Joseph Gatch
Judging by the smell in here, you are right!

Ronda
You humans are barely toilet trained.

Ronda Sexton
Men of all species forget to flush. Humans are not unique in this deficit.

James
Incorrect, Potty your dog can do it for you.

Dave Leigh
Not at all. But you COULD learn to put the seat back down.

Kyle Green
Blow It Out Your Air Lock

LeadHead
The one on C deck is all the evidence I need.

Jack Hammerfist
And you humans think you don't NEED to!

Jack Hammerfist
Then why the bulky suits?

Jack Hammerfist
Flush it? You can't even HIT it!

Jack Hammerfist
Don't be silly- we don't even think you're potty-trained!

spughy
It is not the flushing that concerns me so much as the aiming.

John Callahan
...and do you think you can keep your dog from drinking out of the bowl?

J.B. Gestl
You forgot to jiggle the handle again. Its still running.

Evan
And that's another thing.. do you think you can teach this dog to stop crapping in the turbolift?

fgj
Theres a funny smell in here, and it aint the dog

PJ in NH
At least I didn't bring a dog into space without first wondering how to get rid of his waste!

thanatos
Smelling is believing.

Juan Deer
Well, we did need to give you shipboard gravity first.

Dan Finnegan
I assure you, we're overestimating you

Shane Tourtellotte
That, and putting the lid back down.

Ross Glenn
Well, you DID forget to have them installed...

Cryopaul
Well with the way you all smell we can't help it

Kevin Siu
Velcron toilets are more sophisticated than your starship.

Heiwa
Flush it? You can't even find the john, John.

chris miles
We simply believe in avoiding "worst contact" situations

StrikeFalcon
Velcrons do not use toilets. We use litter boxes.

StrikeFalcon
I didn't say 'flush,' I said 'put the seat back down!'

RadGfx
We were wrong. It was easier to train a dog.

RadGfx
It only because you humans cannot fit into a catsuit without removing those diapers.

RadGfx
We only recommended biohazard signs.

MindMelda
It's a relief to know that you're housebroken. Unlike the dog.

Rob Perkins
And you wonder why we have to use nasal desensitizers!

Mira
You mean you're housebroken?

Denise Guidry
No, we're merely chagrined by the fact that human males so frequently don't.

Eric Beyer
Let's just say I found your last 'log entry' a little less than inspiring

AP
Your dog seems to use the floor just fine.

Bluejay
That's not true. We have full confidence in your ability to flush everything down the toilet.

Mark Hunter
Actually we are just worried you head out into space without washing your hands first

J
You couldn't, you made it overflow remember!

Tony Sutcliffe (actually it's Mary)
Well you don't seem to be able to put the seat down without being reminded!

Haesan
You make me wear this stupid outfit and put me in gratuitous rubdown scenes; how smart can you be?

hfw
We Velcrons take everything literally. Give me your co-ordinates and I'll beam your human waste down.

Danthalas
Your analogy is crude - but accurate.

Griffin
You still have trouble building them on your starships.

Latin From Manhattan
You humans have been complaining like this ever since we Velcrons helped you build a better toilet!

Kev, son of Sort...of
Frankly Captain, you would need long range sensors to simply FIND the toilet.

trekkie709
Well it did take human males 150 years to learn to put the seat down!

Bryan Kuhl
You humans can't even take the blame for your own farts!

Syr
Judging from the stench left over from the last time I did not accompany you...

Capt. Robert Leu, USS Phoenix
If you could boldly go without leaving the seat up, we'd have more faith in you!

couverthie
We used to have an open mind but our brains kept falling out.

D man
New sevships are bound to have a few bugs.

Timmy
You mean the toilet stories were TRUE?!?!

Jack Hammerfist
Dogs need CLEAN water!

Jack Hammerfist
Logic follows evidence!

Lt Commander Wagstaff
Funny, Twit wasn't complaining!

RMS Oceanic
This, from someone who lets unquarrantined animals run loose?

CovertHamster
It's washing the hands that I worry about.

George Washington
This information is classified but, that is really the only reason I'm here.

Kira
At least you don't have to take this catsuit off every time.

Kira
At least YOUR uniforms are easy to get out of.

Kira
You think I can use a toilet dressed like this?

Kira
Jettisoning your toilet doesn't count.

Kira
Just Twit - he tried to pee out the cargo bay door.

Ted Rebo, Inc.- A division of Ted Rebo, Ltd.
Of course you could. You just neglected to put them aboard your starships.

Ego Atenji
So why is it they're so well hidden here?

Latin From Manhattan
*Ahem* Who sent his dog out first to find a tree on our first away mission?

Lord Fledrinnian
Flushing, yes. Wiping, no.

Lord Fledrinnian
No, I think you can "handle" it.

Lord Fledrinnian
Is that why you appear so flushed?

Lord Fledrinnian
Why should we tamper with the "seat" of your intelligence?

EvilDevil
Then stop doing it while we are at warp!

Buckwheat
Why do you think I was assigned as the Enterforaprize bathroom attendant?

Captain Randolph (Back at Last)
Get a grip Archer. Flush toilets went out centuries ago.

Mammakins
Yes, well, it only took your WHOLE team of engineers to figure that out!

Mammakins
You still can't - you morons activated the exterior hatch instead

Mammakins
Well, when you boldly have to go, you boldly have to go!

Jo
Your 'Velcron Sarcasm' training has improved. You will be able to hold intelligent conversations soon.

lisi
fascinating! the first logical sentence from your species. computer - make a red mark in the calendar!

Jo
There's an old Velcron saying: 'Waste not, want not.'

Mr. Matt
You "flush" your toilets? How...quaint.

Mr. Matt
Only the male of the species

RMS Oceanic
Toi-let? Oh, the ancient technology which we used 5,000 years ago when we were emotinal and really, REALLY inferior.

RMS Oceanic
Or open a door. Or tie your laces. Or do a zip. Or breathe properly. Or do anything we can do on our own.

RMS Oceanic
Congratulations! You've reached Stage 1 - Admitting You're inferior.

cyberconch
Then why is there cling wrap on my seat?

Kira
Do you think I'd come on a ship where nobody flushed the toilets?

Kira
Actually, we didn't let you into space until we were sure you could.

KIra
This from the species that can't even invent automatic doors.

Spook's daughter
So you've finally mastered the art of flushing have you!?

jenny
What is up with you and the poop questions..

Scott
Millions of upturned seats can't be wrong.

Kelli
Well, your gender can't put the seat down. What am I supposed to think?

Jim
We never invented those. Why do you think we're so uptight?

Mark lula
I know, we need to help you wipe as well.

Jack Hammerfist
My exact words were "could you please flush?"

Jack Hammerfist
It's no bed of roses for me either!

Jack Hammerfist
We don't need toilets since our business doesn't stink!

Jack Hammerfist
Then why is the "Captain's log" in the bathroom?

Jack Hammerfist
Two possibilities: you are unable to flush; you are unwilling to flush!

Kent Backman
Right, lesson number one, close the seat when you leave.

Bobby
That's the big button on top of the tank...right?

Bobby
Hey, I have you guys in action, trust me when I say you aren't the sharpest tools in the box

Bobby
Mentioning toilets huh, that's a first.

Latin From Manhattan
Not since we helped you redesign your toilets after First Contact.

Mark
Again, you show your readiness to explore space.

MindMelda
That reminds me, Toilet Flushing 101 in two hours.

shlomo
I know you think your clever inventing the toilet seat, but we had to remind you to put the hole in.

RMS Oceanic
Careful now. We don't want any arguments until the 5th Episode, remember?

RMS Oceanic
Well, you humans are...are...uh, Illogical! Hah! Beat that one Mister Smarty Pants!

RMS Oceanic
You spend so much time house training your dogs, and you forget to train yourself.

Bj
It's not our fault that humans get constipated

John Butler
The "Flush" lever you pulled yesterday jettisoned the contents of Cargo Bay 4.

RMS Oceanic
Then why can't you clean up after your dog?

RMS Oceanic
Next, you'll be blaming your problems on Sevspace!

Captain Delis Briggs
Of course we think you can, we just find your form of waste disposal....primitive.

RMS Oceanic
You use zips and you're complaining about US?

RMS Oceanic
And you humans can't even control time travel without having to do a good deed.

Sheas
The first logical phrase from your species

Edgelett
You can't. You just flushed the warp drive.

Mike Howell
Well, I *did* draw you a diagram

MechaGojira - the robo-godzilla
You can flush them, but you can't find them!

MechaGojira - the robo-godzilla
Live long, and lift the seat!

Kevin
Actually Captain, I've been meaning to bring up the REAL reason I've been getting these nasal injections...

Kevin
I just spent three hours cleaning up Engineering, Captain. Get some newspaper for you engineer

Ambassador_Star
If the EARMUFFS fit....

Cmdr. Solomon
I'm not the one who nearly blew up the ship while trying to flush the toliet yesterday.

Ambassador_Star
It's the Velcron motto, "Don't hate me 'cause I'm superior."

Ambassador_Star
I'll answer that after I decide whether to be smug or snide.

Ambassador_Star
Well I trained this dog, I SUPPOSE you can learn too.

Alex L.
brave words, ive heard them before... from thousands of species, over thousands of worlds, long before you even used diapers, but now... they can all go alone

Kira
Why do you think Sevfleet insisted I come along?

Kira
Tentpole "IDIC: Instructions Delivered to Incompetent Captains."

Sion
Well you still haven't mastered putting the seat down...

Art DeBuigny
*sniff* I see that I'll have to add that to my 'to do' list.

Art DeBuigny
Your statement is illogical. One must posses a toilet in order to flush a toilet!

Art DeBuigny
That explains why there are none onboard.

MindMelda
Toilet humor... it is a difficult concept.

MindMelda
I'm still insisting on separate bathrooms.

Mammakins
Well, you certainly couldn't get the pilot episode off the ground by yourselves, now, could ya!

shlomo
It seems you still need help remembering to do up your zip

Kevin
You humans would miss without our help.

Johnny Cool
Speaking of Flush, Where's your 3 SeaShells

Elf
Think about it. We could teach you how to make really smooth toilet paper...

Elf
You still flush them?

RMS Oceanic
So that's why you just transplode it into space.

Alex Cain
That explains all the boldly going where no one has gone before!

Alex Cain
That's a first contact I'd rather not see!

RMS Oceanic
We were speaking in Velcron speak. What we really mean twas 'Turn that damn music off, Cochrane!'

RMS Oceanic
Did I say flush? I meant use.

Kristin Johnson
Or remember to leave the toilet seat down.

Haesan
Untrue - we think that you humans couldn't flush a toilet without our help and step-by-step instructions.

Haesan
Actually, we still don't have any REAL proof that you even HAVE toilets on your vessels.

Cmdr. Solomon
You didn't complain when "helped" with the detox gel!

Kent
On the contrary, that is one of the few things you are good at.

D'Tora
If the plotlines are any indication, your waste extraction system does require more efficient operation.

James Teale
Must you be tasteless as well as illogical?

Ooooh, my head!
Well, shouting 'torpedoes away!' in the toilet doesn't help.

Ooooh, my head!
So maybe now isn't a good time to point out the difference between the toilet and the torpedo tubes...?

Ooooh, my head!
Well, you think Zephyr Cockroach represents the height of human intellect. What do you expect?

Kindrea
Please do not make me call a brown alert and cancel the mission.

Kindrea
You are suggesting we would actually like to help?

Kindrea
At least you've got over the idea of doing it out of the windows.

Ooooh, my head!
So that's why you 'boldly go where no-one has gone before'?

Ooooh, my head!
You humans still have flush toilets? In zero gravity, that is most illogical!

Ooooh, my head!
Well, at least the toilet isn't near the 'sweet spot'!

Morgan
Believe me, theres room for improvement.

Shannon Dybvig
Why do you think we have a "yellow" alert?

Kira
Tentpole: Potty mouth

Florian Bender
And judging by the smell in here, we're right!

John D. Coughlan
Whoa, whoa! Are we allowed to say that?

chrifgo
So tell me, do they flush clockwise in space?

Kent Backman
Correct, since this is the first ship, with a toilet.

Mammakins
We kee p this up, you'll flush this storyline right down as well!

Pizman
Is that why you've opted for the "handle" option rather than voice-recognition?

Bill Harris
Actually, we tend to think that humans couldn't USE a toilet without our help.

Mark
Actually, we are amazed you have toilets.

Mark
Fine. You flush and I'll control the starship.

Mark
I was referring to wiping, not flushing.

EvilDevil
Then why did you not push the proper buttons and levels before flushing? There are only 23 of them...

EvilDevil
Things wouldn't be so complicated if you humans read the manual... of 317 pages of proper waste disposal.

jdwiseman
Should I mention the sewage incident at the first leadership conference?

jdwiseman
I've seen your toilets. You have no argument.

MindMelda
Flush them, most human males can't even hit them!

MindMelda
We don't even touch our FOOD with our hands!

Rabbit
We also think you can't have a successful series without a skin-tight catsuit.

Allronix
Well, judging from how often you take the dog out for a walk...

Edward
Now you know why we never see restrooms on ships

Andy
Aren't the built into your suits like mine. (Frrp)

Unforgiven
In this suit, I can't even go to the toilet without help.

Latin From Manhattan
Of course not! Why do you think we designed these flight suits with extra-absorbent padding in the rear?

Eric
Well, I didn't think all the "wooshing" noises I hear are the warped drive.

Eric
Perhaps you can, but you need us to unclog them.

Eric
When not in use, shields stay down and seats stay up.

Eric
I just wish you wouldn't use the seat as a "deflector".

ScottE Bemeup
The women of your own species think that too.

Eric
But we think you should clean them all by yourselves.

Eric
Captain, I aim to please, so you aim too, please.

Eric
You exceed in flushing. It's your targeting that is suboptimal.

Dial "M" for Maul
How many humans does it take to flush a toilet?

Eric
There are places where "ready, fire, aim" is not the logical approach.

Dial "M" for Maul
Down the hall on the left. No need to thank me.

Dial "M" for Maul
In Starfleet tradition, we left Spacedock without tractor beams, med staff, and toilets.

Dial "M" for Maul
It appears you have difficulty "aiming your phasers

Dial "M" for Maul
You have yet to master the fine art of leaving the seat down

Dial "M" for Maul
The discovery of these "toilets" is our new 5 year mission

Dial "M" for Maul
You do seem to have problems replacing the roll...

Nodrog_CRC
Actually, we think you'd forget to install them entirely without our help.

Jo
It's a primitive concept but I can train your entire crew.

Jo
When I said that humans have a lot to learn I did mean from the bottom-up!

Nodrog_CRC
Captain, I was suggesting paper training for your DOG.

Nodrog_CRC
Actually, I'm here to complain about your leaving the toilet seat up.

Bill Harris
It certainly explains the smell.

Jo
Toilet flushing 101 is scheduled for tomorrow.

Ann E. Nichols (That's what happens if we're in too big a hurry to notice the seat's up, guys)
Any species where the males don't care if the females fall into the toilet...

Ann E. Nichols
Speaking of toilets, keep your dog away from my boots.

Ann E. Nichols
No, but your females have told me about the "seat up" problem.

Ann E. Nichols
It certainly took you long enough to invent ones that flush.

§Sean§
I would if I could *find* one on this ship!

§Sean§
which is why i have nasal implants

roman
btw, that remind me.. where is your dog doing its things?

Agent-D
Oh boy, do I get a bad feeling about this line of questioning?

Agent-D
Strange, when I last caught you in there, all you could say was "oh boy"

Joona Palaste
Well you didn't try to prove us wrong, did you?

Spook's daughter
You just answered your own question

Spook's daughter
We don't have to, they're automatic.

The Great Wizzard
If this bugs you, why don't you remove all toilets in future ships?

Captain Skree
Guess where I found the Captain's Log?

John Butler
We're the only ones who know where they are.

RMS Oceanic
I was talking about the dog, but now you mention it...

RMS Oceanic
Will this end in 'Toilet' Humour, sir?

The Great Wizzard
Instructions: (1) Grab handle (2) Pull handle (3) Release handle

The Great Wizzard
Advise: too much toilet paper clogs them

Leander
Yes and we also know you can't find them without our help.

Nick "Naraht" Frame
Please, a number of humans can't even make it that far...

Nick "Naraht" Frame
You still use toilets?

Alex Cain
That's because humans are so anal retentive.

Trinity
the way it smells around here only supports that thesis.

Eric
As long as you only flush one script at a time, you'll do fine on your own.

Eric
No, and we know how many of you it takes to change a light bulb, too.

Eric
No one was happier than I on the day you were potty trained.

Eric
We potty trained a thousand species before you humans came along.

Eric
Yes, and I can help you get rid of that potty-mouth, too!

Spook's daughter
I guess we had to start with the basics...

Spook's daughter
No, surprisingly you worked that one out yourselves

Spook's daughter
No, the computer helps you with that

Gregory Griffiths
Shut up and flush it!

The Penguin Weekly
Yes . . . now Chucker and I have an appointment in the decon room.

The Penguin Weekly
You're the ones who needed help from the future in order to warp off your planet.

The Penguin Weekly
Yes, hence my nasal injections.

The Penguin Weekly
Who's the one who showed you where the zipper on your suit was?

The Penguin Weekly
Which is why it has taken your 150 years to build a warped 5 engine.

The Penguin Weekly
I know! And now I'm flying on one of your ships!

The Penguin Weekly
I'm surprised you didn't need help saying that sentence.

The Penguin Weekly
Remember who potty trained you, Captain.

Londo
We also think it's dumb to bring pets into space.

JC
That would explain why you never have them on your sevships!