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| The Sev Files: The Comic Strip Why Scummy and Mouldy never solve a case. This is such an obvious topic, I'm surprised I haven't tackled it earlier. Although Agents Scummy and Mouldy are obviously brilliant, intuitive and invariably have wild hunches that are always correct, they never seem to solve a Sev File! 
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| These comics are created from the winning entries of The Sci-Fi Competition - the winning punchline is chosen in the weekly IRC Judging Session (many thanks to Christina for running this week's session). The winning punchline was written by Mithandir. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all four competitions. Maria Spano
| Anytime we came close, they'd cut to a commercial break!!! Erik Hollender
| We solved alot in our BIG Budget movie. Hint, hint... Danielle
| Take it up with the scriptwriters. All we do is stand around looking gorgeous Merrick
| The MIB keep beating us to the punch Mark
| Hmmmm, another government coverup. Mark
| You want the truth? You can't handle the TRUTH! Mark
| Aliens ate our reports. Mark
| You hired us. You figure it out. Carloss
| Coz the truth aint all thats out there...look at him Kira Mae
| Call Unsolved Mysteries!! Muffy
| Plot B keeps getting in the way of Plot A Teresa L
| Give us the same budget the Men in Black have and we'll be in business connie
| Why work so hard, when you know your going to get paid anyway? Danielle
| We can't see anything in the dark rooms we're always in Danielle
| Puh-lease. We're too busy doing the whole sexual tension thing to solve cases Clive Choat
| In three words: We're goverment employees Muffy
| I'm too busy trying to keep Mouldy alive. Muffy
| You work with Mouldy and be able to solve a sev file Muffy
| My flaming red hair keeps giving us away at stakeouts. Muffy
| I thought this show was about aliens, romance, and conspiracies. It doesn't matter if we solve the cases Muffy
| The sev files are hard to concentrate on when Mouldy is making goo goo eyes at me. Antonio Perestrelo
| It's probably a government plot to make us look bad! Mithandir
| We leave the solution as an exercise to the viewer. Mithandir
| Smart people never solve anything, they just tell dumb people how easy it is. sHolmes
| Damnit, I'm a doctor, not a scriptwriter essayg
| You mean you don't believe the Loch Ness monster is a giant mutant space tadpole? essayg
| The ratings plummet if too much tension is resolved. joerg
| We're FBI - Federal Bureau of Incompetence chris
| We have... the truth is just too far out there! chris
| Mouldy thinks it's part of a vast government cover-up, but I say "weather balloon." Trekmaster
| Does the words "job security" mean anything to you? Michael Poteet
| One word, sir: syndication. Steve Jung
| We're still government workers. Mithandir
| Now look what you've done : he's got that weird look on his face again. Mithandir
| You tell us, you're the one that keeps taking us off the case. Mithandir
| We're government agents. Results aren't part of the job. Mithandir
| And thus a new sev file is born Patchwork
| We'll form a subcommitee and get right on that, sir! Anonymous
| You don't pay us enough. Shlamko (who is out there)
| The commercials are cutting our line of thinking! neilinoz
| What do you think this is? Millennium? neilinoz
| Like all government departments, we are in the business of creating work, not completing any. Brian Kendall
| We'll get right to work on that one. 123 of 124
| That question itself is a Sev File. Brian Kendall
| I don't think it was fair when you assigned us to find the meaning of 'sev.' Brian Kendall
| I don't see you helping. la
| Because we are too busy looking for Mulder's cell phone and gun. Standback
| Good question... We'll investigate the matter immediately! Amy
| Give us a break....you think it's easy keeping up this level of unresolved sexual tension! KaC
| Everytime we get somewhere you call us in here! Spiner
| That's the only thing FOX will censor! Spiner
| Who cares? We still get great ratings! ShaneS
| You ever TRIED to arrest an alien? ShaneS
| We get better ratings this way. sHolmes
| Chris has a thing about actually finishing an ep Muffy
| Because we can't give the veiwers too much information. Wade S.
| The villain cleverly gets away for follow up episodes.. Chop
| Duh- it's a government conspiracy! Riff
| Beats me. Why not make it into a sev file? Angu§ McLaren
| We do but I always give some logical scientific explanation for the case and it becomes a normal case! jdwiseman
| I really HAVE been doing my debunking job. Corsair
| Like the rest of the FBI is solving a lot of Crimes... Corsair
| Because the writers are "Out There" Too! Shlamko (who is out there)
| Even deep blue couldn't solve those cases! PeteMan
| We'll solve ALL of them in the final episode! ravenid
| We do but someone keeps taping over our evidence with porn. Benjumanji
| Because Mouldy *is* a sev file... Daki
| Federal agencies don't get results....they just spend spend spend. Shlamko (who is out there)
| I can see you never actually worked with my partner. weird boy
| We did once, but it was only a guy in a mask. evay
| Ask Mr. Writer-Director in the seat next to me! evay
| It's the whole "Moonlighting" thing again. Obi Jok Kenobi
| That's a Sev File in it's self sir. John Fallon
| Because if we did, the series and our paychecks would dry up in a nanosecond. Roget
| We have a contract with "Unsolved Mysteries" Petréa Mitchell
| Well, we are government employees. Petréa Mitchell
| The more seasons this show lasts, the higher our salaries get! Michael Shaw
| And spoil a perfect record? Erik Hollender
| All will be revealed on the series final. Erik Hollender
| What can I say? It's the government's fault. Erik Hollender
| Come again? There are answers to the X-Files? lindzee
| We were mistaken. The truth WASN'T out there. lindzee
| Ahem...the TWO of us are so smart? lindzee
| Maybe you were confused about the definition of "debunk?" Muffy
| You try running in 4 inch heels and keeping up with the escaping aliens. lindzee
| I think you'll find the answer in your ashtray, sir. Muffy
| You hired me to keep Mouldy from solving a sev file, and now you're complaining? Muffy
| At least we're consistent. lindzee
| HE keeps contaminating our green gooey specimens! flametop
| What? And end the series? Catie Bormann
| We did. No one belived the findings. Eomer
| We have. We are participating in a campaign of misinformation. Eomer
| They're unsolvable, and you ask that? Eomer
| We have. THEY only broadcast the ones we haven't. Eomer
| If we solved anything, the fans would stop watching. Jeremy
| He's like the truth... He's out there. Jeremy
| He keeps losing all the evidence. Jeremy
| Have YOU ever solved an X-File? CDR Soen
| Look who I'm saddled with!
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