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This week's idea was suggested by Francis Miranda.
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

Naming the Emotional Mediocre Hollowgraphic Doctor! For some reason, the Doctor just doesn't seem to want to give himself a name. Perhaps the reason is everytime he chose a name, someone ended up dying!

Other Punchlines

These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by Ikarus. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.


Who needs a name when you have Chaaaarisma!

Avenger CO

I WAS waiting for you to get promoted first.

Jo Mama

My motherboard never named me.


I would tell you, but then I'd have to kill you, and I am so sick of bringing you back.


This ensign had a name; look where it landed him!


My database shrunk.

24/7 (gotta work one day, eh?!)

To bug the purists!

8 of 12

I must say that I've always fancied Gabby.

Shane of Trek

I was thinking of Holly Gram, accurate- but too feminine.


How would it sound if someone came in and said 'Activate Fred'?


I'm a doctor not a name...type....guy!


I chose a symbol, but everyone calls me "the program formerly known as Doc"

Shane of Trek

Chin, just kiss my photonic butt!

Strike Falcon

How come you've never gotten a life?


If Dr. Who can get away with it, so can I.


Doctor's personal log... another ensign cursed himself today...

Shane of Trek

How about "Hairy Head". It fits me like "Hairy Chin" fits you.

Sevilian 2000

There hasn't been a name invented yet that would do justice to me!


How come you never stay dead?

Matthew Szypryt

I did: Iva Biggun. Gainweight didn't like it.


That's on a need to know basis.

Rug Man

Have you noticed I'm the only character in the galaxy without a humiliating Sev Name?

Dr. Jekyl

It's going to be either Dr. Pepper, Dr. Martin or Dr. Scholl... I'm just waiting for the final promotional figures to roll in.


I suppose you're right: with a name and this dome I'll make captaincy in no time!


Because on this show, the shorter your name, the better your storylines!


I have. Pronouncing it properly kills redshirts.


Death seems to follow my name...

Phil "RealmMan" Capps

Every time I do, someone dies! "First, do no harm," remember?


Well Dr. Death doesn't really help moral does it?


Hmm... yes, it HAS been a long time since you last died.


Ok, I'll pick one - that way I'll have something to put on your death certificate under "cause of death"...


Its better to have a personality and no name than to be like you.


So YOU'RE the one going on the shuttle mission with Choclotay...


Presenting Don Juan DeHologram.

Kevin Warrington

Please state the nature of the medical emergency, or get out

Kevin Warringtron

Because I just love those "what's up doc?" jokes


I have. We just keep you out of the loop.


What's in a name? Besides a bunch of letters.

Luigi Novi

The first time someone gave me one, Schweitzer, I later learned it means "bozo" in Danish, right after I hang out with some Danish Vikings! I'm afraid to think of what the next one I get means!

Luigi Novi

As "The Doctor," I get to be the only cast member with the word "the" in his name. I kinda like it.

Luigi Novi

Not a good idea. Prior Trek doctors' names have included "Bones" and "Crusher." Bonecrusher? What should MY name be? Half-nelson? Pile driver?

Luigi Novi

Why? Do you see me getting a lot of phone calls out here in the Delta Quadrant?

Luigi Novi

Each time I have, we've lost a Viking girl, a diseased scientist, and a 20th century astronomer!


Computer, end idiot.


How creative could I be in only eight-dot-three characters?


They're saving it for sweeps month.


The suspense is the only thing keeping our ratings alive.

No'ar Kele'stra

Let's see: I have no name, and get wonderful episodes written around me. You HAVE a name, and get TORTURED in all YOUR episodes....


It's the only thing that makes my character special!


And get you all killed? I have my oath, you know


What would you suggest? "Hairless Chin?"


I have! It's "Dokk Torr." Pleased to meet you!


Two words: plausible deniability.


We already have an Ensign Studmuffin. It would be too confusing to the crew!

mouse - jeffries tube 32

4747 of Caffeinizine for the Captain now Mr Kim!!

Dr. Jekyl

Hmmm... well, actually, I rather like Dr. Lecter, but I don't want people to tumble onto my little secret just yet....


I suppose Gaby is taken?


don't ask stupid questions to your future captain


well let's say I'm nobody. And NOBODY is PERFECT !


I don't want to be called names.


A name is so passÚ.


It's hard to find a name that's impossible to be parodied in sevtrek


Give me that hypo and expose your neck, would you?


I prefer to remain an enigma.

R. Sullivan

But I did. It's "Smack-Daddy-Hologram."


With looks like mine, who needs a name?


I have more personality than you, I get more women than you, I have a longer lifespan than you... do you really want me to have a more interesting name than you, too?


OK, I'll pick one if you'll agree to be the one that gets killed.


we were running out of ensigns... ensign...


I haven't yet found one to live up to my towering ego.

Chris B

No name, no adress, no junkmail


Do you know how much it costs to change the opening credits?

Q 1701 E

Scans show this ensign died of asking one to many questions.

Q 1701 E

If you weren't part of the bridge crew ,youd be dead by now!


I pick a name and somebody dies! I pick another name and somebody else dies! The line must be drawn HERE!


Baldy's already been taken.


The Doctor is a homage to Doctor Who


Continuity is too hard on this ship! None of you would remember a name if I chose one!

Gregory Griffiths

Ensign, would you like to be the next person to die when I pick a name?

Gregory Griffiths

'Doc how can you have emotions?' 'Doc, how come you never program yourself some hair?' Will the questions never end??!!


For the same reason YOU never acquired a personality: the writers couldn't make up their minds...


I don't want it to be Sevilized.


Tell you what - I'll chose a name and we'll see if you don't end up getting killed again.


Ten prefers me with binaries.

The irrepressible Zordauch

Fear of potential ževnames


I have chosen a name - your puny human ears just hear it as "Doctor".


No name can encompass my amazing brilliance!

cynthia lewis

Shut up, or I'll turn off your hollowgraphic brain!


It triggers a core breach. Small bug in Windows 3000.


Names are such, impersonal things


No name can capture my greatness.


Which medical subroutine would you like to delete to make room for it?


Well, the name "Hairy" has already been taken.


What's in a name? An EMH by any other name would still be as cynical and sour.


I 've got a noname-motherboard.


I'm too busy maiking myself fully functional.


I can't think of something that goes with my initials.


Why bother? The writers will just hit the reset button.

Robert Underwood

Because Operaman bombed.

Robert Underwood

Because I'm known throughout the quadrant as Tricorderman!

Cmdr. Solomon

Well...I was going to choose Amanda...but I don't think Janeway would Like a Crossdressing EMH.


My Sev Trek name is bad enough as it is.


I did. The domain registration has not been confirmed yet.


I found out EMH meant "Erase My Hair".


All I could get out of EMH was "Eeewww, My Head".


Do you think Ten will come to sick bay more often if I named myself Hot Lips?


I don't like the 8.3 file naming standard.


Because my program defaults to "doctor" when I am turned on.

=/\= Char =/\=

Well... EMH... Earl Mac Hairry? Elizabeth Missy Hopper? Extremly Macho Hologram? Need i go on?

John Lang

OK..seeing how so many people me Dr. Kevorkian!

nobodys perfct

Hmm.. 100110 or 100111 What do you think?

John Lang

We're going off the air next season so why bother?

John Lang me Dr. Zachary Smith...oh, the pain...the pain!

John Lang

I do..It's Earl Mergatroid Hannesy of EMH for short!

John Lang

Insufficient memory.


what, and give up my anonymity

mouse - Jeffries tube 32

The namesh Bond Dr Bond!!!!

Strike Falcon

Shut up, I'm playing Pokemon!

Strike Falcon

Isn't it obvious? No name, better love life than a particular young ensign!

Strike Falcon

How come the gel packs have more of a personality than you?

Strike Falcon

How come you've never gotten a life?


All the good ones are already taken.


I want to be on record as the only no-name charcter to survive Sev Fleet!


Whats the point? You'll switch me off when we get back!

ScottE Bemeup

Please state the nature of your imbecility.

ScottE Bemeup

Names are irrelavent. You will be medicated.

ScottE Bemeup

How come you've never chosen a personality?

ScottE Bemeup

Name, name, name. Again with name. What is name?


So I can change my name every time I become emotional


What and let those damned SevTrekies give me some degrading nickname?

Francis Miranda

A photon by any other name smells just as sweet.

Francis Miranda

Sticks and stones may break my bones but names are lethal.

Francis Miranda

First some hair, then a name.

Francis Miranda

I would've if people around here didn't start dropping like flies.

The Great Wizzard

Call me TDFKAE - The Doctor Formally Known As EMH.

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

My achievments speak for themselves!!!!!

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

Only one more season to go........what's the point?!!!!!

Michael Kraft

Damnit I'm a doctor not a nomenclator!

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

I'm trying to conserve disk space!!!!!

Rich DiTullio

You mean give up a cherished plot device? Never.

Rich DiTullio

I'm a doctor, not a baby book.

Rich DiTullio

Remember the Dr. Kevorkian incident?

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

Don't you have a Jeffries tube to hoover or something?!!

Rich DiTullio

Because EMH makes me sounds like a rock band.


I can't find a name that captures my sparkling personality.

ScottE Bemeup

I'm holding out for a spinoff.

ScottE Bemeup

I made a promise that as soon as we got home I'd make a name for myself.

ScottE Bemeup

I'm saving that for the series finale.

ScottE Bemeup

Writers block. Theirs, not mine.

ScottE Bemeup

I'm having too much fun renaming the rest of the crew, Ensign Dim.


And become like anybody else in this show...


Names are so finite.


I want to be remembered as the man with no name


Names are for mortals


Why? You've got two names, and it hasn't gotten you a chance on Ten out of Ten

Darth Fork

If you keep hassling me then you'll end up like John Doe here

The Great Wizzard

I fear the writers could confuse me with normal crewmembers and make me bland and boring as well.

The Great Wizzard

Everytime I pick one I get sued for copyright infringement.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I did.....but the Captain said "Frankenstein" wasn't PC!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Well look what the rest of you got lumbered with?!!!!

The Stooged Wizzard

I can't decide between "Curly", "Larry" and "Moe". Whoop whoop whoop. Nyak nyak nyak.

Jor (the Wizard of Sha-ka-ree)

If I told you, I'd have to kill you... see Ensign Noname there


Some names are too dull. I prefer the idea of a Borg designation, personally.

The Great Wizzard

I chose "Mozart" and you laughed at me. I chose "van Gogh" and you laughed at me and programmed my ear off. The line had to be drawn somewhere.

The Great Wizzard

As Ten would say: "Names are irrelevant"


I did... but you people still keep calling me Doctor.

Johnny Cool

I thought about it and decided that the crew wasnt ready for Dr Ruth

The Great Wizzard

Hair first, name later.

Vixen of Borg

How come you've never been promoted

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