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The idea of a cartoon about Ensign Hairy always getting abducted or kidnapped was suggested by Francis Miranda (he also suggested the one about Guano's hat).
Sev Trek: The Comic Strip

The luckless Hairy Chin! Poor old Ensign Hairy - it seems that all the worst things happen to him. Sucked out of airlocks, genetically mutated by a bunch of DNA sucking babes, killed, abducted - it all happens to Hairy! Why? My theory is he's just too boring to use in character building episodes (oh, oh, I'm gonna attract some heat from Garret Wang fans now!)

Other Punchlines


These comics are created from the winning entries of The Write Your Own Sev Trek Competition. The winning entry was written by Sandbar. The punchline is a clever parody of Janeway's line, "We're Star Fleet. Weird is part of the job." I like it because it not only parodies Janeway's line, but also brings up the Trek phenomena of Ensign killing. This is one of those few entries that as soon as I read it, I knew it would be the winning punchline (the other probably being Ryan Turcotte's "Our brains shrunk"). Here are some of the other funniest entries...


I broke a mirror universe.


I'm an ensign. I take a lickin' and keep on tickin'

The Troll King

I gave Rick Berman a wedgie at the Christmas party.

Scott Martin

Not ALL the bad stuff, "Lizard Boy."

Lord Admiral C.A. Wagner

It's Basic Training for dating a Borg

Kevin Rudolph

You're just jealous that I get all the attention!


Well, I got the Borg babe, and you got the homosidal maniac. You figure it out.


What bad stuff? Anyway, I'm late for my scene in the malfunctioning Holodeck - see you later!

Adam Leonard

I'm just dying to get promoted!


I like being the center of attention!

Chris Cole

You're the token shmoozer, I'm the token loser!


Doesn't matter. It's still less painful than dating a Klingon...

Jack Dean

Chicks dig scars

Alycia "CyberCat" Shedd

I'm an ensign. It's in my job description.

Lars Ormberg

You're a womanizer, I'm a punching's my thing


Because nobody wants to abduct Kneelicks!

Lieutentant Saber

Because I'm the only ensign we have left.

Tyler Stevens

Even worse, it's never scripted!


If your personal life was as dull as mine, you wouldn't complain


A few dates with Bologna and you'll envy me!


I didn't send that chain letter to ten friends.

Rob Bos

Well... don't nose this around, but I get great insurance rates.

Scott Martin

At least my hairline isn't receding.

Danny Davids

Bad stuff? I'm dating Nine by SEV! WHOO-HOO!!
Sev Note: I haven't decided 7 of 9's Sev Trek name yet so I'll just use whatever you say. However, my favourite suggestion so far is 10 out of 10.

Jeffrey Contompasis

Because I'm considered the new Ensign Checkoff

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