be in the X Generation movies?

Mark

I like my hair just the way it is.

Mark

I don't want to be Bored.

Mark

Have you forgotten? This show is only about the Enterforaprize.

Brett

SevFleet doesn't trust me not drive my own ship with a joystick.

chris

Everyone knows action follows the Enterforaprize!

chris

It took three movies just to shave my *beard*!

assaf

The shine of commnd isnt apon me, yet

todd m

and have to "break in" another chair? no way!

Livid

I like the way my reflection on your head accents my cheekbones.

Lister

You mean one of those ships that go boom every time the Bored show up? No way! I'm staying here where it's safe!

Haathi

I have absolutely no ambition. Live with it.

Luigi Novi

Because I don't want to be assimilated by the Bored, be stuck commanding DS9, or be lost in the Deltoid Quadrant.

Luigi Novi

Actually, they offered me THIS ship, and I said yes. I guess your retirement notice got lost in the mail. Now get out of my seat!

Luigi Novi

As captain, you've had exactly FOUR love interests over the past 12 years, whereas I've nailed everything with a heartbeat. I don't like change.

Lister

Look who's talking! Mr ex-Bored king himself!

Luigi Novi

First Tasha, then Dr. Cruncher, then Measley, and now me. You just won't be happy until you're alone on this bridge, won't you?

Luigi Novi

I like working for a living. No offense.

drone 666

SevFleet Command said I have too much hair for the role...

Doodles

Are you nuts! I'd never get to do anything!

Drone 666

Look, if my trombone playing is that annoying just tell me!!

Drone 666

Because that means shaving off my precious hair.

Nodrog

What, and give up using your head for a mirror?

Nodrog

Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!

+PsychoPat+

How's the artificial ticker... you old goat!

Nodrog

Not untill my agent can work out the same 'Reocurring movie role deal' that Barf got!

+PsychoPat+

I don't want a sevship... but I hear they have an opening for Deep Sev 9.

Nodrog

Crew members leave this ship, and start a new franchise. People leave from that franchies and start a new franchise. No more! The crew list must be drawn here!

Riff

There are really only three sevships; the rest are just models.

Riff

What, and actually have to WORK?

Nodrog

You won't get rid of me that easily! I saw what happened to Barf!

anne

is anything about my appearance annoying you, captain?

Angel

What?!! And have a purpose?!!

Angel

If I left, there's be even LESS sexual appeal on this ship.

Angel

I have more hair than a Wackiee!!!!

Nodrog

What and miss seeing Doyouwanna's tight outfits every day?

Nodrog

Hair is the rank killer. It is the little charachter factor that prevents total command.

Polson

Tryhard needs me.

Polson

You're the oldest geezer in the fleet. I just need to wait for you to keel over and die.

Namgubed the Merry Elf

What, and quit show business?

Strike Falcon

I don't have enough zip disks to transfer my erotic holodeck programs!

Strike Falcon

I would just start worrying that it was another spatial anomoly or mind controlled allusion again.

Strike Falcon

Why command a sevship when I can direct our movies? Hmmm?

Strike Falcon

No other ship has swedish massage in the command chairs!

Strike Falcon

I had my money on you dying, but you HAD to get turned into a kid and then visit a planet of eternal youth instead!

ScottE Bemeup

I'd rather have this one. How do you feel about assimilation?

ScottE Bemeup

I tried it once in a war game. The ship sucked.

ScottE Bemeup

I will, as soon as Forager goes off the air.

ScottE Bemeup

I tried it once in a parallel dimension. Didn't like it.

ScottE Bemeup

I want this one. How's your heart doing today?

ScottE Bemeup

What, and miss the shave scene in the tub with Tryhard?

Brian

Yeah, yeah. First I get my own ship. Next thing you know, I'm on a sitcom!

Jcbwilson

Not til my HEAD is as smooth as an android's behind!

Brian

I want to be right here for the movies!

009

Have you seen the talent on the enterforaprize?

Tribbles

I haven't mastered the "shirt tug" yet.

Tribbles

Can we talk about this after we destroy that Bored cube out there?

Tribbles

Hey, weren't you the one who tried to get me transferred to Forager?

Tribbles

Pattern baldness is not in my genetic code.

Tribbles

And let Barf have Tryhard? No thank you.

Tribbles

And let you get all the women? I think not.

ravenid

Oh no once you kick the bucket I finally get the keys to this baby!

Cyber-Garfield

What, and miss stuff Measly in the airlock night?

ravenid

I dont want to so stop putting those leaflets under my door ok?

ravenid

Command the USS Suicide! No thank YOU.

ravenid

When you direct you tell me what to do ok?

ravenid

You do realise that if I leave Tryhard becomes First Officer?

The Great Wizzard

To quote myself: "Fate protects fools, children and sevships named Enterforaprize [TNG: Contagion]"

Spiner

The only faster way to have bad stuff happen to me is to become an ensign again!

Spiner

And miss a bath scene with Tryhard in the third movie? Whoops, did I say that?

The Great Wizzard

Come on, admit it: you would miss the way I say "Red Alert! Shields up!"

Francis Miranda

Baldness runs in the captaincy.

Spiner

Because then annoying Measly-types become MY problem.

Spiner

Two words: purple jumpsuit.

Mark Ivey

For goodness sake, I've been contracted for seven seasons and at least three movies!

PeteMan

She's sitting to your left!

The Great Wizzard

And you will direct the next movies? You? Or even [shudders] William Shatner?

RedRum

Jean-Luc, this is NOT a toupee!

Michael Kraft

I won't be spoken to in this manner, I'm the director!

Michael Kraft

If I go, I take the film crew with me!

Michael Kraft

Why won't you retire like all the other old guys?

jshap999

I've got my hands full with this ship you senile old fool.

The Great Wizzard

The scary thought is that a "Fully Functional" android will be your First Officer then.

The Great Wizzard

I don't woant to leave the only ship which never got involved in the Domino War.

UberRobe

Say, with 24 years as Captain, shouldn't you be an Admiral by now?

Haathi

I'll just sit here and hope that was rhetorical.

E-Nice

After the end of the Domino war the only ships left needing a captian were a garbage scow and an ore cargo ship.

E-Nice

Why should I? I'm already getting more than enough babes on this ship.

E-Nice

Captain, every ship I was offered a captaincy on suffered a doomed voyage a few months later.

Haathi

Skintight purple jumpsuits.

Haathi

Your answer is sitting over there.

The Great Wizzard

It ain't so bad here since Measly left.

Dr. Jekyl

I've got rythym, I've got music, who could ask for anything more?

Ken Rice

I'd rather have a full head of hair.

the girl from ipanema

I'd rather stay here till you lose your eyebrows and become an admiral.

8 of 12

So you can promote Worf? I don't think so!

8 of 12

I called dibs on that seat! I'm not leaving until I get it!

the girl from ipanema

And miss all the landing PARTIES?

stalemate

I'm waiting for you to die!

The Great Wizzard

I haven't any of the necessary qualifications. You know: no hair, favorite beverage, catchphrases ...

The Great Wizzard

I need a few years next to you to practise my shirt-tugging and saying "Make It So" and "Engage".

The Great Wizzard

They offered my the "USS Junkyard", the "USS Minnow" and the "USS Forager". I had bad feelings about that [TM].

The Great Wizzard

And miss all the fun when leading away missions?

The Great Wizzard

I want to keep my hair as long as possible.

JC

Please. I still have hair AND a beard!

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