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All Twist Punchlines

Here are all punchlines submitted in the Twist Cartoon Competition. Also check out the Twist Punchlines of the Day and Funniest Twist Punchlines. Sevnote - the average rating for this week's comp is 2.43. To improve your punchlines' ratings, avoid rehashing previous punchlines.


Rating Punchline

Tim Monti Wohlpart 4.4 Red would prove to Animal Planet and the whole world that he could be every bit as menacing as any crocodile.

Mark 4.0 Yet another Ruin It Yourself project.

assassin 3.8 Swiss Trees!

ChocJones 3.8 Some of the less constructive methods of construction.

Gregory Griffiths 3.7 Woody took the term "Knock on wood" a little *too* literally.

assassin 3.7 The principle was sound but Woody would have to wait for clockwork to be invented.

Kane Slasher 3.7 Woody was sick and tired of her changing her mind where she wanted the door !

Angela 3.5 Woodpeckers with static cell phones.

TOFFEE 3.5 The ornithological form of backchat.

ChocJones 3.5 Here we witness the events leading to the final act of the mating ritual -the divorce.

Kane Slasher 3.3 Woody had to make room, for her parents were moving in.

assassin 3.3 How many holes would a Woody-Wood hole if a Woody-Wood would hole holes?

jo 3.3 His customer complained that his construction expertise was looking rather cheesy.

Napaelšin 3.3 Woody lost a bet to a nature photographer.

Paul 3.3 Tim, this is the last time I let you do any home-improvement work!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 3.3 Early bird gets the worm. Then has the rest of the day to goof off.

Teki 3.3 Woody reckons deforestation will create a niche market for tree condos in the near future.

Tyrrogan 3.3 No, I DON'T know where you left the keys!

Joona Palaste 3.2 Some ancient bird tribes had holey trees instead of holy trees.

assassin 3.2 Woody was told to "Knock it off!" in a voice that could only be described as 'timbre'

origin 3.2 Woody was being treated for obsessive compulsive disorder

shark lady 3.0 social housing project; population pressure hits woods

T.J Force IX 3.0 Ironicly, he was building a site for Woodpeckaholics Annomyus meatings.

Tyrrogan 3.0 DIY woodpecking disasters.

Eric 3.0 Woodward eventually had to pay a hefty fine for subdividing his tree without a permit.

TOFFEE 3.0 How to serenade when you've got larangytis.

wisefool 3.0 When Red began to wonder if feng shui was a wise career choice.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 3.0 Pinky asked Red to leave, but there were plenty of holes in that argument.

Kane Slasher 3.0 Woody installed the airconditioner himself.

Leander 3.0 Having lost his sense of what was horizontal or vertical, Tweety couldn't find any worms.

tez 3.0 Red was a real home-wrecker

Wicked_Willow_Wicca 3.0 Woody gives a new meaning to beating his wood

Napaelšin 3.0 Sponsored by Discovery Channel.

assassin 3.0 Thelma was forever nagging Trevor to build another extension

assassin, shamelessly stealing a Volvo ad 3.0 All they need now is the family.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 3.0 Pecking order wouldn't be questioned again for several years.

ScottE Bemeup 3.0 Shirley's plan to superglue Bob's beak to the tree finally worked.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 3.0 Red fancied himself a ruin-it-yourselfer.

Horrace the Cat in "Monkey Business" 3.0 Holy tree, Batman!

Kane Slasher 2.8 Those damn Sevcell batteries !

dutchrheeren 2.8 Woodpecker females can lay up to six eggs each time - courtesy of National Geographic Channel.

ScottE Bemeup 2.8 Quit knocking on my door! I'm not buying!

Lobster 2.8 This is the story of a very hyperactive woodpecker, who lived a sad and terrible live, until he got this job at the flute factory...

Napaelšin 2.8 Official testing of the Woodpecker cider.

Napaelšin 2.8 An airhead's home tree.

Gregory Griffiths 2.8 Woody felt that it was either this method, or the chainsaw method.

flametop 2.8 That's it! I'm calling the cat!

Lara Croft 2.8 Domestic Violience - it gets everywhere

alex 2.8 Drive-by wood-peckerings

spocky_zero 2.8 "How many times do I have to knock before you'll answer me!?"

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.8 What Pinky's home lost in structural soundness, was gained in acoustical quality.

Lara Croft 2.8 When DIY's go wrong...

Eric 2.8 Woody finally stopped pecking when Wilma explained that their tree was no longer up to code.

jonpepsi 2.8 After hearing of a cheese with several holes, Peter thought it would be a good idea to try it on trees.

Lara Croft 2.8 Stress relieving - the bird way

The Great Wizzard 2.8 Woody set a new overtime world record -- all to keep away from his wife as long as possible

The Great Wizzard 2.8 The woodpecker's just couldn't agree where to build the mother-in-law apartment

The Great Wizzard 2.8 Behind every great man is his wife -- nagging him to work harder and harder

Leander 2.8 One flew east, and one flew west and one complained about the cuckoo's nests.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.8 Pinky liked doughnuts. Red preferred the holes.

Mosaic 2.7 "Lay off the coffee, would you?!?"

Mark 2.7 You aren't Swiss, by chance?

aussietrekker 2.7 Are you stuck again? I am not helping you this time!!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.7 It was dinnertime, but Red was feeling peckish.

Angela Ehrlich 2.7 He shouldn't have had the extra sap that morning.

jo 2.7 Woody's wife complained that he took the easy way out to air condition their home.

Kane Slasher 2.7 Watch out for the electric wires will you !

MindMelda 2.7 The red headed woodpecker in her natural habitat, the high-rise.

ptarmigan2 2.7 The woodpecker was inspired by the contemporary huge-window corporate buildings.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.7 It hadn't occurred to Red that flying was one way to burn off stress.

Napaelšin 2.7 You'll buy the windows!

johnnyb 2.7 Hey quit trying to blow a tune out of my home!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.7 French doors were a great idea, in theory.

ScottE Bemeup 2.7 I knew I shouldn't have married a head banger.

ScottE Bemeup 2.7 There you go again. Hiding in the basement making lots of noise.

Kane Slasher 2.7 Woody did what Woody was born to do only he didn't know when to stop !

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.7 Pinky knew she shouldn't have hung up on the aluminum siding salesman.

b 2.7 He could never find his front door, so the easiest thing was to make another.

Leander 2.6 New forrest apartment construction deafens local birds.

Latin From Manhattan 2.6 That's it, I'm putting you on decaf! We don't need any more additions!!!

Committee for CAPTION contests 2.6 "Make sure that one hole gets speech-bubble shaped to draw the SPOKEN punchline in!!!"

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.6 He's a backdoors man.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.5 Frank Lloyd Flight's newest vision.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.5 The appearance of a vaulted ceiling is all the rage in the bird world.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.5 When bird population spirals out of control.

Matthew D. Wilson, aka Powers 2.5 It was just as she'd suspected -- a Pecking Tom!

MindMelda 2.5 No wonder I bought this condo so cheap!

ScottE Bemeup 2.5 Do you have anything in a square?

Napaelšin 2.5 Home demolishment - cheaper then decor.

erik 2.5 Guess Twist has gone to the birds.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.5 Red wanted to make it real easy for cats to climb up and eat him.

Ann E Nichols 2.5 Mother called again. Make one for second cousin Nitpecker!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.5 Bay windows, without the bay. Or the windows.

cic 2.4 one way to destroy rainwood's economie.

Maria Moffett 2.4 6,7,8... make it 8 rooms Hal, we got another one.

Rel 2.4 There was a definate pecking order in the place...

Leander 2.4 Bird devision Ikea no success.

John Dumbrille 2.3 "And another thing. I'm sick and tired of you bringing your work home with you."

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.3 Red had an extra cup of coffee.

joey 2.3 Woody wants to have a very large family.

Eric 2.3 Every time you go off your "Obsessive Pecking Disorder" medication, we have to find another tree!

Guybrush Threepwood 2.3 Holy tree trunks

Jason Buffalo 2.3 Mating Season

Eric 2.3 Woody learned that haste makes waste when Wilma scolded him for eliminating all the privacy from their home.

Eric 2.3 Woody thought he was helping until Wilma explained that "chick-proofing" their house would now be a nightmare.

Cmdr. Solomon 2.3 Low-Budget Government Housing is for the Birds

Tony Q 2.3 A 12-room skyscraper

ScottE Bemeup 2.3 Excedrin Headache Number #37

aussietrekker 2.3 I have head of the pecking order in life - but this ridiculous!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.3 Red was proud of his work. For it was all carved from wood.

Corsair 2.3 ...and the Hen kept him pecking..

Jason Buffalo 2.3 Air Conditioning

Frank Monaco 2.3 We're all so sick of your "hole-ier than thou" attitude!

Corsair 2.3 When the landlord decided to go Condo, she just had enough.

Mark 2.3 Bird ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder)

KRS 2.3 I really hate your holier-than-thou attitude.

MindMelda 2.3 Trading Spaces goes to the birds!

Angela Ehrlich 2.3 There is such a thing as too much practice.

The Great Wizzard 2.2 Nature proved: scyscrapers have been invented just to get away from the wife

Delta Flyer 2.2 Best hotel in New Jersey.

Maya the evil twin 2.2 Woodpecker flatblock

Napaelšin 2.2 Sshh, you're waking the kids again!

Corsair 2.2 She hated it when he acted Holier than Thou.

Angela Ehrlich 2.2 When art is taken too far.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.2 Pinky needed another door like he needed a hole in the head.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.2 Welp, there goes the neighborhood.

Angela Ehrlich 2.2 Watch where you point your beak!

ChocJones 2.2 What d'ya think this is? A hotel?

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.2 Red was barking up the wrong tree.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.2 Tree Trek. Deep Peck Nine.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.2 Louisville Mugger.

Slugger S. 2.2 Once ya peck the fun don't stop...

Napaelšin 2.2 That last one was supposed to be a door!

Jay H. 2.2 Woody proved to his wife that he still had a strong pecker.

ScottE Bemeup 2.2 If the tree's a rockin', don't bother knockin'.

Elvendaughter 2.2 His cousin was called the Mad Hatter.

flametop 2.2 I should never have agreed to subdivide.

flametop 2.2 You're sick, Woody, sick, sick, sick.

dutchrheeren 2.2 What? A man can't have a hobby anymore?

rabbit 2.2 I'm not sure I *WANT* to live in a conominium!

ChocJones 2.2 Mother was right. You're a cuckoo.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.0 Holy, holy Batman. Look at that Robin!

Angela Ehrlich 2.0 Just 4,000 more holes to beat the record.

daisy hornblower 2.0 Pink bird: Be careful, or you might get a splinter in your beak.

aussietrekker 2.0 Hey! Turn down the beak banging will ya!!!!!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.0 Why is everybody always peckin' on me?

KRS 2.0 Come on back in. I'm sorry I said anything about your pecker.

Angela Ehrlich 2.0 Oakley takes his frustration out on the trees.

Lindz 2.0 Don't you think we have enough places for our kids to sleep?

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.0 Red couldn't remember where he stashed the cash.

Mark 2.0 Less holely, more matrimony!

Eric 2.0 The doctor called to say your Pexil perscription is renewed, and not a moment too soon!

Angela Ehrlich 2.0 I smell an over achiever

aussietrekker 2.0 ...noisy neighbours!

flametop 2.0 I Thought I felt a draft!!!

2.0 Are you sure that this wont affect the house value?

Mark 2.0 Could you cut back! You're making the rest of us look bad!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 2.0 Red's pecking wasn't up to snuff. Or code.

ScottE Bemeup 2.0 Rounder. I said ROUNDER!

Mark 2.0 When you said you liked knockers, I thought you meant me!

daisy hornblower 2.0 Bird 1: What are you doing? Bird 2: I'm imitating the cucku clock.u

Jason Buffalo 2.0 This what happend's...wenn a Woodpecker drink's coffee

aussietrekker 2.0 Climbing the corporate ladder the hard way.

Paul 2.0 Just one word: Decaf!

TEFII 2.0 Hey, youre not in the Union.

Eric 2.0 C'mon Woody, I was just kidding when I said I needed you like I needed another hole in the tree!

TEFII 2.0 I didn't know this was going to be apartments.

Browney 2.0 The male species proves to be defect again.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 1.8 Red was trying to woo Pinky. But red was codependent.

Ennjae 1.8 Enough With The Air Conditioning Already...

Kent 1.8 Great. What I always wanted - a Swiss cheese treehouse.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 1.8 Why couldn't he paint a picture of Provolone?

b 1.8 This isn't what I meant by a ten-storey condo!!

Jason Buffalo 1.8 The Woman wants a Bigger House

MindMelda 1.8 Great, now when the wind blows, it sounds like Kenny G!

Tim Monti Wohlpart 1.8 Woody's back. And he's pissed!

Delta Flyer 1.8 The squirel boarding house.

Tim Monti Wohlpart 1.8 The turkeys were coming for dinner.

Bobby 1.8 I told you I did not want extra windows

flametop 1.7 Oh, now This is for the birds!

Mark 1.7 Knock it off already!

Phil Price 1.7 "You can't afford all those houses!"

flametop 1.7 Will you Shut Up!

Mark 1.7 Do you have a permit to do that?

TEFII 1.7 I didn't know this was going to be a condo.

Eric 1.7 Missed a spot!

S. Hunter-Wilson 1.6 I spy a knock knock

CidtheKid 1.6 How Woody got a woody.

TEFII 1.5 Hey boid, get inna union, or get outta here.

Muffy 1.5 This tree is on Church Grounds! I think that means it's Hole-y already.

Mark 1.4 You take everything to extremes!

Maya the evil twin 1.4 Woodpecker flatblock landlord with angry wife

Mammakins 1.4 I never should have married a Swiss Cheese cardinal!

Mark 1.3 Fine, you win! Come back to bed.

Mark 1.3 How many kids do you expect us to have?!

Mark 1.3 I'm sorry. That number has been disconnected. Please try another number.

aussietrekker 1.2 There is no way you getting this apartment!

Mark 1.0 Keep that up and you'll be knocking on heaven's door!

sealboy 0.0 your quite energeticseeing as you've got such alittle pecker

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