|Sev Trek: The Comic Strip|
The Mission of the X Generation. Two weeks ago, we looked at the mission of Jurassic Trek. This week, we're moving onto the mission of the X Generation which was substantially more politically correct than Jurassic Trek.
|These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. This week's winning punchline was written by Andre. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.|
To GET THAT BOY OFF MY BRIDGE!!!
...to find a uniform that doesn't ride up!
...Is to update the entire Galaxy for the 90s!
To find out exactly WHY I have to say this at the beginning of every episode
To baldly glow like no head has done before
Cwene of the Nymphs
To squeeze every last penny out of this franchise!
Victor Of Borg
To be denied existence by the Q Continuum, and reclaim it within the hour.
to seek out new life and count their forehead bumps.
To boldly tick off omnipotent beings as no man has before!
To find uniforms that we will never have to tug on!
...to show off this nifty new ship that almost flys itself but breaks down on a weekly basis.
...to repeatedly blow up our ship and hit the reset button.
To feel androids' bottoms
...to eek out new gravy trains as no one has eeked before!
to coin catch phrases like "make it so" and "fully functional"...
To not let the Voyager or DS9 mob have a Star Trek cinematic movie of their own!
to say whatever quirk did faster
to survive the galaxy by tugging on our shirts
...to defy the PC directive, but this time only with much character-building debate and inner conflict.
8 of 12
To find Piker a love life, Barf a girlfriend who won't die, Beta a personality, Gaudy a personality, Tryhard something to actually do, Measley a life, Heavenly a character, and as for me, a years supply of head wax will do nicely.
High Priestess of the Pink Fuzzy Bunnies
To come up with a way to kill Weasley Crusher without raising suspicion
to replace redshirts who die with no reason with yellowshirts who die with no reason!
to subtly escape major confrontations through "dialogue and peace."
to bore viewers to sleep with philosophical platitudes.
To go through as many plotholes as possible
to boldy go where no frenchman with an english accent has gone before.
To be polite but firm where few have been polite but firm before
To rattle endlessly with techno-babble even we don't understand
To introduce the future trend of exceedingly annoying characters on Sev Trek
The one and only Q
Run into anomaly after anomaly.
The one and only Q
To meet Cue again and again and again.
To boldly be more politically correct than her predecesor...
To do the same thing every other Enterforaprize has done, only with a larger budget and better special effects.
...to coincidentally be where all the action is, all the time.
To find a hollowdeck that will not try to kill the crewmembers or take over the ship
To revisit old plotlines, seek out new marketing opportunities, and baldly go where no one has gone before. While remaining PC, of course.
Whatever -- let's just try to keep the ship in one piece (or maximum TWO pieces), OK?!
Wait, sorry . . . IT'S mission . . .
to spread political correctness by pushing aside all religion and ethnic background!
To find out what does Tryhard really does.
To seek out scantly clad alien women, and give them some cloths.
"To go farther than Forager and be back in time for supper."
...to explore strange (not that we consider anything WRONG with being strange) new (for us, that is. There's no reason your world could not have a highly developed culture, and thus be old to you) worlds (by which we mean planets, moons, asteroids, and any other heavenly bodies), to seek out (for scientific purposes only) new (or old, depending on your frame of reference) life (although if you do not want to be put under the category 'life' please notify us so we can refer to you by your proper name) and new (or old, depending on your frame of reference) civilizations (although we do not discriminate against any non-civilized beings), to boldly (or not, if you are offended by boldness) go (or fly or slither, or whatever means you have for moving about) where no one (as we do not want to offend any female or androgenous lifeforms) has gone before (although when in the case of inhabited planet (or moons, or other havenly bodies) the natural inhabitants have already been there, so this doesn't apply)
To force the entire universe to submit to the semi adjustable PC Directive
to replace the dramatic pause with the constant shirt tug
To reach new hairlines,...
To seek out new life and make up excuses to disrupt it.
to make it through a complete season without encountering a temporal anomaly.
To explore new women, er estrogen enhanced humans.
To boldly overdo the PC Directive.
To find out what's really in Barfly program 9!
James L. Terman
to keep the franchise going during all the Sev Wars sequels.
James L. Terman
to make a movie that brings in more money than Sev Wars.
To show that bald old men can still be sexy
To explore strangely improbable coincidences.
To prove that a real captain needs no toupee.
To let the first officer boldly go where no one has gone before.
To prove that bald guys get more chicks
To not blow the whole franchise...
To reach enough episodes for syndication...
to sell strange new merchandise
To trick every species into the Sev Fleet.
To last more than 3 seasons....
To survive all the enemies' attacks but to crash-land on a planet.
To be the only ship that survived 3 bored atttacks.
to pointlessly wander throughout the galaxy.
To spend more money on special effects than any TV show has spent before!
The same as the other crew's mission -- to make money!
To seek out scantily clad babes and promote them into bridge officers!
Try to solve every problem by calling a meeting.
To prove that bald people can get ahead.
...to show the universe how french captains speak.
to explore strange new plotlines... to seek out new sets and special effects... to expensivley go where no one has expensively gone before!
to continue the odd numbered film tradition.
To explore anywhere but ancient Earth, to seek out better alien prostetics, to boldly be bald!
to make it to another season
to boldly franchise where no franchise has franchised before.
The Great Wizzard
To rehash every Jurassic Trek story at least twice a season
The Great Wizzard
To do that same ole stuff as in the 60's - but this time politically correct.
to run head first into anomolies even when we can see them on our sensors!
To make twice as much money as the first one did!
to serve you entertainment with a side of chicken
to finish an entire mission without getting cancelled!!!
To spend seven years on tv, then make movie after movie until we forced out like the Jurassic Trek cast.
To spawn more spin-offs than Jurassic Trek.
To talk Guano out of using the Saucer section as her next hat!
To avoid scantily clad green alien babes!
To spread political correctness to every corner of the galaxy!
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