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This week's idea was suggested by chris.
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

Beta's Inflatable Rear! One of the most memorable special effect moments of Star Trek: Insurrection was the image of Data inflating and rising up from the water. Just how functional is this android?


Other Punchlines



These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by jshap999. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.


Quip

And I thought the MOVIE stunk!

Quip

The PC directive outlaws gas warfare!

Quip

Then explain those bubbles?

Lyra

Whatever you say, Beta... (thinking) I gotta get Gaudy to take the bean dip file off the replicator database.

Russell Christiansen

Didn't you notice your butt has started to firm up? Not that we care about it.

Juan Deer

Sure, and I'm designed to serve as a solar panel

bluediva4

That's great, but I better not see any bubbles!

Tom Hyde

A fartation device?

the girl from ipanema

Now I'll just have to start calling you number two.

Griffin

And a jet booster if you burst.

Oren Otter

This is what happens when you have extras installed by a blind engineer.

RealmMan

Floating to the surface AND sinking to new depths at the same time!

Erik Hollender

Dibbs on the right buttocks!

Kim Sommer

You're being a little too human today.


Hey, if it makes enough money, the jokes are worth it.

3boil

The Beta Maneuver.

craig

mr data, think of the ozone layer!

Antony

You *are* fully functional!

Piers

Indeed, a foul and pestilant congregation of gases!

Slasha

But, Beta, you're an ANDROID, not a HEMMRHOID!

Slasha

Sev--the positronic backside--these are the voyages of Beta's butt--to seek out new gaseous anomalies and obliviate entire civilizations with methane gas--to boldly blow where no android's butt has blown before!

Jedi Knut

What's disturbing is that now it looks even more like Piker's chin.

RobRoy

You misread your manual, Beta ... It says "flatulation device."

Namgubed the Merry Elf

Most people's spare tires go around their midsection, Beta.

Jeff

I hope it deflates or you will never sit at ops again.

Cyber-Garfield

No more spicy food night for you

jcbwilson

Oh, great, Mr. Beta. Just SWELL.

darth carpenter

I have the same problem with baggy shorts.

Chris

Oh, that was going to be MY excuse!

plain simple

And I tought your brother was the evil one.

Brian

Are you now striving to be a human buoy?

Brian

That's Piker's excuse, too!

Brian

I just figured you were fully flatulent.

TJD

Then get your butt over here!

John Lang

I'm not ridin' no android's butt!

John Lang

So you want us to take a seat in the rear?

Joe Smith

Do you operate as Captain Janeway's hairdryer as well?

Strike Falcon

I did not know Heavily was skilled at butt augmentation...

Strike Falcon

Beta, I TOLD you to go BEFORE you jumped in the pool!

Strike Falcon

Beta, one word: liposuction!

Strike Falcon

Well, now we know that when Beta rips gas, it's helium!

E-Nice

You gave up your emotion chip for that?

E-Nice

The captian's chair is still mine, no matter how large your seat is.

E-Nice

Hmph...Forager gets the inflatable Bored, we get this inflatable droid.

E-Nice

No wonder I'm not fighting on the frontlines. It's this circus of a crew I have


Admit it Beta, you farted in your jumpsuit

Ryyn

You give a whole new meaning to bubble butt

Rob Jensen

Deactivate that before you explode. That's an order.

ShaneS

I don't want to know how you recharge it!

Sam Fergusson

And I thought Tasha was exaggerating!!!

Sam Fergusson

I never thought I'd be glad that the new Sevfleet uniforms are tighter and airproof....

Sam Fergusson

I always thought your creator had a sense of humor....

T

I could learn to live with this if I could stop shuddering about where it came from.

whatsmy ageagain?

Anij, there be...whales...here!

whatsmy ageagain?

I think I'd rather drown.

whatsmy ageagain?

Disclaimer: No poisonous gases were used in the creation of this film

Darth Clinton

Yes, but are you fireproof?

Milad

Well, i'm sure as hell not gonna grab your android butt!

Llachau

Good to see our movie budget is being put to good use.

Llachau

No, Beta, it's my turn for a hopeless love affair.

Llachau

Ignore him. He always does this when I'm on a date.

Llachau

Please, Mr. Beta, this story has enough hot air as it is!

8 of 12

Convenient, but frightening.

Mark

So Beta, what other assets have you been hiding?

8 of 12

I think I'll just dog paddle for a while.

Mark

Beta, warn us before you deflate.

traP

I am NOT getting on that!

traP

That had better just be regular air, Beta..

traP

'Make it row', Mr. Beta.

traP

Just don't 'Make it Smell.'

traP

We can afford these special effects, but not decent writers?

chris

In case of decompression, do oxygen masks pop out?

chris

Please tell me that's helium!

Chickster

My god! And I thought Troi's bum looked big!

Luigi Novi

Don't worry, Beta. If the Soda can stretch their faces, I'm sure they must have liposuction too!

Luigi Novi

We have the Soldout, who can stretch their faces, and now Beta, who can inflate his butt! Is this a Star Trek movie, or just one big advertisement for plastic surgery?

Luigi Novi

And as cheap, juvenile humor as well.

Luigi Novi

"Beta, when you told Tasha and the Bored Queen that you were 'fully functional', I thought you meant on the OTHER side!"

Ian Freely

Trying for rear-admiral, Beta!?

Ohad Lutzky

What fuel does it use - Uranium 235 or baked beans?

Daniel R

Row row row your butt gently down the stream...

Ensign Glucouse Maximus

You take the left, I'll take the right.

Petréa Mitchell

A likely story. We know what *really* happened to those missing lentils, mister!

ccchhhrrriiisss

I am NOT clinging to that thing!

JDSandara

Please tell me this feature won't be included in your action figure.

ravenid

I want a mind wipe when we get back to the ship ok?

ravenid

Give the Counselour back her implants.

ravenid

Yes,yes your fully functional, we know we know.

ravenid

Buttastic!!

JP

Beta, I don't think that's appropriate for network television.

Julian

I always wondered where the 24th century Inspecter Gadget was.

Tribbles

Great. Now can you serve as an air freshener, too?

Tribbles

I think we've discovered a new weapon, too...

Tribbles

Plot device, flotation device, they're just getting more efficient, aren't they.

Tribbles

That's something I really didn't need to see, Beta.

JDSandara

Anij, give me a hairpin, let's see how far he can fly.

JDSandara

So is this how android's bottom's get so smooth?

Jcbwilson

As long as you don't lose containment and eject your warp core while I'm around!

FCCM

Sorry Beta, but the position of Rear Admiral has already been taken.

Spiner

Sometimes I think your creator made you TOO functional...

Spiner

Now why didn't that automatically deploy when we crashed the Enterforaprize?

Mac Breck

And people accuse ME of being a windbag!

ScottE Bemeup

It seems that many things are getting firmer.

ScottE Bemeup

Lets not make this a timeless moment.

ScottE Bemeup

Thar She Blows.

ScottE Bemeup

Never use your purge valve in mixed company.

mouse - jeffries tube 32

All these models have twin air bags fitted as standard!!

ScottE Bemeup

I order you to requisition some Beano.

ScottE Bemeup

I suppose this would be a case of techno-bladder.

FerengiBert

That's fine and all...but I'm more concerned about the deflating process of floatation device.

ScottE Bemeup

Vent. That's an order.

The Great Wizzard

And a flatulation device, too.

MkMiDay

The self-activating fanny floats save the day.

Dummy

Make it float!

Dummy

You still need to work on your "human" side, Beta...

Frank

Flatulence driven, I presume.

John Lang

That's one bad case of hemmoroids!

MDI

Talk about your dual side airbags.

deity

Just as long as I get the left cheek.

Justin (Ironpants) Allen

well then i guess you should lay off of the baked bolts then

Paul Inglis

This is one gaseous anomaly that the Enterprise will NOT be undertaking a survey of, Number Two!

GoldenH

Beta, what exactly did you have for breakfast?

sean

looks more like a whoopie cushion to me

GenesisFire

SevFleet for you. Ask for a officer, get a pool toy

Ilta

That's good, because this plot is going under fast!

8 of 12

That still doesn't explain the bubbles!

redshirt ensign noname

your creator was a sick, sick man.

Holly Kim Wilson

I just worry about the impact to the environment.

T'Majel

Data, there's a ferengi stowing away in your pants!

T'Majel

Is this some kind of sick Borg implant?

Piper

Is there a manual valve on that inflatable derriere of yours?

Livid

Mr. Beta, you are in direct violation of the PC Directive! Deflate at once.

Spiner

Ugh. Now I have to live with THAT image in my head!

David Esquivel

Ok, this is an outtake right?!

Livid

No, I will not pull your finger!

Darth Clinton

The question is, should I drown, or grab your rear?

mgeoffrey

Of all the people, I get the human Blowdryer.

Reffik Midson

And I thought you were a windbag before you got a personality!

Cordavin Lon

Holy life preserver, Buttman!!!

Cordavin Lon

We abolished inflation years ago!

Cordavin Lon

She's 300 years old and she never heard the "pull my finger" joke.

CatsPaw

Oh sure, you just want us to grab your butt!

S

Beta you're steeling the shot

DogWelder

And I'm designed to serve as a solar power plant. Quit boasting.

Chop

Small design flaw- you expect us to hold on to that?

Chop

Rear impact airbags, Mr Beta?

Jdla

And the smell is included as well?

Kalahari Karl

Beta, I said no burritos for lunch!

Quip

I distinctly TOLD you to lay off the microchips!

Harley Cat

And a gas propelled motorboat too, I see.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Please state the nature of the inflatable emergency!!

Gregaroonie

Data...your butt's expanding. Did you put in a new "Aging" chip?

jcbwilson

Beta, row your butt ashore! Halleluja!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Bit of a wind bag!!!!

Mouse -Jeffries tube 32

Nobody light any matches!!!!!

Tom Hyde

Just give me fair warning before you deflate.

Mouse -Jeffries tube 32

He wants more air time!

PeteMan

Beta, there's a gaseous anomaly in your pants!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

He suffers from an inflated ego too!!!

RAdm Mata

Just don't let any of that gas escape!

PeteMan

You have to admit, that's pretty cheeky!

PeteMan

How do you activate that - by pulling your own finger?

Corsair

I suppose you have a flare gun and emergency rations too.

John Zieman

Can't you float without farting?

Bill Harris

Do you mind, Mr. Beta? I'm trying to be heroic here.

Nodrog

Who needs a utility belt when you've got Beta? On the other hand, utility belts don't talk.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

This is the silliest movie we've done yet!!

Nodrog

Yet at other times you sink like a rock. Continuity, thy name is... some other series.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I think you'd better let Dr Cruncher look at that!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I know we're getting younger....butt that's just infantile Beta!!

Klau'HaQ

Do you come with a little motor in the back?

Viking Vikingsson

Why haven't I been floatified?

Klau'HaQ

Beta, I envy you but this is ridiculous!

Nodrog

That is one butt ugly Beta unit!

Don Miller, Jr.

If you think I'm holding on to your rear,... think again!

s.

you had one sick little designer

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Hull Pressure at maximum!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

So thats why he has buttocks!!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Buoy oh buoy!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Sevfleet think of everything!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Hot air from both ends now... Mr Beta!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Not in front of a lady, Beta!!!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

He's the butt of every joke on the Enterforaprize!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Show off!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

That's nothing....my head acts as an emergency beacon!!!!

Matthew Szypryt

I hope that's the whistle Beta!

Mark Gallagher

Admit it, Beta, you're just a glorified blow-up doll!

scottie

well that was an efficient and almost beleivable way of getting us out of that situation

scottie

is there anything you can't do?

Roget

Pardon me, if I dont strap you to my chest.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Think I'd rather drown...if you don't mind?!!

Stalemate

Just don't let the air out until were on a safe distance from you!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Decompression sequence initiated!!

009

It must make bath night fun

009

That's a mental image I could live without

009

I do not want to know how you inflated your pants

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Prune juice has it's uses!!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Talaxian bean sprouts again?!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I'm not sucking that for an oxygen supply!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

He's just bursting with mod cons!!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

hull breach imminent!!!!!

Edward Teach

Yes, I would recognize that model 'scotty' anywhere

Johnny Cool

Gordi to Hollowdeck 4, We've got a Gaseous Anomoly

Edward Teach

remind me to rewrite you gastronomical subroutine

Cameron Mason

Not to mention an airbag.


Make it Blow

Cordavin Lon

I'm gonna potty train you, if it takes 'till Star Trek XII !!!!

Cordavin Lon

So THAT'S where the Enterprise's chili reserves went!

Shlamko

I don't want to be around when you'll deflate it!

John Lang

Good, let's ride your butt ashore!

John Lang

Well don't fart now...we need to get ashore!

Annie

Another gem for the logbook.

Annie

Just try to keep your rear at an even keel, okay?

David D

That explains the bean shortage!

David D

And not to be used without adult supervision!

David D

Ah yes . . optional extras.

David D

HOW? . . . Hang on . . . never mind!

valerie parv

That's my buoy!

Will Etienne

Yes, but methane?

redshirt ensign noname

Emergency containment field to data's pants!

redshirt ensign noname

warning, explosive decompression immenent!

redshirt ensign noname

Data, check suit for microfractures!

redshirt ensign noname

will's beard is as smooth as THAT?!?!!

evay

And a plot device as well, I see.

lizzyc

I've got buns of steel while you've got buns of air

Wes

That's the worst case of gas I've ever smelled!

lizzyc

Okay, Beta. That's just disgusting.

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