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This week's idea was suggested by no el.
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

The bald hollowgraphic doctor. Why is the computer programmed EMH doctor bald? And more importantly, why doesn't he change his program to give himself some hair?!

Liana Paxton sent me an amusing sequel to this cartoon where the Doctor has his revenge.

Other Punchlines


These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition.

This week's winning punchline was written by Lily. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.


"Because that would violate the perm directive!"


do you realize how many bytes it takes per follicle

ensign schooby

because it improves my chances of becoming captain when you finaly get devoured by your hair


I can't decide on a hairstyle. Hell I can't even decide on a name!

ScottE Bemeup

I don't do Fuzzy Logic.


I do! It keeps getting diverted to maintain The Do!


Because character is inversely proportional to hair quantity.


I'm a doctor, not a sex symbol


The hairline must be drawn *here*!

Matt McLaughlin

Who will style it? You?!

ellen cuypers

Im just replacing the bald-captain-thingee. Since you dont take your responsibilities for that.


Grass doesn't grow on a busy street, Captain.

Ensign No-Name

I thought about it- then I met you

a bb bb bbb cde fgh ijklm no pqrstuvwx y you little . . . z ya later.

You're just jealous Seven stole your limelight, therefore, you stole my hair!


What IS it with you and hair!?


Well I don't know, I always thought we kind of cancelled each other out...


Actually, I like the low maintainance approace.

Bad Moon

Photonic lice, Captain. Trust me.


This is what happens when you tick off Balogna


You're supposed to walk on rugs, not wear them


The Holographic Hair Club turned me down


I wanted a higher forehead.

Phil "RealmMan" Capps

I did once, but I kept coming online with "pillow head."


Because my head is the ships reflector sheild


You want me to look lilke you? Haven't I suffered enough?


10 of 10 likes to use my head as a mirror


I dont want to mess with my natural beauty.


I'd have to program myself some sissors then!


I'm trying to get promoted to Holographic Captain.


Last time I had hair, Cuss married Tomb Parasite and the Krenim destroyed Forager

Erik Hollender

All I have is a Plugs Subrtine.


Combing, styling, perming, colouring, lice, allopecia... need I go on?

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Restyling is futile!!!


Dammit, I'm a doctor not a chia pet!

The Chia Rhino

I did yours, and we know how THAT turned out!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I did but Torrid moved it to my butt for a joke!!

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

I'm waiting on an upgrade!!

Mouse - jeffries tube 32

Why don't I programme us some interesting storylines while I'm at it!!


I did. Give it back.


I did, but it seems to be assimilated by your head.

Rob McLeod

Kneelicks has fleas

Rob McLeod

The Guru of style has spoken

Simon N

"I'm a Doctor, not William Shatner."

Well, SOMEONE has to be bald. It's called "continuity"

8 of 12

It will go straight to my head!


I'm on the command fast-track..


While we're on the topic of hair, the crew and I have a couple hundred questions of our own for you...

8 of 12

And I have some great examples here, don't I? You and Kneeclicks.

Jungle Torgo

It's not a bald spot - it's a solar panel!

The irrepressible Zordauch

You've got more than enough for the whole ship!

Alejandro Lee

It's hard enough having holographic shirt creases to tug on!


There's enough fuzzy logic in my program already!


Will you settle for some serious sideburns?


I would, but someone is tying up the follacle accelerators


Are you kidding? It's harder than programming the VCR!!!


Here's a mirror. Now try and tell me that we need more hair on this show.

Don Rae

You wouldn't either, if the only program available was "Afro"!


Two words-command ambitions

Petréa Mitchell

I tried it on you and look what happened!


My rogaine software patch still hasn't come in.


Why don't you simply lend me one of your wigs?!


It would throw off our minority representation!


Why don't you deprogram some of yours?!

Lt. Lana

I was originally cast as the captian.


There's no hair left for me since you fell asleep in the hair-replicator!

Namgubed the Merry Elf

I have more self-esteem than Captain Quirk!

Galsan Blit

I did, but the program malfunctioned. Guess who got all the hair?

ScottE Bemeup

My program follows the K.I.S.S. paradigm. (Keep It Shiny Stupid)

ScottE Bemeup

I never learned how to program fuzzy logic.

ScottE Bemeup

The first query on the template was "Name of Subject". I was stumped.


And waste my furrowed brow subroutine?

ScottE Bemeup

I want to be the first HollowCaptain.


I can cure the sick, dance, sing, wax poetic, but I cannot program a decent follicle!

ScottE Bemeup

I couldn't find a metal comb to debug it.

ScottE Bemeup

And why don't you just go chug another urn of java.


You know what they say, "When you've got no top the sky's the limit!"


I'm so busy working on my personality I don't even have time to program a hat.


I tried! Don't you think I tried?


I keep getting hollowhair on my patients.


Somehow all the hair I'm programing ends up on your head!


Because, you're taking up the quota for the show!

Miss Paradox

All the great men in Sev Trek were bald!

Radm Mata

Its in the contract: "Designated Sevship bald crewmember"


You've got enough hair for both of us.


The last thing I need is to end up in a binary hair cluster with you!


Okay, okay, I'll say it... Shut up and kiss me.


Darn... why didn't I think of that!

Bill Harris

It's a Sev General Order. "There must be at least one bald character per series."


Hmmm... does the computer have your pattern?


Oooh! is that how you do it?!


Maybe I better replicate it... like you do!


This is the only way my character gets to shine!


I did, but most of it fell out!


It's easy for YOU to talk.

Amen Hotep VII

There's enough on this ship for all of us


Bald heads are chick magnets.


You stole my hair subroutines!

John Lang

It isn't fair that only starship captains get to be bald.

Jor (the Wizard of Sha-ka-ree)

I am bald by choice... to counterbalance the Bun of Steel!

Jor (the Wizard of Sha-ka-ree)

I'm a doctor, not a programmer!

Jor (the Wizard of Sha-ka-ree)

Well, SOMEONE has to "baldly go" here!

Jor (the Wizard of Sha-ka-ree)

Just preparing for MY captaincy!

Jor (the Wizard of Sha-ka-ree)

Robert PICARDo, get it?

Cmdr. Solomon

That would take power away from my irritability matrix.

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