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The Pits - Round 163

Here are the best punchlines submitted in Round 163 of the Write Your Own Pits Competition.

This week's winning punchline was written by Quip. You can read the transcript of the IRC session where we decided the winner of all the Toon Zone competitions.



William Mae
Raoul, smaoul, what's your point.

Standback
All I cared about was the entertainment value.

anya
That's the problem: I don't.

TJD
My chair would have gotten cold

connie
If you cared, you would have kept Raoul on a leash!

LtJg Hejira Hayes
Did I use the word 'care'?

D. Spieles
This is no time for jokes!

Lily
When MY ex-fiancee beat up Herm, I was there right to the end.

MindMelda
It's bad karma to mess with destiny!

anya
Whatever for?

Flashdancer
I tried to, but Hermanīs head kept smacking Raouls fist.

connie
Nothing personal, I just care more about my hair.

connie
I may have been just sitting on the couch, but at least I was there!! Where were you??

connie
It was all over before my movie had a commercial break!

The Chia Rhino
And show I care?

Apple
I'm a blamer, not a fighter!

Mr. Shadow
I'm REALLY lazy

Puke
I could'nt let wayne watch the T.V. all alone.

8 of 12
I thought about it. It's the thought that counts!

connie
Look toots, I dont mess up this hair for anybody!!!

connie
Who do you think cleaned up all the blood!?

connie
I was wearing my good shirt that day.

connie
Oh, I thought Herman needed to learn a lesson about women for himself!

Quip
I would have, but if I risked these looks women would never forgive me!

Quip
These looks aren't insured, honey!

Quip
And endanger the one I love?

Avenger CO
He used my frequent miles on the medivac.

Quip
Who do you think suggested Raoul take off the glasses first?

Quip
Hey, I've beat up a nerd or two in my time!

Hector F
I'm allergic to pain

TJD
I'm getting there...

Mark
I couldn't hear him over the TV.

Mark
And risk my modeling career?

Mark
Raoul was doing fine.

Joseph
Violence is a spectator sport.

Joseph
What, and miss my soaps?!

Cordavin Lon
Contrary to belief, bruises do NOT increase sex appeal.

Hanover Fisk
Raoul didn't need help.

MindMelda
Hey I'm just here to class up the place!

Standback
Hey - I sacrificed two minutes of Baywatch to call 911!

Standback
When did I say I cared?

Pankin
Hey, I rather be standing here then lying there

Mark Gallagher
If you had hair as good as mine, you wouldn't want it mussed either!

Will Etienne
Unfortunatly I've got a glass jaw baby.

MindMelda
Do you have to make him feel more pitiful than he already is?

Drew
What? And risk damaging this face?

Siriusly not
I thought that with him out of the way we could... you know.

Siriusly not
I did... who do you think has been changing the chanels??

Siriusly not
I drove him here! Ambulances are so expensive.

Siriusly not
Hey!!! Good point. Bye Herman.

Michael Bunnell
It was fun to see him get pounded.

STJourney
Why? I might have hurt poor Raoul.

Griffin
I had to provide emotinal suport for Wayne.

Cassandra
And risk messing up the hair ? Puh-lease.

Qui-Gone Gin
I care about MY health!

Qui-Gone Gin
And be in his place?

Qui-Gone Gin
I didn't want to get off the couch.

Qui-Gone gin
Are you free Saturday evening?

Qui-Gone Gin
'Cause I don't care...

Qui-Gone Gin
Why? He's not MY boyfriend!

Qui-Gone Gin
I couldn't I was eating popcorn!

Qui-Gone Gin
Hey, I just had a manicure!

Puke
Hey! I'm a busy man, baby.

Puke
I don't control the commercial breaks baby.

The Crazy Zonie
And loose the $50 I had on Raoul?

The Crazy Zonie
We let Herman wear him out first.

Riff
Who am I? His girlfriend?

Flashdancer
I really tried, but I was glued to the TV.

Flashdancer
Itīs a nerds destiny to get beaten and nobody helps him!

TJD
Give me a chance and I will. You free tonight?

Commander
I can hold my own.

Nobody
I was going to block the punches, but Hermans face was already doing such a good job...

Nobody
I am! I'm blaming you FOR him.

Jazzy
I wanted to see if they added Eggs Benedict to the menu here

Ria
I didn't know, the TV was too loud

Ria
If you can't keep your gorilla under control, who am I to try then?

Ria
I gave mental support...

Ria
What? And get myself all beaten up?

Ria
I coached

Ria
Never on a good hairday

lisa_myworld @hotmail.com
Because otherwise it would be US lying in that bed.

Brian
There was a good fight on TV.

Cyber-Garfield
What? And mess up my hair?!?

Brian
Who said I care SO much?

Brian
I'm only good with punch LINES.

Brian
Herman likes to lose his own battles.

Brian
It wasn't a situation that required charm.

Quip
Who do you think called the ambulance?

Shlamko
I don't. I just love to blame.

MindMelda
Define help!

FD
I did. I held his glasses for him.

mgeoffrey
I DID. I Helped him learn a lesson.

Chill2014
We make a team, good looks and brains. Guess who got which.

Flashdancer
He, letīs not change the topic, okay?

Flashdancer
Why? He didnīt want to beat up ME!

John Zieman
And let Raoul mess with my looks?

8 of 12
This was something he needed to learn himself!

8 of 12
I helped him emotionally!

8 of 12
At least I was there! Not for him, but there at least!

8 of 12
Hey, the TV doesn't watch itself!

Shlamko
Hey! I've been cheering him up!

Kapil
Can't you see what Raoul did to him?

Cameron Mason
I could have been injured.

M
And risk hurting this pretty face! you must be crazy

AndieX
But I was! I was watching TV so I coould tell him about it later! That way he didn't miss anything!

gD
Raoul never asked me to.

Riff
And ruin my nails?

Quip
We thought he was just expressing his feelings.

Quip
We've come to expect things like this.....

Quip
By the time the ads came on it was over!

Quip
Hey, I called 911!

Quip
If I had helped him anymore you'd be MARRIED by now!

Quip
I would have, but Wayne gave me 2:1 odds on Raoul!

Quip
Raoul's not my type!

Quip
I think I've done enough already!

Quip
Who do you think called the ambulance?

Quip
I didn't care THAT much!

Quip
I could care less! I just enjoy making people feel guilty.

Quip
I never involve myself in domestic squabbles.

Quip
It's MY fault you left Raoul!

Quip
Please, I have ENOUGH trouble with jealous boyfriends!

Quip
Wayne was closer!

Quip
A man has to have his priorities....

Quip
My chin may be heroic, but that's as far as it goes!

Quip
Plausible deniability!

Quip
Who said I cared?

Quip
I would, but I had just combed my hair!

Quip
You don't take chances with THIS face for ANYONE!

Mark
I was until I heard that horrible crack!

Mark
I called the ambulance.

Mark
What, and be in here with him?

Mark
I'm a lover, not a fighter.

Mark
And take away his moment of glory?

Mark
We cheered him on.

JC
Hey, I am here, aren't I?

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Round 162 Round 164

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