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Sev Trek - Round 287



G - COHESION is Futile

Gainweight: I don't know if I should call a DOCTOR, or a mechanic.

Gainweight: Let's see how you GET out of this one! Queen: No problem! I'm still under warranty.

G: Need a HAND? Q: Amongst other parts, yes.

G: Get a HOLD of yourself. Don't fall to pieces. Q: Oh, I'm just cracking up!

G: I always did like JIGSAW puzzles.....

Gainweight: I'll give you a MOMENT to compose yourself.

G: Ha! The secret PATHOGEN in my bloodstream is destroying you! Q: Curse you! The collective can't handle this much caffeine!

G: Looks like someone has a few SCREWS loose

Gainweight: Great! SPARE parts for Ten! Queen: Over my dead body... oh, never mind...

Gainweight: That's what you get for TRYING to assevilate someone with creaking joints.


Sci-Fi - Round 192



She's my type-- AB negative!

She's a woman AFTER my own heart!

After Droolzilla, I needed some new BLOOD...

One way or the other, she GOES for the heart.

I heard she likes OLDER men

Can't you SEE that it's my heart that's at stake

It's required to get your own SPINOFF!

The last vampire who did it got his own SHOW!

She STAKED a claim on my heart.

UNTIL she puts a stake in my heart, it's hers!


The Pits - Round 323



Piquant nose, with a pleasant AFTERTASTE.

In this APARTMENT, that counts as an air freshener!

I think i just found out how to get rid of that "new CHAIR" smell!

COMPLIMENTS to the chef.

Woah! That completely COVERS up the B. O.!

EAU du Baked Beans !

Ah, full-bodied with a HINT of garlic!

I take PRIDE in my work.

That should kill those RATS

I love when I get my SECOND wind!

Well everyone's gotta have a TALENT.

Ah, a TANGY aroma with a light, yet crisp, aftertaste.

Wow, I don't remember eating THAT.


Twist - Round 273



"AMATEURS!"

Hey, I've got a bad BACK, okay?

Geeze, I'm BEAT. Well, see you back at the hill!

Eat my DIRT!

FOUR times your own weight? Suckers!

The Queen didn't say HOW we had to transport it!

Who's KING of the ant hill now?

MOCK me if you must, but I get results.

You are so OBSOLETE!

It's time you started PULLING 10 times your own weight around here!

SIX wheels beats six legs any day.

Work SMARTER--not harder!

We professionals can TRANSPORT one hundred times our weight!

UNDERACHIEVERS!


Sunday - Round 12



H: Are you CRAZY?! W: You need 6 spoons for that effect.

H: 4 spoons of coffee!?? W: Yep, I'm CUTTING back.

H: You're supposed to add water! W: And DILUTE the caffeine?

H: That'll probably KILL you! W: At least I won't die in my sleep!

H: Did the water even MIX properly?!! W: Water???

H: That's totally NUTS! W: Beans, Herman.

H: 4 spoons of coffee? Why not the whole tin? W: I'm RELAXING today.

H: And what happens when it runs out? W: I'll grab some SLEEP.

H: You can't possibly drink that! W: No, the SMELL is strong enough.

H: You didn't even put water in that cup! W: I'm tired, not THIRSTY.

H: 4 spoons of coffee!?! W: The TIN ran out.



These punchlines are the finalists of The Pits, Twist, Sev Trek, Sci-Fi and Sunday Comps. The winning punchline is decided on the #sevtrek IRC Channel. Make sure you read the IRC Judging Rules before the Judging Session.

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