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Pickhard's Haircut! Here is a scene that requires no parody or exageration - it does all the humor work itself!

Other Punchlines


These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition.

This week's winning punchlines were written by The Night Phantom. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions.

The Kai

Pickhard: I want it all back! The way it was!


Mot: Any particular style today, sir? Pickhard: Trim the bangs... What the hell do you think?!?!


Pickhard: You say "A little of the top?" and you'll never work on this ship again.

Mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Pickhard: Hurry up and make it snippy!


Mot: you have no hair, why bother? Pickhard: At least I'm in one piece!

Mouse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pickhard:Do you really think pointy sideburns will improve the ratings?!


Mot: I guess a little off the top is out? Pickhard: Haha. You're fired.


Mot: You have GOT to be kidding Pickhard: Shut up and Buff me.


Mot: May I ask who your last barber was? Pickhard: Check the unemployment list.


Picard: A little wax this time, the ambassadors couldn't see themselves last time

Shaun Harris

Mot: And you need me why?

Carl Boyett

"Pickhard: Just a little off the top." "Mot: alittle what of the top?"

Mouse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pickhard: Computer......... Engage itchy protocols!!

Mouse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pickhard:Alas poor Follic, I knew him well!!

1LT Harrison

Mot: A little off the top? Pickhard: A lot off your tip.


Pickhard: This time, without the blindfold

Lord Fledrinnian

Mot: You might have left me something to work with!

star princess

PICKHARD: Can you do something with my hair? MOT: Hell, I can't even find it!


Picard: Why do you always give unneeded advice? Mot: Why do you always get unneeded haircuts?


Pickhard: With skill and a scalp like that, you'll make captain one day!


Mot: Snip snip snip! Pickhard: Don't humor me! I know you're not really cutting!


Mot: Is this the writer's idea of a sick joke?


Pickhard: ... so Willing told me that Doyawanna overheard Heavily say to Measly that she thinks that his reputation in the fleet ... Mot: Tisk, tisk, tisk. Where is this universe going to these days?!

Capt K

MOT: Short back and sides, Captain? PICKHARD: Well, duh!

PICKHARD: Well, at least I have SOME hair!


Pickhard: You're sure this is what all the SevFleet captains are wearing these days?


Moat: Must you say "On screen" every time you look in my mirror?


Moat: I'm sorry, sir, but these scissors don't have a reverse setting.


Pickhard: That's a bit too much, Mr. Moot! Moot: But I haven't started yet!

Unka Woofie

Pickhard: "Just a little off the top, please." Mot: "Isn't that what started all of this?"

Ian Williams

Pickhard: Yes, yes! I realize the irony!!!

Richard Brooke

Mot: You can tell Piker he's not the only useless one any more.

Christopher Michael

Pickhard: I use conditioner, and it falls out. I comb it over, and it still falls out. The hairline must be drawn HERE!


Pikhard: "Hey! Watchit! You'll damage my deflector array!"

James Schmill "Puke"

Pickhard: "Flagship of the whole Sev Fleet and you don't have one bottle of Rogaine!?"


Mot: Hmmm...the bald hairdressing the bald.


PickHARD: No, I DON'T want a refund...

Cmdr. O'Conner

Mut: I can only take it off. I can't put it back.

Matt Nylin

Pickhard: Just a little off the top. Mot: Looks like somebody beat me to it!


Pickhard: Just a little off the top please. Mot: I'm a barber not a plastic surgeon.

Jeffrey Contompasis

Pickhard: Make it grow. Mot: I'm a barber, not a miracle worker.

mouse - Jeffries tube 32

Picard: I lost it in a temporal anomaly you know!!!


Pickhard: Why don't I ever hear the "snip, snip" sound?


Pickhard: Le's go for a little less off the top this time


Pickhard: There'll be no accidents this time, right? Mot: Hey, it isn't my fault you hit that asteroid!


Sorry, I thought you said "A LOT off the top..."

Allan Mills

I don't care what the fad on Bolia is.


Mot: I'm a stylist, not a miracle worker!


Mot: I've played air guitar before... but air barber?

Gul Duck

Mot: I'm a barber, not a terraformer


Pickhard: Just a little off the sides. Mot: You only HAVE a little on the sides.


Pickhard: Forget the scissors! Just give me a good spit shine.

Kevin Watts

Mot: Maybe you should try a comb over.

Kevin Watts

Mot: Done! Picard: Thank you, Mr Mot. I didn't feel a thing.

E of S

Pickhard:The usual please Mot:All done captain


Mole: Another usual, Captain? Pickhard: Yes, but this time, shave the PITS and TRIM the back and sides. NOT the other way around.


Mot: Captain, why did you choose me for ship's barber? Pickhard: You were the only candidate with less hair than me!

Erik Hollender

Picard: Now, make me look like Sisco, seasons 1-3!

John Lang

Pickhard: What are you waiting for? Mot: I don't know where to begin!

Mouse - Jeffries Tube 32

Mot:there's still a bored wire in here.......will I just leave it?....Pickhard:Can you dye it white?


Pickhard: Why are all my haircuts free? Mot: I don't cut anything!

Christopher Michael

Pickhard: Just PRETEND to do it, okay?

Christopher Michael

Mott: I'm a barber, not a neurosurgeon! I can't take any more off the top!


A bald man cutting hair. How ironic.

MOuse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pickhard:I'm getting a little Bored with this style!

ScottE Bemeup

P:How can I slow my hair loss? M:Well, lieutenant, try tugging something other than your hair. Perhaps your shirt.


Pickhard: How much will this cost? Mot: The trim is free. The skull buffing is 10 credits!

MOuse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pickhard:quality not quantity.....I say!

ScottE Bemeup

M:And what can I do for you today? P:Make it grow.


P:Take a little off the top. M: Already done!


Mot: So, what's up, baldy? Pickhard: "Just shut up and clip me."

MOuse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pichard:can't you reroute power or something?

MOuse - Jeffries Tube 32

Mot:Sorry I don't do hollowgraphic transplants!

MOuse - Jeffries Tube 32

Pickhard:Are you sure a pony tail is really me!!

MOuse - Jeffries Tube 32

Mot:pink highlights..are you sure?


Pickhard: Set scissors to stun!


Mot: You're lucky. I get paid per hair.

Stanley Lin

Mot: Looks like I'm too late.

The Great Wizzard

Mot: You are the last person I expected here, Captain. Pickhard: Just polish it!

Francis Miranda

Mot: What'll it be captain? Polish, shine, or buff?

Francis Miranda

Pickhard: A captaincy for you Mr. Mot if you can bring it all back!

Francis Miranda

Mot: Computer! One pair of tweezers!

Francis Miranda

Mot: Boy, do you make my job easier.


Mot: Activating follicular extrusion minimisers... Pickhard: Just get on with it!


pickhard: You must be the worst barber in Sevfleet. Mot: Captain Schidzo never complains!

Erik Hollender

Mot: Finally, a client I can relate to.


Pickhard: Make it grow

Cmdr. O'Conner

Pickhard: You're sure women go for this. Mut: Trust me.

Cmdr. O'Conner

Pickhard: I want a refund.

Cmdr. O'Conner

Pickhard: Don't cut it. I'm going for a comb-over.


Mot: Your Hair shrunk!


Picard: I said a LITTLE off the top!


Pickhard: A little off the top, please. Mot: Too late.


Now remember, Mott, just a *little* this time!


Pickhard: I'll have it all back again, thank you!

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